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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A man has been watching my house for months. Awful experience with police who won't do anything.

306 replies

Lightintheroom · 22/04/2022 10:57

Since before Christmas, a man has been watching my house. He stands on the other side of the road and stares right up at the house for up to ten minutes at a time.

It started because DH (politely) asked him to stop parking across our drive every day.

DH works away a lot and I WFH meaning it's usually only me at home when he does it. I've reported this twice to the police online. Neither of us have approached or spoken to the man since DH asked him not to block our drive.

I've now had a call from the police who asked for details, then said there is nothing they can do. He's not breaking the law by watching the house and it's below the level for prosecution.

I've had my car tampered with, I'm often alone at home and I just wanted them to speak to him and tell him to stop. I know roughly where he lives further up the road. They won't do anything.

The police officer made me feel like an idiot. I said I'm worried he'll do something, it's making me feel uncomfortable and scared and I just want him to stop.

As they won't be doing anything, I said the only thing I can think of doing is approaching him (while recording on my phone) and telling him to stop watching my house and to leave me alone.

The officer completely turned on me and said they would be recording what I'd just said in their notes and that if I was really "in fear" that I would not approach him and that I was just "looking for a reaction" from this man.

The officer said that nobody who was genuinely in fear of someone would approach them - as if I was somehow making this up.

I made the point that it was harrassment, stalking even, and that there's currently a BTP campaign on the tube around staring at women.

I cried. Like a fool I cried on the phone to the police because the officer was so unhelpful and essentially told me I wasn't scared of this man at all.

I'm not expecting him to be charged with something, I just want someone to tell him to stop.

OP posts:
NumberCurtains · 22/04/2022 11:00

Fucking police. Useless bastards. This is harassment. Is there any way you can see a solicitor? Consider making a complaint to the IPCC or your MP. Good luck x

ponkydonkey · 22/04/2022 11:01

Get a camera installed! He'll give up

startrek90 · 22/04/2022 11:01

You poor thing. I understand why this would be so utterly upsetting. I'm afraid I don't have good advice and I am sure some mumsnetters will be along with good advice. I just wanted to offer sympathy. I think there is a stalking support group....maybe call them and ask for advice/signposting?

LimoncelloMadness · 22/04/2022 11:02

You poor thing. I would put in a complaint about this, it's just not good enough.

Mumteedum · 22/04/2022 11:03

What did they say about the car being tampered with? That's a really poor response from the police.

I would keep a log of every time you see him and get a ring doorbell. Be vigilant with your security keeping the door locked etc. Then I would go back to the police and ask to speak to someone else.

RandomUser10093 · 22/04/2022 11:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

IncompleteSenten · 22/04/2022 11:07

I'd get a camera.

I'm sorry the police are being useless. Not surprised, but sorry.

RandomUser10093 · 22/04/2022 11:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Indicatrice · 22/04/2022 11:08

That police officer is a victim blaming bastard.

OP, write up a complaint based on what he said and escalate it to the senior police.

Find your anger, none of this is your fault and you have the right to feel safe in your own home.

10HailMarys · 22/04/2022 11:12

Your car has been tampered with?! Bloody hell.

It might be correct that the police can't do much about a man looking at your house for ten minutes (although I totally get why you're freaked out - I would be too; it's creepy and horrible) but surely if your car has been messed with they should be considering looking into that, at the very least?

Either way, the way the police talked to you was totally unacceptable and inappropriate.

AdaColeman · 22/04/2022 11:15

Upgrade your house security with cameras and lights, get an alarm system that is monitored by a control room.
Do not approach the man yourself under any circumstances. He is doing this to get a response from you. If you interact with him, he will see it as a success, and take things to the next level.

You must start keeping a diary of what is happening, especially your contacts with the police, note dates, quote what they said, always get their name & rank and note it in the diary.

notanothertakeaway · 22/04/2022 11:15

Do you have a Ring doorbell?

BritWifeInUSA · 22/04/2022 11:16

Your husband should speak to him.

HollowTalk · 22/04/2022 11:17

As others have said, good cameras and your MP are the way to go. Can you afford a dashcam and a Ring doorbell? Your MP should act quickly on this one - hope that police officer is disciplined for this.

MunchMunch · 22/04/2022 11:17

I think I would record him (from inside) every time I saw him watching the house but make sure he sees that I'm recording him.

Definitely make a complaint about the officer you spoke to. After high profile cases like Alice Ruggles and celebrity stalkers you'd think the police would take it more seriously.

Ask for a copy of the recorded phone call with the police officer for your own records and I'd be logging/recording every bit of contact with both the freak who is staring at you and the police.

I agree about upping your home security and if you haven't already, get outdoor lights also make sure before you get out of your car you've got your house key and phone in hand.

RandomUser10093 · 22/04/2022 11:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

FatEaredFuck · 22/04/2022 11:18

He's doing it to intimidate you. I would also file a complaint to the police.

ImplementingTheDennisSystem · 22/04/2022 11:20

That's so frightening. What a strange character, to find the time to do this every day.
As others have suggested, I would get a very visible camera installed.

UhtredsLatestPaganHussy · 22/04/2022 11:21

I can't believe some people have voted that you're being unreasonable.

I'm sorry you're going through this. He sounds like a petty little bully. Infuriating that so many men get a thrill from intimidating women. And that the police do fuck all about it. Was it a male police officer?

Definitely get cameras installed, and keep phoning and emailing the (useless fucking) police logging every time that he's carrying out his intimidation tactics. Ask to speak to someone with more seniority. Write to your MP.

BakedTattie · 22/04/2022 11:21

I’d complain to the police force. I’d also involve my mp and let them know how the police have ‘dealt’ with this. Good idea about installing cameras, even dummy ones can deter people. Or a ring doorbell.

id keep calling the police every time this creep does this too.

LizzieMacQueen · 22/04/2022 11:22

Are you allowed to film people in the street? Definitely log the times/dates he's there.

What a nightmare for you. Flowers

trevthecat · 22/04/2022 11:24

Get cctv. Or at least a ring doorbell so you have proof of how much it is happening

R0BYN · 22/04/2022 11:26

Phone this charity and get advice about stalking

www.paladinservice.co.uk/

website looks a bit weird as they are under contruction but it’s a legit organisation .

SushiShopSearch · 22/04/2022 11:28

You need to escalate this within the police force. You have been unfortunately speaking to useless plebs. All workplaces have them.

CrotchetyQuaver · 22/04/2022 11:29

You need to sort out security cameras on your house and get the evidence to support your claims. I don't doubt you for a moment BTW, but the police can't/won't bother without this. Keep a written log as well.

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