Are you or do you know a traditional wife?

[Juniper68]

Just watching Stacey Dooley staying at the trad wife's home. I didn't realise there were so many of them?
I really liked the wife and dcs. The dh not so much. Choosing the wife's clothes. Making dcs wear something heavy on their back if they've been naughty 😮
I'm not against being a sahm. But him calling all the shots is so controlling.

Choosing the wife's clothes. Making dcs wear something heavy on their back if they've been naughty 😮

When was that bullshit "traditional." That's archaic and abusive.

@Aquamarine1029 I agree. I'm amazed SS weren't paying them a visit.

One of my friends has quite a traditional marriage in that she’s a SAHM, her DH pays all the bills, she does know who their mortgage is with or energy supplier. She very much goes by his rules and he is the boss of the house.

No I don't. Pleased to say that not even my 82 year old mother fits the 'traditional' wife category, nor would she want to.

They should be done under the Trades Descriptions Act.
Traditional where?!

I’m not a traditional wife as in that show, but I don’t really work, other than odd bits here and there, my husband pays all the bills, works full time and I try to keep on top of laundry, food shopping etc.
I don’t have kids though and no intention to.

I have never met anyone like that at all. I do know a few people where they consider the man the "head of the household" but they really don't operate like that either.

My friends would describe me as traditional but not in the way that you mean it. I earn less than my husband because I’ve chosen to spend many years at home bringing up our children and even our jobs are quite traditionally male/female. Childcare is probably split 70/30 because of the hours we work. I also keep family traditions around celebrations etc. To me, that is traditional. But my husband doesn’t control me or decide anything ridiculous like what I wear or have sole control of our finances. What you describe sounds more old fashioned, controlling relationships rather than traditional.

I think the trad wives on here were extreme.
I couldn't get over the fixed smile on her face.
This is a very intelligent woman. What is she teaching her dd?

She also said feminism is like a cancer. Bizarre.

I know one. Although during lockdown her husband lost his job so she started a cleaning business so it's more equal now.

She says her husband is the head of the household and makes the final decision on things and she respects his role, as he respects hers.

Guessing she heard that from her husband and she’s probably the sort who votes for whoever he does too. My Mum had a friend like this, she admitted she knew nothing about current affairs or politics so just voted for the same party her husband did. Very sad.

That's a line from Milo Y, I think.

the programme sounds horrific.

She says her husband is the head of the household and makes the final decision on things and she respects his role, as he respects hers.

It just baffles me that this kind of thinking pattern and approach to marriage is still considered normal by some people. It’s frightening really.

I know a few but I'm not one myself. I've seen that documentary and I think they've used the more extreme examples to make a point. The ladies I know who identify as 'trad wives' I believe the idea is more about occupying the home and doing everything concerned with it (cooking, cleaning, childcare, life admin, etc) while the husband goes out to work to provide a financial income. It's a partnership where each person occupies a different sphere to make a successful family unit. There's some interesting articles by The Darling Academy that go into it further if you want to read more about it from their perspective.

There are parts I agree with but parts I very much disagree with. I don't believe in the old fashioned idea of the husband ruling the roost or that a man has to be the breadwinner. I don't believe you have to be a good little wife and have his dinner and slippers waiting for him when he returns home from work or that you have to check everything by him first. I'm quite intrigued by the idea of being a housewife, in the sense of finding fulfilment within the home and what you already have, but it wouldn't be enough for me to want to do it full time and give up my career.

There seem to be a few of these people popping up, especially in the US. I wonder if its almost a kink. I like a sub on reddit called fundiesnark which looks at fundamentalist Christians and there are a few of these trad wives. At the extreme end there is this 'Christian domestic discipline' where wives are punished by spanking with regular maintenance spankings to remind them to behave. It definitely looks to me more like a sexual fetish that they are trying to justify as being traditional Christians. Its really scary.

It's not traditional to live like that, though, it's an abusive relationship.

I do know a few households from a non British background who are very 'man is head'. But then the women take the piss out of the men behind their backs, and God help a man who tried to tell them what to wear.

I wonder what kind of person opts for that kind of life and I would have to assume there is fundamentalist religion involved, most likely of the Christian kind.

The couple in the show sound abusive - the mother too, since she goes along with her husband's obscene idea of punishment.

My mum was 78 when she died in 2019. She always worked, even when Dsis and I were very young - part time, evenings, but it kept her hand in. As we got older she went back into daytime work though never full time. She taught us never to be financially dependent on a man.

A friend of mine defers to her husband and asks his opinion all the time. I’ve seen him belittle her. It looks abusive. Previously she was in a well paid professional job, now she’s retired early and seems to have lost confidence.

Thank goodness its only a TV show for the majority of us. What an awful way to live!
I think of traditional as more of a wife staying at home with the children while the husband works full time. But there are very good reasons why this doesn't suit many people.

Also a fundiesnark follower and I agree, I think a lot of it is more like a D/s relationship (without any of the boundaries and rules of a dynamic like that) than anything else.

All the 'it's my sole purpose to glorify my husband' stuff makes me feel ill.

Being a Trad Wife in the true sense is not the same as being a SAHM. They are essentially fetishising misogyny/ controlling / abusive relationships. Each to their own and all that but the extreme end of this stuff seems pretty unhealthy.

Yep. Most SAHMs I know (and me too when I was one) are due to circumstance - eg. no support network / affordable childcare / child with SN - rather than ideology, and most do go back to work eventually. Please don’t conflate the two!

my ex wanted this sort of set up - final say on everything, head of the house, wanted me to look up to him etc (but strangely ok with me working full-time🤣) I just wanted to be equal but it never was, he saw himself as far more important than me & constantly complained about the house/garden (that I provided for him!)….he now lives in an expensive flat with no garden waiting for a 1950’s housewife to come along & tell him how wonderful he is at everything while being quiet, making him a sarnie dressed in stockings & suspenders🤣

Sounds like bdsm lifestyle kink fulfillment. Definitely abusive and about the adults wish fulfillment, hugely damaging to children.