Comment after oral sex (this may be TMI for some ppl)

[Limebazil]

I am seeing a guy the last few weeks we are both early 30s. He seems like a nice guy, and things were going great. Last night we slept together for the first time, it was great he was very generous in bed but after he had gone down on me he said "I think you should drink more water you taste kind of strong". This was really hurtful to me, I'm sure he didn't mean it to be hurtful and maybe I'm overly sensitive but why would you say that when it is widely known that women/ girls are paranoid about how they look/ smell/ taste down there. He's not a gynaecologist so the health advice was not appreciated. He could see he had upset me and tried to back track saying "he didn't mean it like that" and "I'm crazy about you the last thing I want to do is offend you I was just trying to help" but now I'm just seeing it as a red flag. AIBU?

And your feelings are valid.

What’s drinking more water got to do with it unless he was drinking your urine?

I was wondering if the OP perhaps didn’t have a quick wash before they got into bed and there was an odour caused by stale urine.

That aside - I’d not see him again.

He said strong that’s all. He didn’t say awful or nasty. Why are you taking it to be a bad thing. If he’d have thought it was nasty he’d have stopped.
I don’t think YABU. but maybe a touch over sensitive.

He should be lucky he even got down there in the first place!
id be insulted by this - it’s the sort of thing you can say in a more established relationship but not first go.
id not want to sleep with him again tbh

when it is widely known that women/ girls are paranoid about how they look/ smell/ taste down there

TBH I think this is a culturally created paranoia. I am 50 and it never occurred to me to even think about this and I was really taken aback to find out young women now do. Its really not a change for the better.

@Absentmindedwoman It was after we had a penetrative sex so it was a lot of his fluids down there too. Maybe he should take his own suggestion.

I can understand feeling mortified by this, but I actually think it’s a very polite way to draw attention to something.

DH has horrendous breath. Awful. I nearly didn’t date him as it was so bad - it took aaaaaages for me to be comfortable enough and eventually I just started telling him to drink more water. I used pregnancy nose as an example to bring it up and now the situation is miles better.

he probably really likes you, thought you smelt a little and wanted to make sure this was not going to be an issue going forward. Embarrassing but just drink more water/have a shower beforehand and it will be fine!

For the poster who schedules pineapple eating before entertaining any oral, what's the transit time so to speak ?

@IhopeYourCakeIsShit you are asking the real questions here! I too am curious about this 😃

If I had just performed oral sex on him and thought he tasted a bit funky I would file it away and think of a way to approach it tactfully at a later date, assuming the relationship progressed.

It's ages since I did this but eating it in the afternoon I think works for later that evening.

Good question!

ALSO asparagus creates vile spunk! Not sure if it effects women but would make sense if it had a similar effect.

You've done right to tell him you won't be seeing him again, OP. How insensitive and hurtful, thoughtless and tactless he was.

I very much doubt every woman tastes or smells the same down there anyways.

He was critiquing you and I bet he would have continued to do so about lots of other things too - your make up, hair, dress sense, cooking etc. You have dodged a bullet.

adds pineapple to online shop

Honestly this place. A guy insults your fanny and you're told to drink more water and eat more vegetables?!

To be honest, if you now don't feel comfortable with him, then it doesn't really matter what his intentions were when he said it, because you perceived it negatively. This just means that together you don't gel and that is reason enough to call it a day. Another man might have approached it in a different way, and another woman might have taken it differently, there's no right or wrong.

He’s trying to politely say you smell of old pee. If that’s true then he did the right thing and told you. I’d want to have oral sex with my partner and if they needed to wash then I would politely mention it. If they got so offended they had a big sulk I’d leave the relationship. It doesn’t sound like he tried to shame you, it’s basic respect for your partner to be clean before sex.

@pixie5121

it is amazing though because there’s a thread running elsewhere about whether or not someone would give a man who hadn’t showered for 2 days a bj. Most comments are horrified and wouldn’t, because it smells! I agree it’s a bit tactless but the content is not offensive, it’s just intimate and everyone has different levels to what they find appropriate to discuss. Perhaps he thought since they had had sex they had reached a level of intimacy where they could discuss sexual things. I don’t think that’s unreasonable.

Five days before (everyday for five days) for each of us not just pineapple lots of acidic fruit in general. My husband loves my directness and never had any complaints from previous relationships either. I’ve never had sex with anyone I can’t talk directly with about what we both want, showering before and after, bodily smells, breath etc. Maybe I’m not the norm though after reading this thread!

@pentagone, it goes back to the 19'00s when women were told to douche with Lysol etc. I can remember it being discussed in the feminist publications in the 70' s. It's perpetuated via misogyny. You're lucky that it's passed you by.

Fuck that guy. I would never feel comfortable around him again.