Is it ok to leave a sibling out?

[blacksheepsibling]

I'm very much at wits end up my family. My immediate family comprises of me, my sister, mum and dad. My sister has two DC and a husband, I am a single mum to one DC. We all live within a 20 minute drive of one another.

I am starting to become very upset and annoyed because frequently, when my sister makes plans for dinner, she will invite our parents but not me and my DC. For example, she has invited my parents for Sunday lunch today but hasn't invited me. That means that me and my DC will spend our Sunday alone. I have expressed many times that this really upsets me, I am more than happy to host, cook and have everyone at my house, but my sister says that 'she's entitled to time with our parents away from me.' My mum and I have just had an argument because she continually agrees to my sisters plans without considering me and my DC, but my mum feels that she is put in the middle and I should just accept plans are made that I will be excluded from. I am made out to be the one with the issues. I would never leave my sister out of plans, I always make sure to invite her to everything I am doing or planning. It also really hurts me, as I have started a new relationship, and my boyfriend and his siblings do everything together with their parents - the invite is always extended to all the siblings - nobody in his family would dream of having Sunday dinner and leaving one part of the immediate family out. It's made me question my family and the way everyone behaves towards one another.

AIBU?

I would never leave my sister out of plans, I always make sure to invite her to everything I am doing or planning

You don't have to include her in everything just as she doesn't have to include you in her plans. She's right about spending time with your parents without you, just as you should get some time to spend with them without her.

Unless there's a big drip feed coming that this Sunday roast was for a parent's 70th birthday or something (in which case I think it would be off of your sister), then YABVU.

Yabu, Single mother for 14 years, I have 3 siblings and we all do some things all together but far more likely to be just a few of us invited at a time and each spend time with our parents alone and each other not all siblings together, all entitled to spend alone time with our parents, hasn’t ever crossed my mind that anyones leaving anyone out or felt upset I wasn’t invited, also each grandchild has had alone time with the grandparents and aunties.
If it’s a lonely thing plan your own things, not fair to ask your sister to never have alone time with parents because you are single.

Yabu, Single mother for 14 years, I have 3 siblings and we all do some things all together but far more likely to be just a few of us invited at a time and each spend time with our parents alone and each other not all siblings together, all entitled to spend alone time with our parents, hasn’t ever crossed my mind that anyones leaving anyone out or felt upset I wasn’t invited, also each grandchild has had alone time with the grandparents and aunties.
If it’s a lonely thing plan your own things, not fair to ask your sister to never have alone time with parents because you are single.

Honestly OP I don't blame them from wanting some quality time just them, you sound very needy and entitled.
I do not know any adult family whereby the parents are not allowed to have dinner with just one sibling and not the other. It's not your sisters fault you're single (except you've also mentioned you're not single..).

I have 5 siblings and my partner has 4, if we only ever had dinner with our parents when our siblings (and partners and kids) were there, we'd never get a chance to spend any one on one time with them.

What's wrong with being alone? I live alone with no family nearby and manage it

This has to be a reverse

I’m surprised at these replies. Even adults want and need support from their families and it doesn’t make them needy. If I was the OP’s mum I would feel bad if I saw one sibling a lot more than the other especially if the other one was feeling lonely. I would make an effort to make plans with them too.

Some very rude comments about the boyfriend’s family, if they’re all close and want to be together a lot then good for them.

Honestly when I go to my moms, if I go and my sister and brother there it’s a different vibe because my sister changes every conversation back to her, my brother brings our niece and then the attention is all on her. I don’t mind sometimes but sometimes I just want to be able to have a conversation with my mom without being interrupted every 5 minutes 😂

All siblings are entitled to spend time on their own with their parents, regardless of age, gender, or marital/child status. No sibling has the right to demand/expect to be included each and every time.

My brother never married, has no children. Naturally he was included in all holiday (ie Xmas) and 'major event' gatherings. But if he wanted to spend time with our parents on his own that was fine by me and vice versa, and that includes 'Sunday dinners' and holidays away. It was up to the 'inviter'. Our parents usually included us all if they organized something, but DB and I made our own decisions with no hard feelings.

If you want a Sunday Roast with your parents and/or your sister, invite them to your home.

The problem isn't OP needing support from her family. The problem is OP getting offended that her parents are seeing her sister and she wasn't invited. She doesn't have to be invited to absolutely everything and she certainly shouldn't be putting her poor mum on the spot like that!

If she needs support she can arrange some time with her parents. None of this is her sisters fault, she's allowed alone time with her parents.

I don't understand. What are you uncomfortable with? What's wrong with you spending Sunday alone with your child - can't you make plans yourself?

Why do you think you should always be invited? I was in exactly the same situation as you for years and at no point did I every think that DS and I should always be invited every single time.

Depends how often then @Rosez if it’s the sister being invited every week for lunch without the OP then I can see how she would be upset. If it’s every so often then not so much.

It doesn't appear to be about 'needing support'. The OP doesn't like her parents going to her sister's for lunch without her and her child. Which is frankly ridiculous.

Take the kids out and do something else on a Sunday then, or meet up with friends or other family. You don't just have to sit at home staring at the wall and feel sad about being alone.

This.

Just invite your parents on their own sometimes . I don’t do everything with my sister by any means .

But this is not the mum who is doing the inviting The SISTER is inviting the parents to her own house and OP is complaining that Sis is not inviting her, too. The parents don't need to do 'even Stevens' on accepting invites nor insist that OP be invited too. If OP wants dinner with her parents, she needs to invite them to her own house, with or without Sister & fam.

Thing is, it's sister who has invited mum around but not OP. So even if mum wanted OP around, it would be rude to invite her around to sisters house. If OP truly wants more time with her mum she should just arrange things herself. From the post I didnt get the impression that sister is "hogging" all the time with their parents

Am gobsmacked by the voting here, it is in no way ok to leave a single parent and her child out like this, it would never happen in my family if we lived close enough. In fact, if I knew a single parent locally would invite them to join us as it's a long old Sunday for them.

Oh please don't do this! Leave your mum to have some free Sundays!

Every Sunday? It’s my understanding they do invite her sometimes just not every time, you would invite a single parent round to yours every single Sunday? You wouldn’t fancy any sundays just to yourself? 🙄

I’m not totally sure that general friendship rules apply with siblings. You can’t dictate how much time your sister spends with you. She’s an adult. And yeah, that might mean you’re not best friends but…

I don't understand why some people seem to treat single people as some kind of outcasts from society who need to be pitied and taken care of, as the poor things are only allowed to leave their house for Sunday lunch with parents and that's it.

OP, do you also invite your parents over and they say every single time that no, they prefer to see your sister instead? Then yes clearly there are some issues. But this does not seem to be the scenario here.

As a lone parent, I would be very offended you invited me out of pity like that. I'm perfectly capable of having a day on my own with my own kids and cooking my own damn roast. We don't need to be included in everything and pitied by people because we're on our own on a bloody Sunday.

it is in no way ok to leave a single parent and her child out like this

We are a family of four. I quite often cook a roast; it’s not a hassle. But we often have leftovers. If I were in a situation where I had nearby parents I got on well with, I might well say (at short notice) “come and join us”. Because another two people means just peeling another two or three potatoes and carrots; no big deal. But cooking for 8 is a different order of magnitude. It needs a different sized piece of meat for a start. And the clearing up is commensurately more etc. So I can understand why that’s not something she’d want to do week in, week out. And that’s before you take into account the fact that they might want their kids to have some one on one time with the GPs.

Sorry OP, but I think you're being unreasonable. I'd understand if it was Christmas or celebrating a family birthday or something, but it's just a normal Sunday dinner? Not everything has to be a big family affair. As a child, we always saw our grandparents alone, never with my mum/dad's siblings.
That said, I can see that you're feeling lonely as a single mum and would like to be included in more plans, so I'd say get inviting :) Invite your mum and dad to you for next Sunday, and maybe even your sister etc, if you want to try and change the precedent.