Is it ok to leave a sibling out?

[blacksheepsibling]

I'm very much at wits end up my family. My immediate family comprises of me, my sister, mum and dad. My sister has two DC and a husband, I am a single mum to one DC. We all live within a 20 minute drive of one another.

I am starting to become very upset and annoyed because frequently, when my sister makes plans for dinner, she will invite our parents but not me and my DC. For example, she has invited my parents for Sunday lunch today but hasn't invited me. That means that me and my DC will spend our Sunday alone. I have expressed many times that this really upsets me, I am more than happy to host, cook and have everyone at my house, but my sister says that 'she's entitled to time with our parents away from me.' My mum and I have just had an argument because she continually agrees to my sisters plans without considering me and my DC, but my mum feels that she is put in the middle and I should just accept plans are made that I will be excluded from. I am made out to be the one with the issues. I would never leave my sister out of plans, I always make sure to invite her to everything I am doing or planning. It also really hurts me, as I have started a new relationship, and my boyfriend and his siblings do everything together with their parents - the invite is always extended to all the siblings - nobody in his family would dream of having Sunday dinner and leaving one part of the immediate family out. It's made me question my family and the way everyone behaves towards one another.

AIBU?

They’re not being “left out”. The sister is having her parents over for dinner. It’s not a wedding or world cruise.

its not a crime to want to spend some time with your parents without your siblings or your kids to have some time with GP’s without their cousins.

Especially if you’re sibling is a drama llama that kicks off over a dinner invitation

Do you have everyone round for regular roasts?

If not, it sounds rather like you just want a nice dinner at someone else’s expense!

My sister has my mum round loads. I don’t get invited. Never thought I should be.

I think some friendships end up like this too - only ‘allowed’ to gather in a certain group. I don’t play that game either.

Think your sister is entitled to do stuff with parents but is it every Sunday? I feel like you that Sunday is a family day and especially if you’re a single mum with a relatively small family it’s a bit exclusive to not include you. I would want to include my sister in that situation too.

Your sister is entitled to spend time with your parents and your parents are entitled to spend time with your sister without you.

When my mum comes to visit us, she doesn’t bring my siblings and their children. And I don’t get upset that my mum spends time with them - even though it’s more time than she spends with me because I live 5000 miles from my mum and see here every 2 years or so but my brother lives 3 miles from her and sees her most weekends.

I don’t see that being a single parents has to do with anything. Life isn’t fair. Adults just get on with it.

Is this every Sunday, op?

You’re reading too much into this. It doesn’t always have to be ALL of you

OP says that 'when' sister makes plans then she is 'frequently' left out, and 'for example' today they had lunch. This does not sound like parents and sister getting together and leaving OP out every single Sunday.

So you're happy to host etc, but she says no when you invite her because she's seeing your sister and refuses to agree to a future Sunday etc because DSIS might ask?

Because otherwise yabRu

I don’t get the big deal about it it being a Sunday roast alone with your child. Surely that’s every dinner really why is Sunday so special that you must have your mum/mum and sister.

They are allowed to have a meal without you be that a Monday or a Sunday. Christmas Day would be harsh but other than that. Your a grown up. Get over it.

Why is it a 'long old Sunday'? Parks are open, attractions are often open, there are just about as many things to do on a Sunday as there are on a Saturday. I would be offended if friends invited me to dinner on a Sunday out of pity or obligation. If there was such a problem with being a single parent then surely social services would not want me and others like me fostering children. I am just as capable of doing things as a single parent as I was when I was part of a couple.

Of course your sister and her children can spend time with your mum without you!

Sometimes whole family events, sometimes singularly with her, sometimes you you and your parents... grow up

How many times have you actually invited your parents over? Did you invite your sister too or just them?

Does your mum cancel plans with you to spend time with your sister?

My sister and I respect each other's time alone with our parents. But we love vs getting us all together too. We aren't little children any more and have our own lives. Your sister isn't responsible for your choices and happiness.

This is petulant and immature. Why should she include you all the time? Why can't her and her kids have one on one time?
I'm sure single parents the world over aren't so needy

Yes, it’s okay if they leave a sibling out in this situation. Your sister has done nothing wrong.

AIBU?

Yes

No, I'm not

Yes, you really are

OP disappears

I’m the oldest of my siblings. If I ask my mum and dad to come for Sunday lunch I always ask my sister as she is still living at home but most of the time she is busy any way. I don’t always ask my brother. With my in laws they come for lunch quiet a lot but we don’t ask his brothers. I don’t see why you think she is wrong for not asking you. She just wants time with her parents and for her children to see their grandparents without another child taking their attention.

your poor mum and sister.
they are entitled to have their lives, to meet up without you.
sorry, but you sound very dramatic and tiring.
why not spend Sundays with your boyfriends family?

Yabu, your dsis is doing nothing wrong.

You aren't on your own, you are with your DC. Make your own plans.

When I read your post I was expecting this to be about children, not grown ups.

We don't see my ILs without sil and her family. It is tedious that my DC never see their GPs on their own.

I am really not understanding the big deal about a grown adult being left “alone” on a Sunday. I moved away for university and then after and haven’t lived with or close to my parents since I was a child - of course I was “alone” most Sundays for years until I had my own family.. is this a problem? Are Sundays alone to be pitied?

When I see my parents 95% of the time it is without my sibling. He has his own relationship with them that does not include me and he sees them far more regularly than I do. I rarely see my brother but we do communicate and it’s a separate relationship again to the one I have with my parents.

Single parent for almost 16 years here, either one or both of my parents have lived in a different country to me for most of that time. No, I would not be bothered by it, you can make your own plans with your parents surely? Unless she is booking out every weekend? I don't think it's a big deal at all to be left alone on a Sunday, as in just any Sunday, not Easter or Christmas or your birthday. I don't get along well with one of my sisters and so prefer to see relatives separately to her unless it is a special occasion. She is a 'the more the merrier' type.

Yes I thought it was going to be about inviting one child on a day out and not their sibling or yet another birthday party post. Not about adults!

.

Single Mum of 5 yrs here and only 1 sibling. We don't invite each other when inviting parents for lunch as it's our one on one time. It's my opportunity to show my thanks for all they do for me. All families are different.