Hit me with some hard truth

[Newmama93]

herviewfromhome.com/motherhood-son-growing-up-slowest-breakup/

this article has me really depressed and feeling so miserable for a while now. Is this what it’s really like? I was so unprepared for the pain of this.

This. Your son will grow into a man. You will get to enjoy every stage. When he leaves home he will still come back. Stop reading drivel.As he grows and forms his life, your life will change and grow too. Get off the Internet and go for a brisk walk whilst giving your head a big wobble.

Why will you miss it?? My sons are in their twenties and I still enjoy seeing them happy etc. why do you think that will end?? Frankly it’s a bit insulting that you perceive mothers of “ grown up sons “ as a little bit less that you . That’s the impression you give I’m afraid .

please stop being so sentimental it will ruin your day . Believe me you will still love and adore your child when his is grown . It doesn’t just stop!

I'm so sorry things are so tough for you, but I think it was good for you to post, and hopefully put things into perspective for OP a little bit.

Similarly, my friend's 17yo son died of cancer, and I'm sure she would love him to have reached adulthood and moved out of the family home on two feet rather than in a box.

Perspective.

This.

Be grateful for what you have now and stop worrying about 10/15 years time. It's a great feeling watching your children move on into the world as adults.

FWIW, I have sons aged 19 & 32. They still say they love me, hug me and talk to me about all sorts of stuff. Relationships don't disappear as they get older, they just change.

But he will start school and you will have tremendous pride in that. Then he will start secondary school and work/ University. He may get married and make you a granny. There are so many stages of your child's life.There are so many glorious moments. Babies are lovely but so is taking your giant son out for lunch after his graduation . Don't hover over him or suffocate him with motherly stuff . He needs to find out who he is. Let them go and they will come back is a very good saying.

My son is 9 now. He's funny, intelligent and good company. I don't mourn the whiny, self centred toddler he was.

What self-absorbed tripe.

Time for a break from the internet OP.

Load of old bollocks. My ds is 13 and has just recently been reluctant to hug me like he used to. I’m not upset, he smells. It’s quite frankly a relief.

This really. The title of the article made me gag. Reeks of all the 'boy mom' nonsense, it's creepy

Also to add that as our kids grow up, so, thankfully, do we. And we stop getting upset over nonsense like this.

why Is this only applicable to sons as well? Or is it assuming that daughters obviously always stay closeby and are life-long best friends forever with mum.

agree with all the PPs about this article

My DS is now 23 and his DD's joke that he is my golden child.
I only wanted girls (I'm one of 3 girls, DSis only has girls, DH only has sister) and was a bit when DS popped out.
Every stage with him has been fun; learning about gaming, Marvel movies, rugby, F1 etc. etc. and the way his focus at school was so different to mine/his DSis (s), and maybe more balanced in a funny way.
This is the quote I have on my desk "Boys banish mothers, with flickers of that early love state still shining briefly, like memories of a fairytale they haven't been told for years" don't know where I first saw it sadly. Many here will say sentimental bollox but I think it's true and I am happy with that.
My DH is visiting his elderly mum today, he still shares a good bond with her.
DS is due home this afternoon, with his lovely gf, and we are all out for a curry tonight and brunch at his childhood rugby club tomorrow. Happy days.
I get you Newmama93 but, tragedy's aside, you will always be bonded closely with your DS.

I can understand how you feel, when my kids were really little I couldn't get my head around the fact that my kids wouldn't always live with me. Now they are getting into teenage years I relish the times when they go and see friends and I am alone. I think that's why nature invented teenage moodiness, so you would be so ready to let them go!

@volezvoo I'd say there's a huge element in truth to that. Let's remove the obvious going NC because mother / family was abusive and of course many families have relatives spread all over the globe. But in the most general sense I do think daughters 'stick around' or continue to have a certain bond with their mothers that son's generally don't. Even when I look at my own family in which there was no abuse and we all had a fairly great childhood my sisters and I are much more interactive with our mum than our brothers who will only really attend family gatherings if it's an occasion or something like that whereas the rest of us will call our mum to ask if she fancies going for lunch on the hoof iyswim?

I remember feeling a little like that when my first was tiny. But the thing is, you find so much joy and wonder in the new, funny, wondrous, clever, curious people they develop into as they go through their lives that jt crowds out the feelings of nostalgia.

I just climbed a mountain (an easy one, but still a proper one and some difficult bits and stamina required) with my two boys. They're 10 and 6. I can honestly say that I have that same intense feeling of love and pride in their achievements and discoveries now as I did when they were tiny things.

Early parenting is an adjustment. It's the first time in your life that you've had such a close relationship with someone who changes so much more quickly than you do. So you can't conceive of loving the 10 year old in the same way as you love the 1 year old, because you don't have a point of reference for that kind of love for someone who changes so much so quickly.

But you will love and find joy and wonder in your future son every bit as much as the joy and wonder you feel now. These days with absolutely be precious memories. But you won't have lost your baby, you will have raised your son.

OP, it’s ok to be worried about the future and not grab every single day as a joy because others have gone through something different. The trick is not to let it overwhelm you. Yes, one day your child will grow up and move away, but you’ve got a whole load of years to fill before that happens, look forward to the journey, don’t focus on the end.

Perhaps revisit your previous threads OP, including

”my son is driving me nuts”

there is a beautiful ebb and flow to parenting, you’re obviously at a high point this morning, tomorrow you may have “one of those days” when you wish the time away

Oh I don’t mean reference to that thread in a nasty way!

more a a note of realism

I agree with this, I remember too when my kids were small, the thought of them leaving filled me with dread, but when the times comes, it isn't so bad- you really think another way. You still love your kids, but having space away from them while they make their own way is a relief!

So many amazing comments. Thanks everyone. I cry as I hold my 1 year old in my arms, I love him so much as he is today, tiny teeth, cheeky grin and clumsy walking. I don’t ever miss the time that has passed as I love him so much as he is so hopefully I feel this way as he grows. I just feel it’s an adjustment to have this bond as we do, him being the centre of my world and vice versa to have to deal with me slowly becoming pushed away. Ahhh I’ll have to get a puppy

Op don’t worry, my older (very independent) brother (mid 30’s) has a mortgage, a wife, 3 children, lives 150 miles from us and he still needs my mum just as much as ever. They talk on the phone 1-2 times a week and she spends the weekend with him and his family once every 5-6 weeks. He also brings his children up to stay with us every school holidays for a week to give his wife a break. My mum often jokes that he’s more needy now than when he was a child.

I honestly think he’d have my mum stay with him every other weekend if it weren’t for him having a wife.

you will always be the first women your son ever loved and he will always love you fiercely. When your children are older you will fill your time with other things, maybe grandchildren, holidays, eating out etc. You will not lose your child. X

See this fucking shite??? This gives me thrush, I swear to GOD, get off the poxy internet and stop posting absolute twaddle. Your child is alive, running about, reaching milestones, happy, healthy and you are grieving what? Him growing up? Twee, sentimental, self indulgent wank. There are people here on the thread who have lost kids, whose kids have major difficulties and whose children will never get the chance to grow up. Give yourself a great big kick in the hole and bring your kid to the park and get over yourself.

But that joy in watching him learn is joy in watching him grow and change and become an adult. Each new thing he does is a step closer to being an adult, and (almost) each step is a joy to watch. My daughter is 14 now and she's still taking steps towards adulthood, and it it still a joy to watch her take them.

And yes, she's more independent and pulling away and will move out one day, but I'd much rather have that than the alternatives, there are parents here who have 14 year olds who are non verbal, who will never progress, and to me that sounds like hell.

(No offence meant to anyone dealing with this, I am in awe of you)

But in the most general sense I do think daughters 'stick around' or continue to have a certain bond with their mothers that son's generally don't.

MIL has two sons. We’re going for “lunch on the hoof” with her tomorrow. She had dinner out with my BIL last night.

My brother pops round to see my mum far more often than I do, he lives much closer.

My sister’s son is regularly popping round to see her.

It’s about the individual, there is no “rule”

Hence the PP “in general”
indicating PP does not think the “rule” but rather more heavily weighted