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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not want to be concierge service for new neighbours

236 replies

Frazzled2207 · 21/04/2022 10:14

We have recently moved. There are five houses in the cul de sac. Three in a row - ours is the last one - then two much posher ones behind a somewhat scary looking gate which has not been there that long (5 years perhaps but houses are very old)

Said gate is electric and there are separate doorbells/intercoms for the two houses on the entrance to the gate.

Very soon after moving in - having had brief but very friendly interactions with the neighbours - it became clear that the intercom/doorbell for the gate was not working properly. There is a barrage of deliveries from DPD, Hermes, Royal Mail etc. Delivery men asked if we would take them, we agreed assuming that the doorbell was not temporarily working properly. Bear in mind that in virtually all cases I believe they were in, but no way to let them know other than shouting or jumping over a high wall (not realistic as there is a spikey hedge on the other side).

Next time I saw them I shouted over the wall and mentioned that I had parcels, they came to collect and I made a joke about the bell not working. I expected a 'yeah sorry we're on with that' but actually got words to the effect of 'no it hasn't worked for years and we don't intend to get it fixed'. I was so gobsmacked I didn't know what to say.

So basically there is no way of accessing their property when gate is shut which it is almost all the time unless you actually call from your mobile to say you're at the gate in which case they will open it for you. I see visitors pulling up and calling and then being let in. Clearly delivery men don't do this. So they mostly knock on ours instead.

Had an interesting discussion with a royal mail man today who was trying to deliver a signed for package. They have apparently arranged redelivery three times and each time despite them blatantly being in he has failed to be able to deliver. After three times it returns to sender so he said he would be doing that. Am just baffled you would order a package online knowing that there would be no way to get it delivered unless your friendly neighbour took it in.

to be clear I have absolutely no issue whatsoever with occasionally taking in parcels. Used to do it quite often in old house but neighbours used to do the same. It was an occasional not regular thing. Here it's a daily occurence and they will never be able to return the favour for us.

I suspect previous neigbours may have just been happy to take them. That's all fine but it doesn't necessarily follow that we will does it. Although there are two houses beyond the gate all the packages have been addressed to one, it would appear that the other doesn't order parcels. That's fine but I still find it odd that it just isn't possible to access either house.

AIBU to not want to take in all the parcels? And if IANBU how do I approach this with them, bearing in mind we really want to foster friendly relations with all neighbours, not least as some work will be done later this year which could be noisy/disruptive. DH suggests the passive aggressive approach of just refusing to take any more. I'd prefer to be a bit nicer about it but not sure how.

OP posts:
hopiear · 23/04/2022 07:43

I'm sure you can get a parcel box for delivery to be made too. The neighbours have this as an option in addition to click and collect, leaving gates open, fixing their own gate

familyissues12345 · 23/04/2022 07:50

BuanoKubiamVej · 21/04/2022 10:30

I agree just stop accepting any parcels for them. We found out by accident that a neighbour 5 doors away who is always out 6am-10pm had our house actually named as their "safe place in case we are out" registered with all their delivery companies and were getting daily parcels delivered and expecting to be able to ring on our bell late at night or early morning whenever convenient to them. We stopped accepting any parcels at all from that moment. CFs.

You are quite right, you are not a concierge service.

We had the same. I was on maternity leave, neighbours worked long hours yet loved a bit of online shopping (even though never in to get it delivered)

Initially I didn't mind, then after a while we started getting parcels that had our address as the "safe place"! I wouldn't have minded so much if we'd been asked, but bloody cheeky to do that without checking first..

Magenta82 · 23/04/2022 08:18

I wouldn't talk to them, I would just stop accepting them.

They haven't bothered to show the least little bit of basic manners or politeness to you by asking if you mind so why should you go above and beyond by telling them you do.

Just stop accepting and let them deal with it.

ImAvingOops · 23/04/2022 08:42

I wouldn't bother trying to maintain civil relations - they clearly aren't worried about maintaining them with you.
In the future how would even ask them for a favour since they don't answer the bloody door?

Tinkerbell1980 · 23/04/2022 09:52

OP please update us on any parcel related developments, waaay too invested in this CF neighbour situation 😉

notjaneausten · 23/04/2022 09:54

I took parcels in for my neighbours, then realised the useless son was not bothering to get out of bed to answer the door.
His mother was quite put out that I refused them, and said she knew I was refusing, because the son had heard me!!!!
So he was behind the door listening, but wouldn’t answer it.

SpindleInTheWind · 23/04/2022 10:05

notjaneausten · 23/04/2022 09:54

I took parcels in for my neighbours, then realised the useless son was not bothering to get out of bed to answer the door.
His mother was quite put out that I refused them, and said she knew I was refusing, because the son had heard me!!!!
So he was behind the door listening, but wouldn’t answer it.

I’ve just had a similar one. Next door is a house share and they were up till dawn gaming.

This morning none of them could struggle out of bed to answer their door to the DPD delivery guy at 8.30pm.

So when said delivery guy started banging on my door and ringing my very loud bell, I ignored it too. Fuck them all and their noise.

Frazzled2207 · 23/04/2022 10:09

Small update
We actually have a parcel box outside our house and yesterday dpd put something there and about 2m later the adult son turned up to collect. Clearly he had had a text or phone call to say where it was, despite being in the whole time.

Dh today ordering a discrete “parcels for this house only please” sign for the parcel box. We’ve only had 2 deliveries this week Tbf but not taking any more.

OP posts:
Frazzled2207 · 23/04/2022 10:13

BruceAndNosh · 23/04/2022 07:38

I wouldn't say anything to the Gates people but id give a heads up to your other 2 neighbours outside the gate in case your refusal starts a game of Pass the Parcel. If you all decide to refuse parcels at the same time, that would be a good idea

Indeed. I think one of the houses on our side might be chummy with them so might agree to have them. Solves the issue for us I suppose but still can’t get over the fact that I have no way of contacting my ndn other than shouting or jumping over a massive wall.

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 23/04/2022 10:17

Is the parcel box yours or theirs?

IncompleteSenten · 23/04/2022 10:18

Oh sorry, I see it's yours. Does it have a lock? Did he have to ask you for it?

Frazzled2207 · 23/04/2022 10:19

Yes ours and is locked so dh had to go and find the key etc

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 23/04/2022 10:36

How do they get any sort of mail?! Is there no letterbox at all?

well done for doing the sign-I would have asked them how they got parcels when they told me the intercom didn’t work though!

Frazzled2207 · 23/04/2022 10:44

There is a letterbox at the gate so they can get smaller mail but not parcels

ive also now noticed that there is a PIN number facility on the gate. So presumably the chosen few get told that. But not the delivery drivers. Or us.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 23/04/2022 10:52

That would annoy me no end, I have to say!!

We take in parcels for our neighbours and they do for us, but they are lovely-we know each other well and we will just text if a parcel arrives.

In this situation you’re just being treated as their staff!!

Well done on the sign-hope it does the trick.

CarnageReincarnated · 23/04/2022 11:05

You could always say that you’ll only take parcels in for the other two houses, just not for the ones behind the gates if you felt uncomfortable not taking in any at all.

CarnageReincarnated · 23/04/2022 11:10

I meant to say, we take in for immediate neighbours and the house directly opposite.

We don’t accept parcels for next door-but-one anymore, as they denied ever having our parcels despite the card being pushed through our letterbox telling us where the parcel was. It took four days to get it off them at one point.

Frazzled2207 · 23/04/2022 12:11

Sign on its way. Saying we will accept parcels for our house only

OP posts:
eastegg · 23/04/2022 13:22

CurbsideProphet · 21/04/2022 11:37

Crikey imagine the level of ego and self importance you must have to stay locked behind your big gates and expect your neighbour to manage your post and deliveries. I would refuse all parcels from now on and not say a word about it. You're not their employee who needs to hand notice in.

This, completely

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 23/04/2022 13:28

Mumsnut · 21/04/2022 10:32

Are you able to see who is at the door and ignore delivery men? Then you can just say , if asked, 'Oh yes, someone knocked, but I was on a call / a zoom meeting and couldn't answer'

But then the OP won’t get her parcels!!

ThinWomansBrain · 23/04/2022 13:29

as long as you keep taking in parcels in for them, there is no incentive for them to fix the bell. just refuse to accept the parcels.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 23/04/2022 13:29

Scrub my post above - I’ve now RTFT

ImAvingOops · 23/04/2022 13:35

You should refuse to give him stuff that's been delivered to your post box. That's beyond cheeky. I'd rather send it back deny all knowledge and keep their parcel than let the cheeky fucker have access. Your husband should have told him that now is not a convenient time and that you might lob it over the gate later if you can be arsed!

DomingoinLittleOakley · 23/04/2022 14:11

I've stopped taking in parcels for anyone now - the people over the road never came to collect although I saw the postie put a card through their door. In the end I took it over there, and she literally just took it off me and shut the door in my face without a word!

NDN 1 is a bitch and I wouldn't do anything to help her ever.
NDN 2 doesn't collect for ages either - recently he ordered a couple of really heavy/bulky things which sat in my tiny living room for 2 weeks. In the end, I stuck a note through his door asking him to come and collect them, and he reciprocated a few days later with another note asking me to deliver them as he keeps "missing me" (I WFH and he absolutely didn't knock when I was in)! I was so fed up with them sitting there that I struggled round one night with them, and despite the fact the TV was on still didn't answer the door. So I left them on his doorstep. Cheeky fucker.

ilaandm · 23/04/2022 15:43

Why did the DPD driver think it was ok to leave the parcel in your parcel box? Have the cheeky fuckers ordered something and said that's the safe space?
Because the delivery person should not have left it there - it's one thing ringing your bell and asking you to take in a neighbour's parcel and another just leaving it in random neighbour's parcel box.
That needs nipping in the bud too and to be honest I'd be trying to catch the DPD driver at some point to say that they should not leave parcels for any neighbours in your parcel box. (In addition to you putting the sign up, just to make sure the message is clear).