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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to cover up when breastfeeding?

121 replies

sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 11:40

I find it hard to bf when covered up. but last week, my sil insisted i covered up while at her house, in case it embarrassed her son ( who actually spent all his time upstairs with my DS1) I get hot and bothered with a blanket over me...

OP posts:
VictorianSqualor · 10/01/2008 12:01

fio, I don't think the 5yo would have been bothered but I know his mum would have found it really difficult to talk to him about it if he'd asked, as it was he just knew DS was having a feed, but not where from.

onepieceoflollipop · 10/01/2008 12:02

SGK - sounds as if she may have a problem with bf generally and not specifically you bf? In her own home (rather than yours or a cafe) she has more say I guess, or at least feels that she does.

sweetkitty · 10/01/2008 12:02

£15 for a dishtowel to cover your babies face with whilst BFing?

The only person who has ever had an issue woth me BFing is my brother who says he doesn't want to see his sisters boobs (he's v immature really although nearly 30) I have BF in the same room as him before and he hasn't even noticed.

I would have straight out asked her son "X does me BFing in the lounge embarrass you" if he said yes and went I would have said well I will try and cover up as much as I can you cannot actually see anything.

Original poster
sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 12:06

i know she only breastfeed for a very short while, maybe she isn't comfortable with longer feeding.. I have in fact, feed in front of her son at my house, he didn't even noticed as too busy playing on his nintendo DS with DS1

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Miaou · 10/01/2008 12:06

[puzzled] can anyone see anything if you are feeding SGK? I do what you describe and no one ever sees a thing (I have been reliably informed). As you say, I bet it's more to do with her "ishoos" than anything else.

Original poster
sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 12:07

he spent all evening upstairs with my ds1... (twas NYE)

OP posts:
wb · 10/01/2008 12:07

YANBU to be annoyed/find her attitude strange but I think you were right to respect her wishes in her house.

Original poster
sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 12:10

no, noone can see anything, unless callum pulls off suddenly, but normally have a muslin square handy (callum is very sicky) to quicky cover myself up with and stop callum getting milk squirted all over him.

OP posts:
claraenglish · 10/01/2008 12:12

Message withdrawn

Misdee · 10/01/2008 12:19

i can vouch that when SGK breastfeeds you cant see anything.

i think i may have breastfed dd3 i nfront of your SIL SGK, and made her uncomfortable. your other SIL didnt bat an eyelid though.

Original poster
sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 12:20

I think you may have done Misdee, at one of the parties/bbq at the old house.

OP posts:
Misdee · 10/01/2008 12:22

i did notice she didnt hang around

next time she offers you a blanket say no thanks, callum gets too hot under cover.

Original poster
sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 12:22

CE I feed wherever! I don;t care, so as a bit put out when she insisted that I should cover up. She didn't even give me a lightweight blanket, it was a thick thing that made me hot..

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Original poster
sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 12:23

he does get hot, must be hotblooded like me.

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Peachy · 10/01/2008 12:25

I suppose in her own house- but she is being silly tbh!

When I had ds3 at home the first day MIL visited and asked me to go upstairs tofeed IN MY HOME- I did! stupid, stupid cow that I am ! Would never agin, when I am feeding this one anyone else can just deal with its, it is nature and normal

LuckyUnderpants · 10/01/2008 12:27

I would be so at your sil.

I breastfeed my ds in front of my 2 neices and nephew last year when we all stayed in a caravan together, my sil encouraged me to do it as at first i was worried they would be embarassed. They werent at all and i felt very comfortable thanks to my sil's support.

I cannot understand why she would want you to cover up.

chocchipcookie · 10/01/2008 12:32

I often read on MN 'It's my house, my rules'...

... Until MN's go to someone else's house when 'It's their house, my rules.'

When I bf my first son at a family do, I got sent upstairs to a freezing bedroom. At least she let you stay put!

I think some mums are in denial when they say 'you can't see anything.' Quite often you can.

Original poster
sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 12:32

I used to do that!! When I had DS1 I used to go to the bedroom to feed him if people were around, or go upstairs if at other people's houses (in my defence I was only 18 when I had Ds1 and was embarrassed myself). With the girls I got better and would stay downstairs and started public feeding, and now with Callum I really don't care. He is still having a bottle of formula a day and sometimes I say to DH 'should I take the formula with me?' and he says 'nah, he can have milk from you, if needed'

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 12:33

she actually wanted me to go upstairs, I refused.

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 12:33

I even feed him at High school musical on ice..

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verylittlecarrot · 10/01/2008 12:34

It is rude and inhospitable to ask a guest to do something uncomfortable, or to suggest that they are causing you - the host - embarrassment.

I've only encountered this attitude once - at my uncle's house with my family. I knew my cousin had bf (and I even remember my aunty doing it years ago) so assumed my unc would have no issues, but he was mortified when I fed her. (I swear you could not even see an inch of flesh as I'm pretty good at being discreet, not that I feel one should feel obliged to). Apparently my cousin had always retreated to another room when she had been bfeeding . He even muttered something about people beind rude. I was horrified, but made as little of it as I could.

I apologised to my cousins for traumatising their dad, but they found it amusing and thought it would be good for his emotional education!

If you have another Ikea type incident, sparkly, could you suggest to her that her suggestion implies that you have to "hide" because something is "wrong". Since that is a hurtful, could she refrain from asking? There is nothing dirty or shameful about bf in public, and you'd prefer not to make such a big deal out of it as she is suggesting!

p.s. I bf in ikea last week and got lots of lovely smiles and comments!

Notyummy · 10/01/2008 12:37

YANBU. It is difficult because it is her house. I think the suggestion if it happens again of saying 'sorry, he gets all hot and bothered if covered up' is a good one...kind of makes the point in a nice passive/aggressive 'be nice to the family' type way!

Kids usually don't care...at 11 her son might be slightly goggle-eyed...but its a breast fgs, he can see them in the paper everyday!

I bf everywhere without asking and noone ever said anything (maybe they were too scared At my best friends house, her 4 year old ds was fascinated. 'Mummy, notyummy is feeding the baby from a pipe in her stomach! Look, look, now she's feeding her from her other pipe!' He was amazed when his dad pointed out that he too had been fed by his Mummy's pipes..'Really?!! Cool....'

Original poster
sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 12:38

If I am honest I felt embarrassed that I am breastfeeding, because she made an issue of it. And that evening Callum wanted lots of feeds, I think he was getting hot and bothered under the blanket and wasn't feeding as well as normal.

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Original poster
sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 12:42

My kids are fascinated by it too, when Callum was in SCBU and I was expressing milk, they would sit there and watch the milk go into the bottle (I have strange kids lol) and now DS1 will say to Callum when he is crying 'Oh Callum, are you hungry, hang on mum will feed you in a minute from her boobs' He calls it bretfedding though!! lol

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MsSparkle · 10/01/2008 12:45

I am on the fence because i get really uncomfortable when women bf right in front of me. Most of the time i don't notice them doing it because it is so discreet.

My friend one day just whipped her boob out and started bf in front of me and dp. I didn't and wouldn't say anything but i did feel very uncomfortable indeed plus when i see a baby laching on to the nipple it sends a pain from my head town to my toes from the memory of my bf experiences.