To expect my husband to have a basic understanding of how the female body works?

[Noeggsinmybasket]

I’ve suspected for the last year or so that I’ve been going through peri menopause. I’m 38, my mum started the menopause at 40.

My dh mentioned Ronaldo this evening and how horrible it was that he and his partner had lost their baby. I agreed, it is awful. I said to him that it was an emotive subject for me given that I lost our dc2’s twin during pregnancy. This in itself is something that dh has admitted to having forgotten about in the past (dc2 is only 6)… despite having been fully aware that I was miscarrying at the time and attending the scan and subsequent appointments at which we were told the baby was gone. I’m not really sure how someone can forget having lost a child.

Anyway, long story short… I mentioned to dh that I suspect I have a history of ovulating twice a month/releasing multiple eggs and that is why I am experiencing peri menopause at quite an early stage in life. He didn’t understand this at all. He said oh yes, you thought you were going through menopause when you were pregnant with dc1 (I most certainly did not). He just doesn’t seem to understand the concept of women having a finite amount of eggs, and that if indeed I have been releasing two a month on a regular basis they are likely to be expended at a faster rate, leading to menopause. Is this really such an alien concept? I’m not sure if I’m expecting too much? He got the hump at my exasperation and the night has ended on a sour note. It’s upsetting because I wasn’t looking for an argument, just a conversation and some acknowledgment.

Pyri This doesn't surprise me at all! An ex of mine thought this too.

Yanbu to hope that your h is not like those dumb wits who think that women can hold onto their period blood until they go for a wee.

I suspect his lack of understanding about the female body isn't unusual

Yanbu to hope that your h is not like those dumb wits who think that women can hold onto their period blood until they go for a wee.

I suspect his lack of understanding about the female body isn't unusual

I’m not sure what he was thinking @mathanxiety . I explained that the vagina is not a sphincter and no one is required to go to the beach or long hikes on their period if it doesn’t suit them.

The NHS website said talk to the doctor if you are experiencing menopause symptoms before 45...

To be fair to him I've had 2 first trimester miscarriages and I don't remember that most of the time. At my last booking appointment I couldn't even remember which year the second one happened. For me it is not comparable to Ronald's situation.

I'm sorry you lost your baby, OP.

In my experience women often feel miscarriage much more keenly than men, and in your husband's case you did have a living baby from that pregnancy so I can see why he might not necessarily think of it as a loss.

I'm pretty sure ovulating more than once per cycle at different times isn't something that actually happens. Some women have a genetic predisposition to ovulating two eggs at once, which is why fraternal twins run in some families. And women who are taking fertility drugs such as Clomid might have more of a chance of ovulating more than one egg. But multiple ovulation events per cycle? I don't think so.

I also think you're being a little unreasonable with regard to your husband. First of all, the stuff you're talking about isn't actually all that basic. And second, a lot of women don't actually have a very detailed understanding of how their bodies work.

One thing I see an awful lot of on here is women insisting that they didn't get a positive pregnancy test until they were two weeks late. That's not something that happens. You can ovulate two weeks later than normal. But if you're pregnant you will get a clear positive on a pregnancy test no more than 14 days later.

There are also quite regular cases of women not realising they are pregnant until they are quite far along, or in some rare cases even until they are in labour. I would think it was a bit harsh if someone said that they ought to have a basic understanding of how their own bodies work, because nobody really knows whether they bled or not, whether they had regular cycles in the first place, whether they had an anterior placenta and felt very little movement, all sorts of things. So if we can forgive those women for not realising they were pregnant, I think we can forgive men for not having a detailed understanding of the various stages of the menstrual cycle.