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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A man has been watching my house for months. Awful experience with police who won't do anything.

306 replies

Lightintheroom · 22/04/2022 10:57

Since before Christmas, a man has been watching my house. He stands on the other side of the road and stares right up at the house for up to ten minutes at a time.

It started because DH (politely) asked him to stop parking across our drive every day.

DH works away a lot and I WFH meaning it's usually only me at home when he does it. I've reported this twice to the police online. Neither of us have approached or spoken to the man since DH asked him not to block our drive.

I've now had a call from the police who asked for details, then said there is nothing they can do. He's not breaking the law by watching the house and it's below the level for prosecution.

I've had my car tampered with, I'm often alone at home and I just wanted them to speak to him and tell him to stop. I know roughly where he lives further up the road. They won't do anything.

The police officer made me feel like an idiot. I said I'm worried he'll do something, it's making me feel uncomfortable and scared and I just want him to stop.

As they won't be doing anything, I said the only thing I can think of doing is approaching him (while recording on my phone) and telling him to stop watching my house and to leave me alone.

The officer completely turned on me and said they would be recording what I'd just said in their notes and that if I was really "in fear" that I would not approach him and that I was just "looking for a reaction" from this man.

The officer said that nobody who was genuinely in fear of someone would approach them - as if I was somehow making this up.

I made the point that it was harrassment, stalking even, and that there's currently a BTP campaign on the tube around staring at women.

I cried. Like a fool I cried on the phone to the police because the officer was so unhelpful and essentially told me I wasn't scared of this man at all.

I'm not expecting him to be charged with something, I just want someone to tell him to stop.

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 08/06/2022 14:02

NotMyselfWithoutCoffee · 08/06/2022 12:42

Zombie thread.

What determines a Zombie thread? This one was last posted on back in April 2022, just a few months ago.
It's hardly in the 'zombie' thread realm now is it????

I'm genuinely interested about what turns an inactive thread into a Zombie one.

Herejustforthisone · 08/06/2022 14:32

Holland65 · 08/06/2022 11:42

This is why police officer is a profession that is only barely liked above a prison guard.

What’s wrong with being a prison officer?

2bazookas · 08/06/2022 14:52

The officer said that nobody who was genuinely in fear of someone would approach them - as if I was somehow making this up.

You misunderstood. He's telling you that IF ther CPS is ever to make a case against this man for causing fear and harassment, then the foundation of that case would be that he caused fear and you felt threatened, intimidated.
That you did everything possible to stay out of reach, stay safe, protect yourself.

IF you, personally approach and confront the man or do/say anything threatening to him , that undermines your report of being intimidated and threatened by him.

His defence case would be: police notes that you'd been advised NOT to challenge the guy face to face but did it anyway.

That his client is a harmless bystander threatened in person by a woman who clearly was not afraid to approach him.

NippyWoowoo · 08/06/2022 17:21

Holland65 · 08/06/2022 11:42

This is why police officer is a profession that is only barely liked above a prison guard.

People who randomly resurrect zombie threads should be banned

NippyWoowoo · 08/06/2022 17:24

What determines a Zombie thread? This one was last posted on back in April 2022, just a few months ago. It's hardly in the 'zombie' thread realm now is it????

I'm genuinely interested about what turns an inactive thread into a Zombie one.

Someone picking up on a thread that hasn't been active for over a month as though they're continuing the conversation does it for me.

Unless the OP is coming back to update and sparking new conversation, it's dead. No need to be brought back to life. Hence 'zombie'.

NorthernLights5 · 08/06/2022 17:46

I'd have dealt with it completely differently - as the officers i know would have done to be honest. All police officers like to point out they and everyone they know would have dealt with it differently. I put various complaints in when I was violently raped and was told it was my word against his and I'd just be causing more work for the police to take things further.

People do need to complain more when incidents like this happen. Its the only way to effect change. Most people who receive a bad service just never seem to complain and a bad police force/police unit just carries on as if they are doing everything right. The onus should be on the public to police the police. What a pathetic response. How many more women need to die before things like this get taken seriously?

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