A man has been watching my house for months. Awful experience with police who won't do anything.

[Lightintheroom]

Since before Christmas, a man has been watching my house. He stands on the other side of the road and stares right up at the house for up to ten minutes at a time.

It started because DH (politely) asked him to stop parking across our drive every day.

DH works away a lot and I WFH meaning it's usually only me at home when he does it. I've reported this twice to the police online. Neither of us have approached or spoken to the man since DH asked him not to block our drive.

I've now had a call from the police who asked for details, then said there is nothing they can do. He's not breaking the law by watching the house and it's below the level for prosecution.

I've had my car tampered with, I'm often alone at home and I just wanted them to speak to him and tell him to stop. I know roughly where he lives further up the road. They won't do anything.

The police officer made me feel like an idiot. I said I'm worried he'll do something, it's making me feel uncomfortable and scared and I just want him to stop.

As they won't be doing anything, I said the only thing I can think of doing is approaching him (while recording on my phone) and telling him to stop watching my house and to leave me alone.

The officer completely turned on me and said they would be recording what I'd just said in their notes and that if I was really "in fear" that I would not approach him and that I was just "looking for a reaction" from this man.

The officer said that nobody who was genuinely in fear of someone would approach them - as if I was somehow making this up.

I made the point that it was harrassment, stalking even, and that there's currently a BTP campaign on the tube around staring at women.

I cried. Like a fool I cried on the phone to the police because the officer was so unhelpful and essentially told me I wasn't scared of this man at all.

I'm not expecting him to be charged with something, I just want someone to tell him to stop.

Can you get a camera installed and then in a week or two share it on your local FB asking if anyone knows who this person is and why they stop and stare at your house everyday?

I'd feel safer if more people were aware of this creepy behaviour and were looking out.

Don't mention you've been to the police and their crap response in case it gives creepo a sense of he can do whatever.

So sorry this is being done to you. How horrible. It is massively important to feel safe in one's own home.
Get a camera installed.
Keep a log, write the time and date he was there, and how it made you feel.
Find the relevant laws and seek to pursue him legally.
Keep your behaviour and your husband's behaviour legal.
Seek out stalker and harassment support groups.
Write to all relevant authorities and politicians.

Email them your log, including the police response.

Mostly excellent advice but don't just cc your MP into the emails. Thousands of people do this. MPs don't have time to read through email threads, trying to work out what is going on.

Instead, write to your MP, outlining the situation. Then cc him/her into a formal complaint to the police.

From the CPS: www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/stalking-and-harassment
"Definition of stalking
Stalking is not legally defined but section 2A (3) of the PHA 1997 lists a number of examples of behaviours associated with stalking. The list is not an exhaustive one but gives an indication of the types of behaviour that may be displayed in a stalking offence. The listed behaviours are:
(a) following a person,
(b) contacting, or attempting to contact, a person by any means,
(c) publishing any statement or other material relating or purporting to relate to a person, or purporting to originate from a person,
(d) monitoring the use by a person of the internet, email or any other form of electronic communication,
(e) loitering in any place (whether public or private),
(f) interfering with any property in the possession of a person,
(g) watching or spying on a person."

There's a stalking helpline too - www.suzylamplugh.org/pages/category/national-stalking-helpline

Okay. Firstly, this is a form of harrassment and the police should at least have spoken with the man in question. I would get in touch with the police station and make a formal complaint about the handling of your case, the officers behavior and have a copy of this complaint submitted to my local MP alongside a letter asking them to look into the matter. That covers your bases regarding the poor police response and should light a fire under them should you have need to call the police again. Sadly in the modern day, only by being a nuisance and the threat that you could create a public outcry with a proper paper trail to back it can you get a proper response from the police.

Secondly. DO NOT approach this man youself, even with a camera on. Before moving to education I worked for a very short time (hated the system/treatement of people) in the legal profession. Clients who 'confronted' their harrassers opened themselves up to be counter sued for harrassment themselves, breaches of privacy not from the recording but from mishandling of a recording which then constituted persoanl data and to the accusations of escilating a situation. Unfortunatley where evidence is a balance of probabilities or beyond reasonable doubt (civil vs criminal) and this is a 'he said, she said' case you cannot give this man ammunition. If this ever legally progresses then by confronting him you undermine the argument you were afraid of him, no matter how cruel and illogical that sounds. Jurys and the law are asses and anything can be twisted as I unfortunately learned. This man could claim he stands there 10minutes a day because he likes looking at a tree, a cloud, a car, a plant etc etc. that is best visbile from that spot which just happens to be outside your home. It may sound odd or unbelieveable but without hard evidence disproving his claims it is a reasonabel excuse and so because it is his word against yours, you then look like the 'hysterical woman' who is over reacting and accusing some slightly eccentric but innocnet bloke.

Install a good quality CCTV camera at your home which is accompanied by a large sign saying CCTV is in operation. The sign is very important because under the law only video where a person did not have a reasonable expectation of privacy is admissable in legal proceedings. The large sign means this man no longer has that expectation of privacy in front of your property and you can use the camera to prove his loitering and any damage he causes to your property. Review the camera's footage daily and start a notebook of when he stands outside your property, for how long and what he does. This will make it easier to prove a pattern should you ever have to call in the police again. Sadly police are generally lazy, just handing them CCTV proof often isn't enough since the shortage of manpower and tedium of going through hours of footage delays everything. If you have the CCTV footage and a journal of exactly where on the recordings they need to look, how often and what they will see, this simplifies the investigation for them and increases your chances they will act. Also, always keep a duplicate of any video or journals you give to police in case they get 'lost' while in police hands. An all too often reality.

Best of luck and be safe.

I would contact the police again. Their response is awful.
Do not interact with this man at all.

I would complain and get a ring doorbell.

Please don't approach the man, he is clearly unhinged.

The police need to take this more seriously, a few years ago someone in my area was murdered by a next door neighbour they had complained about. He accessed their house through the loft.

www.victimsupport.org.uk/crime-info/types-crime/stalking-and-harassment/

This is a link to victim support. He is harrasing you and it is a crime. The police just fobbed you off. You may be better to get a lawyer, who will implement the law for you.

Definitely put in a complaint about the police officer you spoke to. I can’t believe what has happened to the police force in this country, it’s absolutely shameful. That’s what you get when you employ wife beaters and animal abusers I suppose.

Go above this policeman's head, ring the station and ask who's in charge and either get his number, ask to be put through or get his email.

Make a complaint, you have been massively fobbed off, even if they can't do anything they should at least take you seriously and give you some reassurance or advice.

I made a complaint when a mentally ill new neighbour started threatening me on a regular basis, a policeman came out and basically fobbed me off, it had been going on for a year.
He said "what's he going to do, you're overreacting, it's not a crime, it's not something we deal with, what's it to you, we don't have time for this" 🙄

I made a complaint, the first officer had to apologise to me face to face, I then dealt with another officer who eventually helped me get a public order notice I think it was called.

I'd also recommend a ring doorbell or camera to get evidence.

Unfortunately not all policeman take their duties seriously

What a bunch of useless, lazy, women-hating arseholes. Par for the course, unfortunately.

Has you husband tried ringing up, OP? He may get a different reaction.

I'm so sorry you're suffering this frightening harassment AND have had such a useless and victim-blaming, lazy response from the police.

I would second getting a camera with notice and making as big a fuss as you can about the police's supine response. Complain to both them and your MP.

Is it the Met, out of interest?

I'm just really grateful that others think it's not me going mad here. I literally felt like the police were turning this on me.

The police officer who called me was female which, in a way, made the reaction and the conversation worse. I understand if people think that's stupid, and not that I should expect different from a male or female officer, but it did just make it more disappointing (to me) that they refuse to do anything.

I'm kicking myself for getting emotional about it on the phone but I tend to get tearful when I feel something is so unjust. I tried to put myself across calmly but I just ended up getting upset.

NDNs do have a camera at the front and we have one ready to set up. I know he can also be seen on a businesses' CCTV as well the other side of the road.
I did put this in my online report but didn't get to mention it on the phone when the police called today, it seemed pointless at that point as they were adamant they wouldn't be taking any action.

Ring the Police Every. Single. Time.

If you're a nuisance to them, they may have a word with him just to shut you up.
And get a camera installed. Better than filming him on your phone as Police would then need to take your phone to download the evidence if they ever decided to take action.

Re my car being tampered with - someone tried to steal the catalytic converter. I know it's likely not this man who is responsible but I explained to the police that I'm understandably paranoid because he's always watching the house.

She just shut me down and said cat thefts are on the increase in the area and there's no way this man would have been responsible for that.

Omg I can't believe what I just read. I'm normally an advocate for the police but this gave me the rage. Completely clueless. I think that many people would approach someone they feared in a desperate attempt to get them to stop. What about local press........just a thought

UrslaB

This man could claim he stands there 10minutes a day because he likes looking at a tree, a cloud, a car, a plant etc etc. that is best visible from that spot which just happens to be outside your home. It may sound odd or unbelievable but without hard evidence disproving his claims it is a reasonable excuse and so because it is his word against yours, you then look like the 'hysterical woman' who is over reacting and accusing some slightly eccentric but innocent bloke.

I agree - this is why the police should have at least spoken to the male on the first contact you made with them. He should have been told that standing at your address is causing you harassment. He then can't use the above excuse if he continues with his behaviour. The wording of the offence is '....know or ought to know is causing harassment.."

As a serving officer - i agree with the other comments. It should have been dealt with robustly at your first contact and could have been 'nipped in the bud' at an early stage.

I’d get cctv, signs saying cctv and a ring doorbell for a start. It sounds awful Op.

This is stalking. It’s a crime. The police are idiots. Do contact Paladin, they’ll be able to advise.

Thank you, thank you so much. That's all I want - for him to be spoken to and told to just stop. I know roughly where he lives to within 2-3 houses all they needed to do was identify which house he lives in, knock the door and say there's been a complaint, stop standing outside this house. I really didn't think this was too much to ask.

Instead I feel completely gaslit and like I've somehow done something wrong.

.....we're not all idiots - but i do agree it has been wrongly dealt with.

I'd have dealt with it completely differently - as the officers i know would have done to be honest.

People do need to complain more when incidents like this happen. Its the only way to effect change. Most people who receive a bad service just never seem to complain and a bad police force/police unit just carries on as if they are doing everything right.

Thank you, thank you so much. That's all I want - for him to be spoken to and told to just stop. I know roughly where he lives to within 2-3 houses all they needed to do was identify which house he lives in, knock the door and say there's been a complaint, stop standing outside this house. I really didn't think this was too much to ask.

Exactly - A quick 5 minute job which would hopefully stop it and give you your life back.

It also tells him that the police are 'on to him' and we are taking it seriously.

Do take it further - another officer will deal with it differently

If he has made you feel intimidated on at least two occasions, the police can issue him with a notice not to contact you.

I'd get a camera.

OP can get a camera that would record on her property boundary (is still advise this) however not CCTV that would record the street and this is against the law.

Nothing to add to the excellent advice you've already received, so sending solidarity and just wanted to comment on the 4% who apparently think you are being unreasonable - WTF? Seriously?? How the hell would you like it? 😡