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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not want to be concierge service for new neighbours

236 replies

Frazzled2207 · 21/04/2022 10:14

We have recently moved. There are five houses in the cul de sac. Three in a row - ours is the last one - then two much posher ones behind a somewhat scary looking gate which has not been there that long (5 years perhaps but houses are very old)

Said gate is electric and there are separate doorbells/intercoms for the two houses on the entrance to the gate.

Very soon after moving in - having had brief but very friendly interactions with the neighbours - it became clear that the intercom/doorbell for the gate was not working properly. There is a barrage of deliveries from DPD, Hermes, Royal Mail etc. Delivery men asked if we would take them, we agreed assuming that the doorbell was not temporarily working properly. Bear in mind that in virtually all cases I believe they were in, but no way to let them know other than shouting or jumping over a high wall (not realistic as there is a spikey hedge on the other side).

Next time I saw them I shouted over the wall and mentioned that I had parcels, they came to collect and I made a joke about the bell not working. I expected a 'yeah sorry we're on with that' but actually got words to the effect of 'no it hasn't worked for years and we don't intend to get it fixed'. I was so gobsmacked I didn't know what to say.

So basically there is no way of accessing their property when gate is shut which it is almost all the time unless you actually call from your mobile to say you're at the gate in which case they will open it for you. I see visitors pulling up and calling and then being let in. Clearly delivery men don't do this. So they mostly knock on ours instead.

Had an interesting discussion with a royal mail man today who was trying to deliver a signed for package. They have apparently arranged redelivery three times and each time despite them blatantly being in he has failed to be able to deliver. After three times it returns to sender so he said he would be doing that. Am just baffled you would order a package online knowing that there would be no way to get it delivered unless your friendly neighbour took it in.

to be clear I have absolutely no issue whatsoever with occasionally taking in parcels. Used to do it quite often in old house but neighbours used to do the same. It was an occasional not regular thing. Here it's a daily occurence and they will never be able to return the favour for us.

I suspect previous neigbours may have just been happy to take them. That's all fine but it doesn't necessarily follow that we will does it. Although there are two houses beyond the gate all the packages have been addressed to one, it would appear that the other doesn't order parcels. That's fine but I still find it odd that it just isn't possible to access either house.

AIBU to not want to take in all the parcels? And if IANBU how do I approach this with them, bearing in mind we really want to foster friendly relations with all neighbours, not least as some work will be done later this year which could be noisy/disruptive. DH suggests the passive aggressive approach of just refusing to take any more. I'd prefer to be a bit nicer about it but not sure how.

OP posts:
EL8888 · 21/04/2022 10:38

I wouldn’t accept any more parcels. They sound entitled and annoying to me

FridayBluezzzz · 21/04/2022 10:41

I don’t take parcels for a particular neighbour (whom we were on previous good terms with but not now). Took a while but all the regular delivery people/postmen don’t ask now.
Very occasionally they try as they can’t get someone else but you have to be firm with it. She used to be obsessed with ordering online, not so much now I’ve noticed.

OnoNotagain · 21/04/2022 10:44

Suggest they get one of those drop box type things (we have them at a local supermarket) and get their stuff delivered to that instead of to you. Do you have their phone number? Get it and tell them you'll inform them when there's something to collect. When they call, give them the details of the drop off service.

StrangeCondition · 21/04/2022 10:45

Sign on the door to read parcels for your house only, there's no need to speak to them directly if you don't want to

Heliotropium · 21/04/2022 10:45

I'd refuse. They are cfs

TableDesk · 21/04/2022 10:46

Just say No.

Absolute non event

NewandNotImproved · 21/04/2022 10:46

This is not your problem, and you don’t need to explain or offer up any reasons as to why you won’t be providing this service. If they have the audacity to question you, just act confused, like why on earth would you have their parcels?

MistyGreenAndBlue · 21/04/2022 10:49

Why can't they leave the gates open in the daytime?
I realise no one can answer this on here but to me it just seems obvious.

I wouldn't be accepting any more parcels for them. Cheeky buggers!

Frazzled2207 · 21/04/2022 10:49

Akire · 21/04/2022 10:36

There is no point you taking parcels if equally you can’t deliver them either. Unless there are at risk of being murdered by a mob why can’t the gates be left open permanently or at least during the day? Are you supposed keep them until you have enough to make a staircase over the top?

def quite odd. I think they plan to knock on every now or then or for us to shout over the wall when we see them (not very often).

OP posts:
Electriq · 21/04/2022 10:49

Dont approach the neighbour, just refuse the deliveries, if they ever after just say they never knocked, this is their problem not yours.

Frazzled2207 · 21/04/2022 10:52

Mumsnut · 21/04/2022 10:32

Are you able to see who is at the door and ignore delivery men? Then you can just say , if asked, 'Oh yes, someone knocked, but I was on a call / a zoom meeting and couldn't answer'

yes this is a possibility as husband WFH and can see who is outside from his window. That said he orders a lot of stuff himself so will not want to ignore them unless he is fairly sure he is not expecting anything (which is rare).

OP posts:
Frazzled2207 · 21/04/2022 10:53

MistyGreenAndBlue · 21/04/2022 10:49

Why can't they leave the gates open in the daytime?
I realise no one can answer this on here but to me it just seems obvious.

I wouldn't be accepting any more parcels for them. Cheeky buggers!

Get the impression that both families (who I think are close) like being shut off from the rest of the world.

OP posts:
jytdtysrht · 21/04/2022 10:53

Refuse the packages but explain to the delivery person politely and apologise. Lots of people refuse parcels just because they wouldn’t do a favour for anyone but you are legitimately refusing for CF neighbours. They should have a mobile number taped to their broken intercom instead of relying on you to do it all.

WeWillLookBack · 21/04/2022 10:55

You need to start saying NO.

A few years ago a delivery of 3 massive boxes for our neighbour. My lovely husband felt sorry for the delivery driver, so agreed to take them, but watched to make sure he put a card through the neighbours door. The neighbour did not come over the that day, nor the next. We could hardly move in our hallway. So I popped round to let them know. The wife left me know they were renovating their bathroom and utility room - but workmen due in 2 weeks, so didn't really want them in the way as the were big items, so hadn't bothered to collect them. I agreed that they were indeed big - and if they didn't move them now, I would put them in the front garden, so she could decide what to do with them. She was actually annoyed at me.

My husband works from home - so the local delivery drivers has started using us as the 'drop off'. He stopped accepting parcels after that. About 6mths later, the neighbour let me know it was really inconvenient that my husband didn't work from home anymore, as she as having issues with deliveries etc. He still works from home.

Gizacluethen · 21/04/2022 10:55

I wouldn't say anything. Just stop taking them in.

All they need to do is put a delivery instruction saying "ring 0777777777 to be let in." It's an option on every single delivery place, and if its not. You put it in the name/address section. They're just being incredibly lazy.

Vidax · 21/04/2022 10:56

Frazzled2207 · 21/04/2022 10:52

yes this is a possibility as husband WFH and can see who is outside from his window. That said he orders a lot of stuff himself so will not want to ignore them unless he is fairly sure he is not expecting anything (which is rare).

open the door, "oh its not for me, sorry we dont take parcels in for that neighbour, suggest you return to base"

avamiah · 21/04/2022 10:58

I often take in parcels for my next door neighbour as it’s no big deal but I don’t go knocking on their door to deliver them as they pop over when they come home to collect them.

Its up to you what you do but I’m sure they will be over to collect them once they know your not delivering them.

OctopusSay · 21/04/2022 10:59

I'm usually all for doing and easy favour for people, but this sounds awful, especially if it's then not easy to get rid of the parcels.

muddyford · 21/04/2022 11:16

We've had the scenario of three huge boxes in the hall and a neighbour who can't be arsed to collect them for days. After that we just said no to the deliveries to this neighbour and told the delivery blokes why.

Chishnfips · 21/04/2022 11:19

I'd put up a sign on my own door 'Will not accept deliveries for house No X'

ChimChimeny · 21/04/2022 11:25

OnoNotagain · 21/04/2022 10:44

Suggest they get one of those drop box type things (we have them at a local supermarket) and get their stuff delivered to that instead of to you. Do you have their phone number? Get it and tell them you'll inform them when there's something to collect. When they call, give them the details of the drop off service.

Why would you do that 😱none of this is OP's problem, so no need to get involved at all!

As PP has said, this is pure laziness on their behalf and until they are inconvenienced they won't do anything about it. Once they start missing deliveries or traipsing elsewhere to collect them they might do something about it

greenlynx · 21/04/2022 11:26

Just refuse to take parcels politely, there is no need for explanation or anything. Just say exactly this that you don’t know them so much and have no idea if they are in or out and when they are in or out. it won’t be passive aggressive as it’s the plain truth.
They might have their reasons for not repairing the gates or not answering the bell or whatever but it’s nothing to do with you,

WalrusSubmarine · 21/04/2022 11:32

Can’t they just leave the gate open?

I think you need a sign saying you can’t take any more. I wouldn’t want to be responsible if something went missing

timeisnotaline · 21/04/2022 11:35

I would feel under no obligation whatsoever to speak to the neighbours after they said that. I’d try saying we don’t take deliveries for numbers 3 & 5/ other houses, and if that got tedious put a sign up saying deliveries accepted for <your house only> please to stop them knocking.

CurbsideProphet · 21/04/2022 11:37

Crikey imagine the level of ego and self importance you must have to stay locked behind your big gates and expect your neighbour to manage your post and deliveries. I would refuse all parcels from now on and not say a word about it. You're not their employee who needs to hand notice in.