A man has been watching my house for months. Awful experience with police who won't do anything.

[Lightintheroom]

Since before Christmas, a man has been watching my house. He stands on the other side of the road and stares right up at the house for up to ten minutes at a time.

It started because DH (politely) asked him to stop parking across our drive every day.

DH works away a lot and I WFH meaning it's usually only me at home when he does it. I've reported this twice to the police online. Neither of us have approached or spoken to the man since DH asked him not to block our drive.

I've now had a call from the police who asked for details, then said there is nothing they can do. He's not breaking the law by watching the house and it's below the level for prosecution.

I've had my car tampered with, I'm often alone at home and I just wanted them to speak to him and tell him to stop. I know roughly where he lives further up the road. They won't do anything.

The police officer made me feel like an idiot. I said I'm worried he'll do something, it's making me feel uncomfortable and scared and I just want him to stop.

As they won't be doing anything, I said the only thing I can think of doing is approaching him (while recording on my phone) and telling him to stop watching my house and to leave me alone.

The officer completely turned on me and said they would be recording what I'd just said in their notes and that if I was really "in fear" that I would not approach him and that I was just "looking for a reaction" from this man.

The officer said that nobody who was genuinely in fear of someone would approach them - as if I was somehow making this up.

I made the point that it was harrassment, stalking even, and that there's currently a BTP campaign on the tube around staring at women.

I cried. Like a fool I cried on the phone to the police because the officer was so unhelpful and essentially told me I wasn't scared of this man at all.

I'm not expecting him to be charged with something, I just want someone to tell him to stop.

Could you ask them to confirm to you in writing that they are saying there is nothing wrong with a man stalking you repeatedly?
Maybe crimestoppers might help instead of the police?
Or do you know any big blokes who can stand and stare back at him if you dont think he would be intimidated by you doing it

For it to be harassment he needs to have had two warnings to stop first. Which is difficult if you’ve already said you’re intimidated by his staring. The police should warn him with a formal harassment warning. If they’re saying staring doesn’t constitute as harassment then quote the protection from harassment act 1997.
It would also fall under stalking but if he is ‘only’ staring it would be classed as low risk.
I would contact a stalking agency such as paladin for advice. You could be given an advocate which will help your case with the police.
If he breaks his formal warning he could be given an SPO. Stalking protection order.
The most important thing is to get evidence. You need a Ring doorbell. Position it so that it’ll capture him standing there. If you can’t get hold of one, film very very discretely from your house.
Keep a diary of how often and for how long it happens.
Put in the diary how it makes you feel every time.

You should never feel ashamed for becoming emotional about something like this. None of it is your fault, he is an abusive individual and that police officer sounded very unprofessional.
I had a similar experience when I was younger with a guy harassing me because I politely declined his offer of going for a drink. It was frightening and all consuming, even when others passed it off as low level or telling me his bark was probably worse than his bite.

The third of these is a terrible idea. It will just lead to escalation, possibly violence. And you can almost guarantee that the police will take any complaint made by the 'starer' against said big bloke deadly seriously. It's the way they work.

This does not surprise me. I was physically assaulted earlier this year by an unknown male (argument over parking) he punched me in the face and stamped on my hand when I fell to the ground. The police said it was my word against his without a witness (which there was) . I despise the Police quite frankly , they are lazy and incompetent at best. I'm so sorry you are going through this, it must be pretty scary. At least my assault is over and done with.

The police are tied up here, if they go and talk to the person then they too can make a complaint about them because 'no crime' has been committed. Today the police are really limited in what they can and can not do compared with 30 yrs ago. Warning someone off can cost them their job.

The police are shit, do you know anyone who looks scary who could challenge him

The police don't need to give him an formal warning - the offence is complete if he peruses a course of conduct which is harassing or he ought to know is harassing.

The only reason why the police issue these warnings is if a person is doing something which might not seem harassing to that person, but is to the victim. For example when ever i meet you in the street for a chat i might be the kind of person that always touches you on the shoulder to talk. I might think I'm just being polite/affectionate - but you might see it as harassing. So in this case the police might warn initially so that I am now aware that touching you on the shoulder is harassing to you.

In this case, the male might use an excuse that he is watching wildlife, or is out of breath from walking when he reaches the victims house - so an initial warning might be useful to show him that its causing the RP harassment.

But - ultimately we don't have to issue any warnings for the offence to be perused

Yet they can stop and search a young black man for not being 'dressed for the climate’ as recently reported. Police have many reasons why than can approach someone acting suspiciously, why can't that ask this gimp why he is loitering.

This is not true - there doesn't need to be a crime for the police to talk to them and warn them off.

But in this case there is a crime.

@WakeyCakeyHeart , so sorry to hear about your experience. The problem with the police is that they are mostly men. And that informs what they take seriously. I hope you are ok now.

Is this not stalking? It’s definitely harassment. Surely a man can be warned off by the police if he’s standing staring at a woman alone in her house? Don’t approach him he’s unbalanced that’s for sure.

Not just one camera, several, front and back.

Keep a log of when you see him.

Can you get a private detective to check out this man? Who he is, where he lives, so that you have the information if you need it. Making it clear in your account of this that you did it because the police weren't any help at all!

Honestly after the first time I'd have had cameras installed. It's been 4 months, get a camera.

And one of those security lights overlooking your car that shine brightly when they sense motion.

Might be worth putting a big old sign up as well mentioning that there is a camera.

This should come under as threatening and abusive behaviour as it is putting you into a state of fear and alarm. I would go back and speak to another officer. In the meantime getting cctv and a ring doorbell and log everything with dates & times and how long he stands for. Also if your friendly with your neighbours make them aware. Can't stand dickheads like this. I can totally understand how it is scaring you. It wold scare me. I hope you are ok and get yourself online to our buy cameras and a ring doorbell.

To add to my above reply once you have evidence on your cameras along with your log book go see a solicitor and ask to put an interdict/injunction on him.

Yet again, police and other public sector awareness campaigns and slogans but the reality of actual provision for those suffering is very different. All bloody lip service, a willingness to look like something is being done but no actual change or resources at ground level.

OP I have been through similar with a neighbour that lives opposite. It all started when he accused my ex DH of waking his mum up at night (I wasn’t him making the noise) The police did fuck all. It finally stopped when I started taking pictures of him whenever I noticed him looking into my house - I went to the door with the camera open on my phone and took pics of him standing at his window. He soon stopped after that. Why not try the same? It’s a good way of making a stand while avoiding a confrontation.

We have to have net curtains and blinds shut at the front now to remove any temptation for him to look in.

When I pass him I ignore him, look away, bo eye contact. He doesn’t exist.

We had some unsavoury people hanging around outside our house. We eventually put a big sign up with a CCTV camera picture on it and it said CCTV recording. They haven't been back since.

I'd put a big sign like that very visibly on your house, it might put him off. If not, install CCTV and record him doing it. Go higher up with the police about the harassment.

Make sure you have your CCTV warning stickers up on your house, record him, then continue to complain.

Why hasn’t your husband said anything to him? This bloke’s making your life a misery and terrifying you yet your husband sounds fairly complacent

You can get one-way mirror film for your windows. Would that make you feel better if he only saw his own reflection back?

Right. Camera is up at the front of the house. I’ll order a sign in the hope that will also be a deterrent.

to those asking why I didn’t get a camera before, as I’ve said my neighbour has a camera as does the business he’s standing outside.

I’d already asked NDN and the business if they have footage of him loitering and they do.

I was waiting for the police to get in touch at which point I could tell them there is footage of him - but they’re not interested as no crime has been committed according to them.

The police are hopeless. They won't do anything for anyone anymore. Unless maybe you're speeding.

I'm going to against the grain. What OP has given the police is an unevidenced accusation of an unknown individual behaving in a way that may or may not be criminal. The officer should have behaved in a way that was a bit more tactful and sympathetic but ultimately there's not a lot for them to act on here.