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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to cover up when breastfeeding?

121 replies

sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 11:40

I find it hard to bf when covered up. but last week, my sil insisted i covered up while at her house, in case it embarrassed her son ( who actually spent all his time upstairs with my DS1) I get hot and bothered with a blanket over me...

OP posts:
stripeymama · 10/01/2008 11:42

So you don't want one of these then?

belgo · 10/01/2008 11:42

I would be so angry at that. After everything you have been through to carry on bfing, and then people acting like it's something you should be embarrassed about doing.

Original poster
sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 11:43

pmsl

OP posts:
stripeymama · 10/01/2008 11:43

Yes, you are fab - have followed your story and been very very impressed by your determination.

2shoes · 10/01/2008 11:43

ynbu I could understand in public(your modesty blah blah) but in someones house. Think it is your sil who is embarresd as most kids wouldn't give a hoot(unelss he is a teen)

belgo · 10/01/2008 11:44

I think most teenagers probably wouldn't even notice.

Original poster
sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 11:45

she actually suggested i went upstairs to her bedroom to do it!! I said 'no I'm fine on the sofa' and she gave me a blanket..

OP posts:
belgo · 10/01/2008 11:45

and even if they did, it's a good example to set to them that bfing is normal.

Original poster
sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 11:45

her son is 11

OP posts:
ComeOVeneer · 10/01/2008 11:46

Blimey that website is hysterical. BFing a taddy bear fgs.

onepieceoflollipop · 10/01/2008 11:46

YANBU. How old is her son btw - not that it is relevant perhaps but perhaps some mums may be a bit embarrassed if he is teenaged?

I strongly believe that all children should see babies being fed in whatever way their mummies choose to feed them - in your case (and mine) that happens to be bf.

Are you normally on good terms with your sil? I guess as it is her house you have to be diplomatic.

It is hard to feed covered up, although in public if I feel vulnerable I have a muslin to hand, in case dd2 pulls off and milk sprays over bystanders...

FioFio · 10/01/2008 11:48

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lucyellensmum · 10/01/2008 11:49

I would have been too. How old is her DS? I think it is good for young children to see breast feeding as a lovely and natural experience. If he is 14 though, it would have been positively cruel but more appropriate to say, to her DS, i am going to feed baby now and give him the option, if mortified to go and play on his computor! If it was a young boy then your SIL is being an arse.

When i was BF i was brazen about getting the dairy out whereever i wanted. I remember BIL and SIL being round one day, DP was out so i couldnt excuse myself to save BIL blushes as i was having a conversation with him. Bless him, he didnt know where to look, SIL bottle fed so he not used to it. SIL and i did try not to enjoy him squirming too much I would get my tits out in cafes, resturants, on park benches, didnt care a hoot. I did use to go into the other room at MIL, partly because FIL would be embarrased but also because it was easier, comfy chairs in the front room and a bit of peace!!!

I definatley dont think you were being unreasonable and i would have taken great offence if i were you.

Original poster
sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 11:50

my ds is 10 and not bothered at all, her son is 11. I got on ok with her, but was shocked that she asked me to cover up tbh. she breastfed for a few weeks herself (admittly not as long as me)

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 11:52

get on ok..

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 10/01/2008 11:52

ah, didnt see that he was 11 before i posted. I think he would either been embarrased, and then could have excused himself or curious and then it would have been a positive experience. Blimey, how are future generations going to feel OK about BF if their parents treat it like something to be embarrased about.

2shoes · 10/01/2008 11:52

at 11 he is old enough to accept it. tbh ds who is 16 next month would most likely just leave the room. but i wouldn't stop someone doing it cos he was there. dd would most likely be facinated.

kittylouise · 10/01/2008 11:53

Oh for crying out loud, what would her son have done? Gone red and blown up with embarrassment?

Would it not be better for him to see the normalisation of bf, or is it best that he only sees breast on the front cover of Zoo or Nuts whilst he is at the newsagent.

I breastfed regularly at my xp's parents' house, they had sons aged 12, 16 and 19 all hangig around. They soon got used to the leaking boobs and latching on, believe me. They didn't care less.

wannaBe · 10/01/2008 11:53

I think it would depend on how "uncovered" you were. And before I get jumped on, let me explain.

When I was younger, my parents had some friends who had a ds who was about a year old when we knew them. They came to stay with us and we went to some friends' house for a bbq. she was bf her ds which obviously isn't an issue, however, she was sat in the lounge, with about 5 teenage boys who were there watching tv when she needed to bf. instead of lifting her top and latching ds on, she proceeded to take off her top, take off her bra, and sit there topless breastfeeding her child while obviously the other boob was visible for all to see. All those boys didn't know where to look, and IMO it would not have been unreasonable to ask that particular woman to cover up just a bit, not cover the baby, but at least not think it natural to sit topless in a room full of teenage boys.

Assuming you're not wanding around topless, I don't think yabu.

FioFio · 10/01/2008 11:56

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FioFio · 10/01/2008 11:56

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VictorianSqualor · 10/01/2008 11:57

LOL wannabe.
I don't think you're being unreasonable sparkly. When I used to bf at my xp's mum shouse people would come in the kitchen and see me feeding drinking my tea and walk back out but I was never asked to cover up, I did however used to cover up with DS when I went to a friends house, her DS was about 5 at the time and I knew she felt uncomfortable but wouldnt say anything out of respect, so I would put a blanket over my shoulder just to spare her blushes, if I'd been told to though I'd be pretty annoyed.

Original poster
sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 11:58

pmsl, no wasn't topless. I just moved my top out the way, unlatched my bra and latched Callum on, all under a blanket

actually thinking about it, I think its SIL that has an issue with me BF, as when we went to Ikea a few weeks back, Callum needed feeding, went to the cafe and started feeding him, she asked me if I had anything to cover myself with (I didn't)

OP posts:
FioFio · 10/01/2008 11:59

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onepieceoflollipop · 10/01/2008 12:00

wannaBe perhaps your parent's friend would be considered a little unusual in this behaviour?

Great posts LEM. I generally give any male adults a bit of a pre-warning - but only in some circumstances. For example we had a lovely friend (single, no dc) who approached me completely obliviously when I was feeding and was about to lean over and see everything. Didn't worry me but I said to him, J I am feeding so if you want to see the baby in a minute that's fine. He appreciated the chance to back off.

Did the same with fil who doesn't always pay attention when people talk to him. He was and leapt back saying "how embarrassing" - I didn't care!

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