To expect my husband to have a basic understanding of how the female body works?

[Noeggsinmybasket]

I’ve suspected for the last year or so that I’ve been going through peri menopause. I’m 38, my mum started the menopause at 40.

My dh mentioned Ronaldo this evening and how horrible it was that he and his partner had lost their baby. I agreed, it is awful. I said to him that it was an emotive subject for me given that I lost our dc2’s twin during pregnancy. This in itself is something that dh has admitted to having forgotten about in the past (dc2 is only 6)… despite having been fully aware that I was miscarrying at the time and attending the scan and subsequent appointments at which we were told the baby was gone. I’m not really sure how someone can forget having lost a child.

Anyway, long story short… I mentioned to dh that I suspect I have a history of ovulating twice a month/releasing multiple eggs and that is why I am experiencing peri menopause at quite an early stage in life. He didn’t understand this at all. He said oh yes, you thought you were going through menopause when you were pregnant with dc1 (I most certainly did not). He just doesn’t seem to understand the concept of women having a finite amount of eggs, and that if indeed I have been releasing two a month on a regular basis they are likely to be expended at a faster rate, leading to menopause. Is this really such an alien concept? I’m not sure if I’m expecting too much? He got the hump at my exasperation and the night has ended on a sour note. It’s upsetting because I wasn’t looking for an argument, just a conversation and some acknowledgment.

I voted YABU because if you’re old enough for the menopause you’re definitely old enough for that degree of fuckwittery. Add in the whole 2 eggs a month and you’re fucked

I dunno. My colleague thought you made new eggs... and she is married with two children

Where do you think he would have learnt this stuff?

I think it’s fair that a man doesn’t know this. I asked a group of male friends where they thought girls weed from and they all thought it was from the vagina. Shocked there is another one. I guess cos for men it all comes out the same place?!

Anyway, are you sure you’re not deflecting and actually upset about him forgetting DT2?

You're trying to explain something to a man who forgot one of his own children died......

Wow!

The same places we did?? It's not knowledge we're born with!

So by your reasoning, I had 4 kids so missed 36 periods so should have 3 extra years before menopause compared to if I had no kids?

nope, pretty sure that’s not how it works. I don’t think menopause is triggered because you’ve ovulated your last egg.

Eh. They don’t learn it at school, they don’t google menopause or eggs etc, they know sod all about women until eventually their wife gets annoyed and explains.

It’s very annoying but he’s a product of our society so don’t be too cross with him. I would think it a bit weird if DH was reading about ovulation on the internet 🤷‍♀️

What about all those years on the pill? Pills stop ovulation....?

And where was that? I didnt learn it at school in enough detail for OP's husband to understand whats going on (plus I bunked off a lot)

So where would he have learned this?

I must admit I didn't know this either... how does it work for women who've used contraception to suppress ovulation for most of their reproductive lives? Do they go through menopause 20 years later?

While I get the train of thought for your theory, it’s not actually correct.

Most women will ‘expend’ 10-20 eggs per cycle
At the start of each cycle, your ovaries will start to prep a lot of eggs, and then you’ll get a couple of dominant/lead follicles and lots of smaller immature eggs

As you get closer to ovulation, the lead follicle will grow bigger and be released, and the rest will atrophy

When a woman releases 2 eggs, it just means that 2 of that months selection have reached maturity

it doesn’t mean you’ve produced twice as many eggs from your finite stash

so sorry, you can’t roll your eyes at his lack of understanding because you are also lacking the ‘basic understanding’

Obviously that doesn’t excuse or explain his fuckwittery over you losing a twin though

Wow, reading the replies to this is actually quite worrying/surprising how few women actually do know how ovulation works, and think the OPs theory is correct..!

But that’s not how the menopause works…? An unintentionally ironic the sad title OP!

I can't see that your logic is correct. I've been on the pill or pregnant since I've been 15. I'm 40 now, my ovaries surely don't think I'm 17 and plan to pump eggs for the next 30 years?

YABU - you are born with a million or so eggs, 60-70% of these will die before puberty, and tens of thousands will die without reaching maturity - so popping out an extra egg a month won't make your menopause arrive quicker.

A 20yr old will have around 300-500000 eggs, most people will develop around 20 each month of which 1 or 2 actually get released, the rest 'die'. A woman on loses around 1000 eggs a month just as she ages

So neither of you really know female anatomy. You haven't gone through early menopause because you ovulate twice a month. Even if you are actually ovulating the 20 a month, that's really a miniscule amount compared to the natural loss as we age

Sorry, OP, you are wrong. Women have hundreds of thousands of eggs, so when if you did release double the amount an average woman does it still would have nothing to do with you entering peri quicker.

By your logic women who are on the pill for decades enter peri in their seventies?!

Well this is embarrassing!

I accept that I am in fact an idiot, also lacking in basic understanding. Dh has still been unpleasant though. And yes, as pp said I am probably deflecting.

I’ll give myself a biscuit.

Forgotten about, or blocked out?
You don't think highly of him at all, do you?

The internet tells me that women have around 300,000 400,000 eggs left by the time we reach puberty (and have already lost more than that already) and then they start dying of at a rate of up to 1000
a month!

I think you would be better off on your own

I’ll be honest, I’m in my early 30s and had no idea about menopause until my mum went through it. I thought you just stopped getting your period, I had zero clue about all of the side effects that go alongside it.
I don’t remember ever learning anything beyond basic reproduction at school so can understand why your DH would have limited knowledge. It’s not the sort of thing I’d expect men to proactively research.

Your theory is wrong OP but I'm really sorry your DH is so hurtful about the child you lost. What a jerk.

Not sure you can expect the basics from him when you don’t know them yourself 🤷🏼‍♀️