Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

to not want to cover up when breastfeeding?

121 replies

sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 11:40

I find it hard to bf when covered up. but last week, my sil insisted i covered up while at her house, in case it embarrassed her son ( who actually spent all his time upstairs with my DS1) I get hot and bothered with a blanket over me...

OP posts:

crapcook · 10/01/2008 13:15

Aaaah so it's the ol' 'boobs are for men and not for babies' attitude.

I'd tell them to sling their hook if it is mentioned again.

Original poster

sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 13:18

so if she really had ishooos with breasts and her son, surely she would have banned 'The Sun' from their house?

OP posts:

Notyummy · 10/01/2008 13:18

I guess it come down to the fact that it is her house...she is not right, but it is her house. So, as I said before YANBU, its just what you do about it. Trying the 'don't cover me please he gets too hot' should sort her out if its not too big a deal for her. If she persists, then its obviously something she feels strongly about and you can either go along with it, have a fight, or only ever invite her round to yours and wait until she asks why...

Original poster

sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 13:23

She actually said that I should go upstairs to feed him, I refused and said I was fine on the sofa. Why should I be banished to the bedroom while everyone else is having fun downstairs? I couldn't drink that night becasue of BF and I wasn't going to miss the drunken dancing that was been done, by DH and friends lol I did cover up but hated doing it.

OP posts:

VictorianSqualor · 10/01/2008 13:39

SGK, I really dont think she has ishoos with her DS and bewbz, its more likely she has ishoos with bewbz herself.

Original poster

sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 13:44

mmmm maybe!!

OP posts:

onebatmother · 10/01/2008 13:48

but you can see that if her outlook has been formed by the Sun, which sees breasts as sex toys, then she would be logically freaked out by the sight of them in her sitting room at 3 in the afternoon or whatever.

So that's another reason to loathe the Sun then.

clareyooo · 10/01/2008 13:55

When my I was first breastfeeding DD1 my DH ( who was quite happy for me to BF by the way) asked me how I felt about the fact that Breasts were both sexual and for feeding a baby. My reply to him was - do you think about sex every time you need a wee?? Some body parts just have dual roles, thats all.

SueBaroo · 10/01/2008 13:56

Personally, I felt more comfortable the less was on view when I BF. I have this rather snazzy dress that has concealed zips in the front, and it looked for all the world like I was just cradling DC.

However, that's me and what I felt comfortable exposing.

I don't have any house rules for BFing mothers who visit, except that they get the best supporting seat in the house, a drink and privacy if they want it.

beeper · 10/01/2008 14:02

I think there is nothing wrong in being discreet. If I were in a relatives house I would probably leave the room and find a private place.

When I fed my son (for 18 months) I always tried to cover up as much as possible.

If you feel that you cannot respect the views of the 11 year olds mother in her own house then you should not go there.

People are allowed to bring thier children up, maybe they are more of a private family, she is entilted to ask and you are entiled to leave.

Original poster

sparklygothkat · 10/01/2008 14:02

ooo would love a breastfeeding dress, haven't wore a dress since I had Callum.

OP posts:

theBOD · 10/01/2008 14:17

as said before their house their rules. i personally don't like seeing women breastfeeding in public and would ask those in my house to do it somewhere private.

Misdee · 10/01/2008 14:20

you are quite welcome to breastfeed here SGK.

actually, i did once feed dd1 upstairs at MIL house as her elderly father was there and he was a bit funny about seeing people breastfeeding. i ended up sitting on a very lovely comfty sofa in BIL room with dh and BIL playing computer games lol.

verylittlecarrot · 10/01/2008 14:29

thebod

And you are perfectly entitled to do so. It is your home.

But your guest would probably feel hurt, embarrassed, unwelcome, frustrated, ostracised and sad.

Would you really want to make anyone feel that way in your home?

onebatmother · 10/01/2008 14:35

and very very very uptight. With ishoos. Perhaps a little... touched.

theBOD · 10/01/2008 14:36

no i wold not wish to make anyone feel that way and i would hope they would simply do it out of respect if they knew how i felt about the matter. if it was someone who was unaware of how i felt i would most likely bite my tongue to avoid awkwardness and ill feeling.
similarly if i go to someones home and there is something they are uncomfortable with (the only example i can think of right now is smoking, but i don't want to say that and be accused of comparing passive smoking to bf'ing) i would not wait to be asked to go to another room or to not do it.i would make that decision myself so as to not embarress my host.

onebatmother · 10/01/2008 14:38

but what, about breastfeeding, embarrasses you BOD?

Blandmum · 10/01/2008 14:39

Wannabe, you are not alone in knowing a total exhibitionist breast feader.

My utterly odd (for a whole range of behaviours) cousin did just the same thing. Not ideal for my Dad bless him, who was 100% find with my (quite normal) style of BF.

But she was the same. She stripped off and sat topless. To this day I can't think why, other than trying to make some sort of statement.

theBOD · 10/01/2008 14:41

not to sure.i don't feel comfortable around those doing it and don't think it is polite to do it in the company of others.
i also don't understand the argument that it's a natural thing so shouldnt be embarrassing to others when their are a million natural things which are deemed ude or embarrassing.

onebatmother · 10/01/2008 14:42

lol MB! Your poor dad.

My god, there may be hundreds out there!

Do you think she'd read one of those funny Seventies books with line drawings (like the Joy of Sex but more hte Joy of BF) and thought you HAD to be topless?

verylittlecarrot · 10/01/2008 14:47

thebod, you do sound like a nice person.

It's just that, whether you overtly ask a person to go away and hide, or whether you expect them to just anticipate that it was you want, it comes down to the same thing.

"Please get out of my sight and hide. What you are doing is offensive"

Which is both unfair (you may not like it, but feeding a baby isn't offensive. There's a difference between feeling offended and something being offensive. Everybody experiences irrational reactions to inoffensive things. We mostly recognise and supress those reactions though)

and will make your guest feel bad either way.

Habbibu · 10/01/2008 14:55

theBOD, I think that most of the "natural" things deemed rude or embarrassing are either sexual, or involved in the removal of bodily products (urine, faeces, mucus) which may be harmful, and so there's a good social reason for not exposing all around to them. The sexual issue is probably more cultural. Breastfeeding is neither.

verylittlecarrot · 10/01/2008 14:56

I'm afraid I disagree about the politeness, though.

If you deem it polite for you to eat or drink in front of me , then I will assume that I may reciprocate in front of you. And so may my baby. Who is a little young to understand rules of politeness.

You are of course entitled to feel the way you do.

But please do not extrapolate your feelings to be those held by polite society in general. They are not. Many people accept that men, women, babies and children are all equally entitled to eat or drink in the presence of others.

FrannyandZooey · 10/01/2008 14:58

I think people do make their own house rules, of course

but may well find that people don't visit them any more if the rules make life unpleasant or difficult for their guests

onebatmother · 10/01/2008 14:59

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread