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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not want to be concierge service for new neighbours

236 replies

Frazzled2207 · 21/04/2022 10:14

We have recently moved. There are five houses in the cul de sac. Three in a row - ours is the last one - then two much posher ones behind a somewhat scary looking gate which has not been there that long (5 years perhaps but houses are very old)

Said gate is electric and there are separate doorbells/intercoms for the two houses on the entrance to the gate.

Very soon after moving in - having had brief but very friendly interactions with the neighbours - it became clear that the intercom/doorbell for the gate was not working properly. There is a barrage of deliveries from DPD, Hermes, Royal Mail etc. Delivery men asked if we would take them, we agreed assuming that the doorbell was not temporarily working properly. Bear in mind that in virtually all cases I believe they were in, but no way to let them know other than shouting or jumping over a high wall (not realistic as there is a spikey hedge on the other side).

Next time I saw them I shouted over the wall and mentioned that I had parcels, they came to collect and I made a joke about the bell not working. I expected a 'yeah sorry we're on with that' but actually got words to the effect of 'no it hasn't worked for years and we don't intend to get it fixed'. I was so gobsmacked I didn't know what to say.

So basically there is no way of accessing their property when gate is shut which it is almost all the time unless you actually call from your mobile to say you're at the gate in which case they will open it for you. I see visitors pulling up and calling and then being let in. Clearly delivery men don't do this. So they mostly knock on ours instead.

Had an interesting discussion with a royal mail man today who was trying to deliver a signed for package. They have apparently arranged redelivery three times and each time despite them blatantly being in he has failed to be able to deliver. After three times it returns to sender so he said he would be doing that. Am just baffled you would order a package online knowing that there would be no way to get it delivered unless your friendly neighbour took it in.

to be clear I have absolutely no issue whatsoever with occasionally taking in parcels. Used to do it quite often in old house but neighbours used to do the same. It was an occasional not regular thing. Here it's a daily occurence and they will never be able to return the favour for us.

I suspect previous neigbours may have just been happy to take them. That's all fine but it doesn't necessarily follow that we will does it. Although there are two houses beyond the gate all the packages have been addressed to one, it would appear that the other doesn't order parcels. That's fine but I still find it odd that it just isn't possible to access either house.

AIBU to not want to take in all the parcels? And if IANBU how do I approach this with them, bearing in mind we really want to foster friendly relations with all neighbours, not least as some work will be done later this year which could be noisy/disruptive. DH suggests the passive aggressive approach of just refusing to take any more. I'd prefer to be a bit nicer about it but not sure how.

OP posts:
BruceAndNosh · 23/04/2022 16:07

Beyond cheeky!
Personal Parcel boxes are not enormous - so if DPD stick a couple parcels in there for CFNDN, there might be no room your YOUR amazon parcel when it arrives half an hour later

SpindleInTheWind · 23/04/2022 16:12

My CF neighbours are often clearly in and don't open their door for their own deliveries, despite the delivery guy pounding on their door. They also don't have a bell or a door knocker, so poor deliver guy is left hitting a door with his fist.

So I'm fucked if I'm opening my door either.

I just can't understand the thought process. Are the occupants all waiting for one of the others to open the door? So dad is waiting for son to go, son is waiting for mum, mum is waiting for dad, etc?

My own adult DS says the DPD guy did tell him that the CF neighbours had put our address down as their 'alternative safe place' and when he (my DS) told the driver that this was news to us and we didn't want to take their packages when they were quite blatantly sitting watching TV, 'the delivery driver looked like I'd shot his mother in the face'.

It's all go round here.

ilaandm · 23/04/2022 16:57

There are so many of these threads and I really can't get my head round how people can order so much crap stuff on the internet and then don't seem to be the least bit bothered about how/when/where/if it turns up.
I know when I order stuff I regularly check to see where it is and the expected date of delivery and make sure I answer the damn door when the delivery driver knocks or go onto the website and request a different delivery day if I'm not in. The postie leaves stuff in my safe space but there's not that option with other couriers - so I make sure to keep an eye on when the thing is expected.

I just cannot understand people ordering something, knowing it's due and then just sitting watching the TV while the delivery driver knocks and then ends up having to go next door to leave it with neighbours. It's beyond ludicrous.
Or people like the gate house people who know full well that no delivery drivers can access their property but don't seem to give a shit about the items they have purchased and where they might end up. They are relying on the neighbours of course but wouldn't you be concerned about a parcel going astray, getting damaged, being nicked by the neighbours?

Murdoch1949 · 23/04/2022 19:51

I don't accept parcels for any neighbours, because of the inconvenience to me. I also do not allow my own parcels to be taken in by neighbours (I've actually got an eBay printed sign on my front door to this effect!) as it can be difficult to catch neighbours in, carry parcels back, and I frigging hate being beholden to anyone. The couriers will soon learn that you refuse deliveries and stop asking, I'm never asked now. Your neighbours are entitled users, and your their enabler! Good luck.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 23/04/2022 23:20

Indeed. I think one of the houses on our side might be chummy with them so might agree to have them.

Chummy or just doormat-y, though?

Rosscameasdoody · 24/04/2022 14:10

It’s not your problem, it’s theirs. By taking in the parcels you’re enabling their selfish behaviour. By telling you they had no intention of fixing the doorbell, they were making it clear that they expect you to take in the parcels and at that point you should have made it equally clear that you have no intention of doing so. Stop taking them in and I’m sure that when they get fed up having to make their own arrangements to collect packages or picking up broken parcels thrown over the gate by frustrated delivery agents, they’ll soon get the bell fixed. However nice and friendly you want things with your neighbours, not taking a stand against CF behaviour from the start will cause problems further down the road so I’d nip it in the bud now.

mangipops · 25/04/2022 08:38

This link explains this: www.mirror.co.uk/money/signing-neighbours-parcel-could-land-10776645
Having moved into a property previous where parcels were being delivered [and intercepted] where mobile phones were being ordered illegally, I do not like to take parcels in for neighbours unless I know them really well and even then reluctantly - I will never sign for them as you may be held responsible for anything going wrong and in the case of one neighbour who was ordering from her second home to address next door, she did not collect large parcel for several weeks which meant nowhere to put this except where it was constantly in the way and at risk of being broken.

OatmilkandCookies · 25/04/2022 12:37

If you don't want to accept them, just don't.
At the minute I live in the middle of nowhere and my neighbour takes in mine if I'm out, but I always do the same for them too, and my DH also goes in to do odd jobs for her as she's elderly and widowed.
Being a nice neighbour is good, but its also good to have it returned!

whynotwhatknot · 25/04/2022 22:50

Ive got a parcel coming tomorrow that i'll likely miss always feel bad if they leave ti with a neighbour i dont know how yours could be so cheeky

PyongyangKipperbang · 25/04/2022 23:00

I would make a point, when they inevitably make a comment about their parcels not being left with you, that you are often in and out so you use the Amazon Locker system or the Collect+ system that goes to local shops for your own stuff, they should try it, its so convenient etc

CrowAndArrow · 25/04/2022 23:06

In this case I'd put out a plastic box/container round the side of my house. I'd tell neighbour that I will be putting up a note to anyone delivering to x address to put stuff in the said box. I'd be telling neighbour that I was doing this and that I wouldn't be telling them when something arrive and nor would I be held accountable for any missing parcels

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