Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not want to be concierge service for new neighbours

236 replies

Frazzled2207 · 21/04/2022 10:14

We have recently moved. There are five houses in the cul de sac. Three in a row - ours is the last one - then two much posher ones behind a somewhat scary looking gate which has not been there that long (5 years perhaps but houses are very old)

Said gate is electric and there are separate doorbells/intercoms for the two houses on the entrance to the gate.

Very soon after moving in - having had brief but very friendly interactions with the neighbours - it became clear that the intercom/doorbell for the gate was not working properly. There is a barrage of deliveries from DPD, Hermes, Royal Mail etc. Delivery men asked if we would take them, we agreed assuming that the doorbell was not temporarily working properly. Bear in mind that in virtually all cases I believe they were in, but no way to let them know other than shouting or jumping over a high wall (not realistic as there is a spikey hedge on the other side).

Next time I saw them I shouted over the wall and mentioned that I had parcels, they came to collect and I made a joke about the bell not working. I expected a 'yeah sorry we're on with that' but actually got words to the effect of 'no it hasn't worked for years and we don't intend to get it fixed'. I was so gobsmacked I didn't know what to say.

So basically there is no way of accessing their property when gate is shut which it is almost all the time unless you actually call from your mobile to say you're at the gate in which case they will open it for you. I see visitors pulling up and calling and then being let in. Clearly delivery men don't do this. So they mostly knock on ours instead.

Had an interesting discussion with a royal mail man today who was trying to deliver a signed for package. They have apparently arranged redelivery three times and each time despite them blatantly being in he has failed to be able to deliver. After three times it returns to sender so he said he would be doing that. Am just baffled you would order a package online knowing that there would be no way to get it delivered unless your friendly neighbour took it in.

to be clear I have absolutely no issue whatsoever with occasionally taking in parcels. Used to do it quite often in old house but neighbours used to do the same. It was an occasional not regular thing. Here it's a daily occurence and they will never be able to return the favour for us.

I suspect previous neigbours may have just been happy to take them. That's all fine but it doesn't necessarily follow that we will does it. Although there are two houses beyond the gate all the packages have been addressed to one, it would appear that the other doesn't order parcels. That's fine but I still find it odd that it just isn't possible to access either house.

AIBU to not want to take in all the parcels? And if IANBU how do I approach this with them, bearing in mind we really want to foster friendly relations with all neighbours, not least as some work will be done later this year which could be noisy/disruptive. DH suggests the passive aggressive approach of just refusing to take any more. I'd prefer to be a bit nicer about it but not sure how.

OP posts:
Flyonthewall01 · 21/04/2022 10:20

I just would refuse to take in the parcels. You don’t need to speak to them just don’t accept them. Not your problem

hoorayandupsherises · 21/04/2022 10:21

I agree with your DH and just start refusing. If you try to bring it up in any way with them, it just sounds like you feel like have some kind of responsibility for taking in parcels/could be railroaded into continuing. It won't go well.

AllOfUsAreDead · 21/04/2022 10:22

Just stop taking them. This is a problem for them, not you. They won't get it fixed because they know you'll do it. Once they start not getting deliveries, they'll get it fixed.

ComDummings · 21/04/2022 10:23

I don’t think it’s passive aggressive to simply stop taking parcels for them. I agree with your DH.

Vsirbdo · 21/04/2022 10:23

I find that really odd; we get a lot of deliveries and we’re not always in but I tend to assume we then have to pick them up or rearrange delivery for when we are in rather than assume things can be delivered to neighbours.
I’m not really sure how you can approach it with your neighbours directly; I’d be tempted just not to take the deliveries in as your DH has said and then if challenged say it wasn’t convenient for you.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 21/04/2022 10:25

I'm with your DH. You have raised it with them. What action they take to rectify the situation is up to them.

DoYouWantDecking · 21/04/2022 10:25

You don't need to speak to the neighbours. Just refuse to accept any and all parcels addressed to them. Tell the delivery people there is no way to access the property and let the parcels get returned.
If you and other neighbours stop enabling their behaviour then they will have to change or stop ordering online.

SilverTotoro · 21/04/2022 10:26

Agree with your DH and other posters just stop taking them in. It’s not passive aggressive it’s just putting boundaries in place an occasional favour is fine being responsible for all their parcels definitely not.

AChocolateOrangeaday · 21/04/2022 10:27

Just refuse. The bell will soon be fixed if they want their stuff badly enough.

Chely · 21/04/2022 10:27

Agree with your dh. Just don't take them in, they are CF's.
They could easily get the parcels delivered to a delivery point if they are happy collecting them rather than fixing the bell.

Vsirbdo · 21/04/2022 10:28

One of my neighbours never comes to collect parcels and expects me to act as a delivery service despite how bulky or heavy it may be so I don’t take parcels for them any more and I’m not even sure they know as the delivery driver will just go to the next house

AnxiousSquirrel · 21/04/2022 10:28

I'd take them in and them throw them over the gate, but I'm petty and a bit of an asshole. If you don't want to take them in just don't.

Hillarious · 21/04/2022 10:29

You could ask for their mobile number, and as an interim solution, pass that on to the delivery driver/postie, and if they can't get hold of them, they'll have to take away the parcel.

Toponeniceone · 21/04/2022 10:30

You've raised the issue and they don't care. It's their problem. Stop taking the parcels in, they are rude.

BuanoKubiamVej · 21/04/2022 10:30

I agree just stop accepting any parcels for them. We found out by accident that a neighbour 5 doors away who is always out 6am-10pm had our house actually named as their "safe place in case we are out" registered with all their delivery companies and were getting daily parcels delivered and expecting to be able to ring on our bell late at night or early morning whenever convenient to them. We stopped accepting any parcels at all from that moment. CFs.

You are quite right, you are not a concierge service.

Frazzled2207 · 21/04/2022 10:31

BuanoKubiamVej · 21/04/2022 10:30

I agree just stop accepting any parcels for them. We found out by accident that a neighbour 5 doors away who is always out 6am-10pm had our house actually named as their "safe place in case we are out" registered with all their delivery companies and were getting daily parcels delivered and expecting to be able to ring on our bell late at night or early morning whenever convenient to them. We stopped accepting any parcels at all from that moment. CFs.

You are quite right, you are not a concierge service.

wow! After you stopped accepting parcels did they stop coming?

OP posts:
ChimChimeny · 21/04/2022 10:32

It really is as simple as don't take them in any more.

Mumsnut · 21/04/2022 10:32

Are you able to see who is at the door and ignore delivery men? Then you can just say , if asked, 'Oh yes, someone knocked, but I was on a call / a zoom meeting and couldn't answer'

NotSorry · 21/04/2022 10:33

Stop taking them and sympathise with delivery driver when he gets fed up with a "I know, what can we do?" attitude - I stopped taking parcels for a few houses down when it was sitting on my side for days and in the end we went round there with it. Not even an apology for not collecting. I will take parcels for others neighbours though as they come to collect.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 21/04/2022 10:35

Put a note on your door saying you are unable to accept parcels for neighbours.

They are being rude. But won't change until it inconveniences them

LightandFruity · 21/04/2022 10:35

I agree. Just don’t take parcels in. It’s their problem not yours.

godmum56 · 21/04/2022 10:36

If they aren't doing a favour for you that you really need, I'd speak to the neighbours..possibly the next time they collect and say that you are sorry (not) but you won't be continuing to take in their parcels and in future will be refusing to accept them. Then start refusing. If they want to discuss it repeat what you said "sorry but....." You can just start refusing and say nothing but if you want to at least try to keep a civil relationship, its worth telling them.

KangarooKenny · 21/04/2022 10:36

I do not take parcels in for my neighbours.
And I always let delivery drivers know where to leave mine if I’m not in.

Akire · 21/04/2022 10:36

There is no point you taking parcels if equally you can’t deliver them either. Unless there are at risk of being murdered by a mob why can’t the gates be left open permanently or at least during the day? Are you supposed keep them until you have enough to make a staircase over the top?

godmum56 · 21/04/2022 10:36

BuanoKubiamVej · 21/04/2022 10:30

I agree just stop accepting any parcels for them. We found out by accident that a neighbour 5 doors away who is always out 6am-10pm had our house actually named as their "safe place in case we are out" registered with all their delivery companies and were getting daily parcels delivered and expecting to be able to ring on our bell late at night or early morning whenever convenient to them. We stopped accepting any parcels at all from that moment. CFs.

You are quite right, you are not a concierge service.

That really is a master's level of CF ing