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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not want to be concierge service for new neighbours

236 replies

Frazzled2207 · 21/04/2022 10:14

We have recently moved. There are five houses in the cul de sac. Three in a row - ours is the last one - then two much posher ones behind a somewhat scary looking gate which has not been there that long (5 years perhaps but houses are very old)

Said gate is electric and there are separate doorbells/intercoms for the two houses on the entrance to the gate.

Very soon after moving in - having had brief but very friendly interactions with the neighbours - it became clear that the intercom/doorbell for the gate was not working properly. There is a barrage of deliveries from DPD, Hermes, Royal Mail etc. Delivery men asked if we would take them, we agreed assuming that the doorbell was not temporarily working properly. Bear in mind that in virtually all cases I believe they were in, but no way to let them know other than shouting or jumping over a high wall (not realistic as there is a spikey hedge on the other side).

Next time I saw them I shouted over the wall and mentioned that I had parcels, they came to collect and I made a joke about the bell not working. I expected a 'yeah sorry we're on with that' but actually got words to the effect of 'no it hasn't worked for years and we don't intend to get it fixed'. I was so gobsmacked I didn't know what to say.

So basically there is no way of accessing their property when gate is shut which it is almost all the time unless you actually call from your mobile to say you're at the gate in which case they will open it for you. I see visitors pulling up and calling and then being let in. Clearly delivery men don't do this. So they mostly knock on ours instead.

Had an interesting discussion with a royal mail man today who was trying to deliver a signed for package. They have apparently arranged redelivery three times and each time despite them blatantly being in he has failed to be able to deliver. After three times it returns to sender so he said he would be doing that. Am just baffled you would order a package online knowing that there would be no way to get it delivered unless your friendly neighbour took it in.

to be clear I have absolutely no issue whatsoever with occasionally taking in parcels. Used to do it quite often in old house but neighbours used to do the same. It was an occasional not regular thing. Here it's a daily occurence and they will never be able to return the favour for us.

I suspect previous neigbours may have just been happy to take them. That's all fine but it doesn't necessarily follow that we will does it. Although there are two houses beyond the gate all the packages have been addressed to one, it would appear that the other doesn't order parcels. That's fine but I still find it odd that it just isn't possible to access either house.

AIBU to not want to take in all the parcels? And if IANBU how do I approach this with them, bearing in mind we really want to foster friendly relations with all neighbours, not least as some work will be done later this year which could be noisy/disruptive. DH suggests the passive aggressive approach of just refusing to take any more. I'd prefer to be a bit nicer about it but not sure how.

OP posts:
Frazzled2207 · 21/04/2022 13:47

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 21/04/2022 13:39

Are they preppers or just narcissists? Do they deem it necessary for them to be accorded the due essential protection that they rightly deserve, but you are just disposable collateral?

I very much doubt that they are either. Most likely scenario is that the people who were previously here took parcels in for them no problem at all and it's not occured to them yet that they need to think of an alternative plan.

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 21/04/2022 13:54

If the gate is locked and no one can get in to those properties, I'd start saying to the delivery people "Oh, so-and-so said that you should just drop it over the gate, it's quite secure there"

I guarantee that a few 'precious' parcels later that somehow got a bit bashed up after they fall to the ground, they'd have the bell fixed!

Alternatively - just let the delivery guy know "Oh, we're only taking in the parcels/packages for our address now. We couldn't get hold of the people in number 6 there for a long time so we're no longer accepting their packages/parcels now". Worst case scenario, the items out for delivery have to go back to the sorting office and the home owners have to go there to get their packages instead.

It's not your job to fix for them.

theemmadilemma · 21/04/2022 13:54

BuanoKubiamVej · 21/04/2022 10:30

I agree just stop accepting any parcels for them. We found out by accident that a neighbour 5 doors away who is always out 6am-10pm had our house actually named as their "safe place in case we are out" registered with all their delivery companies and were getting daily parcels delivered and expecting to be able to ring on our bell late at night or early morning whenever convenient to them. We stopped accepting any parcels at all from that moment. CFs.

You are quite right, you are not a concierge service.

We had the same. I wasn't aware of the permanent sign on the door stating to deliver to us. Then he asked if I would mind taking in a parcel he was having collected as he would be out. So I agreed. At which point he bought over 5 huge boxes, and I pointed out that I couldn't fit them in the porch and if I took them in the house our new puppy would no doubt chew on them. So he had to take them home again. Our house got taken off the door note after that. 😂

DinosaursEatMan · 21/04/2022 13:59

New tenants moved in next door to us and we suddenly started to get parcels being dropped off nearly every day. They were clearly in but not answering the door, and would come over in the evenings to pick them up. It wasn’t until I got fed up with this after a couple of weeks and went around to deliver one in person that I discovered a note on their door saying all parcels to be dropped off at our house! I ripped off the note in a fit of rage and posted it through the letterbox, then refused all deliveries for them. It stopped very rapidly, then they moved out within the year so are probably doing this somewhere else!

DinosaursEatMan · 21/04/2022 14:01

@theemmadilemma I think you have our old neighbours!

JemimaTiggywinkle · 21/04/2022 14:06

I don’t think you should explain to them that you won’t take parcels. Even though YADNBU, it could sound a bit petty (even though it isn’t!) and have the potential for bad feeling.

If you just stop taking them they will assume that the delivery companies aren’t allowed to deliver them to you/you were out. Or they might guess you’ve stopped taking them, but they’re unlikely to have the brass neck to ask outright why you won’t take their parcels any more.

TerribleCustomerCervix · 21/04/2022 14:15

DinosaursEatMan · 21/04/2022 13:59

New tenants moved in next door to us and we suddenly started to get parcels being dropped off nearly every day. They were clearly in but not answering the door, and would come over in the evenings to pick them up. It wasn’t until I got fed up with this after a couple of weeks and went around to deliver one in person that I discovered a note on their door saying all parcels to be dropped off at our house! I ripped off the note in a fit of rage and posted it through the letterbox, then refused all deliveries for them. It stopped very rapidly, then they moved out within the year so are probably doing this somewhere else!

See this is what I don’t understand- when I order something online it’s because it’s something I either need or want. I look forward to it arriving, and am glad when it’s delivered so I can start using it.

Why would you buy something and then just not want the hassle of it being delivered?!

DameHelena · 21/04/2022 14:20

I'd stop taking them in, and if challenged, say 'We/I work at home and we're not available to answer the door every time. Be a good idea to get the bell fixed.' In a friendly tone, but firm.
I think their response will tell you what you need to know vis a vis whether they're worth fostering friendly relations with.

Herejustforthisone · 21/04/2022 14:24

Do you think they see you as the lowly ungated vassals to the big houses?

DoYouWantDecking · 21/04/2022 14:25

WeWillLookBack · 21/04/2022 10:55

You need to start saying NO.

A few years ago a delivery of 3 massive boxes for our neighbour. My lovely husband felt sorry for the delivery driver, so agreed to take them, but watched to make sure he put a card through the neighbours door. The neighbour did not come over the that day, nor the next. We could hardly move in our hallway. So I popped round to let them know. The wife left me know they were renovating their bathroom and utility room - but workmen due in 2 weeks, so didn't really want them in the way as the were big items, so hadn't bothered to collect them. I agreed that they were indeed big - and if they didn't move them now, I would put them in the front garden, so she could decide what to do with them. She was actually annoyed at me.

My husband works from home - so the local delivery drivers has started using us as the 'drop off'. He stopped accepting parcels after that. About 6mths later, the neighbour let me know it was really inconvenient that my husband didn't work from home anymore, as she as having issues with deliveries etc. He still works from home.

Bloody Hell! The cheeky fuckery!

squiller · 21/04/2022 14:46

Stop taking them in. Perhaps if enough parcels are returned to sender they’ll realise something needs doing about the bloody bell.

Rosehugger · 21/04/2022 14:57

Oh god, absolutely not. I'd get all the neighbours in the three houses to sign a note to say that we are not a fucking concierge service and would they kindly get their bell fixed if they would like to actually receive any deliveries. And stick my hand through the gate and sellotape it to the other side.

Then get everyone to put a sign up to say they do not accept deliveries for nos X or X.

Near where we live there is a long street of massive houses all named, no numbers. This is in the town, not a tiny village with three houses in a rural location. Must be an absolute nightmare for delivery drivers and post.

billy1966 · 21/04/2022 14:58

Don't say a word to them, why would you explain yourself to them?

Just refuse any more deliveries and tell the drivers that you don't want to be bothered again with any deliveries other than your own.

If they say anything tell them you are far too busy to be answering the door unnecessarily.

Complete CF's.

Anonymous48 · 21/04/2022 15:01

Of course you don't need to accept their deliveries, and you should put an end to that.

But I don't understand why (unless it's something that needs a signature), the delivery person doesn't just leave the parcel outside the gate?

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/04/2022 15:02

Gizacluethen · 21/04/2022 10:55

I wouldn't say anything. Just stop taking them in.

All they need to do is put a delivery instruction saying "ring 0777777777 to be let in." It's an option on every single delivery place, and if its not. You put it in the name/address section. They're just being incredibly lazy.

This. Do you have their mobile number

put by Broken door bell and say ring this number

stop taking in parcels

IncompleteSenten · 21/04/2022 15:02

I'd put a note on my door saying we do not take parcels for X house. Please do not ask.

Frazzled2207 · 21/04/2022 15:05

Anonymous48 · 21/04/2022 15:01

Of course you don't need to accept their deliveries, and you should put an end to that.

But I don't understand why (unless it's something that needs a signature), the delivery person doesn't just leave the parcel outside the gate?

Some have left deliveries on the wall next to the gate. But I think most of them need to deliver them to an actual person or in a 'designated safe place' which I don't think they have designated. Arguably on top of the wall is not particularly safe.

OP posts:
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 21/04/2022 15:08

I very much doubt that they are either. Most likely scenario is that the people who were previously here took parcels in for them no problem at all and it's not occured to them yet that they need to think of an alternative plan.

Yeah, I think you're probably right. It's amazing, though, just how many people seem to think that people's behaviour and tolerance goes with the house and won't vary at all between entirely separate people - even though the only single thing the two people/couple/families will have in common is that they happened to live in the same residence at one point.

I kind of wonder if some people are so entrenched in modern digital thinking that they somehow just can't relate to actual tangible items any more - and think that the items they order are stored in a cloud somewhere (whether the warehouse, delivery person's van, neighbour's house) until they're good and ready to download it?!

TwoBlueFish · 21/04/2022 15:10

Just stop taking them, they are complete CF’s. You could always put a sign on your door saying that you won’t accept deliveries for other houses. That way they shouldn’t even ring your bell.

Anonymous48 · 21/04/2022 15:12

@Frazzled2207

Some have left deliveries on the wall next to the gate. But I think most of them need to deliver them to an actual person or in a 'designated safe place' which I don't think they have designated. Arguably on top of the wall is not particularly safe.

How strange! I think the only thing I ever get delivered that the delivery people won't just leave outside my front door is wine, which requires a signature by someone old enough to drink.

Fulmine · 21/04/2022 15:13

In the interests of good relations and getting this resolved quicker, I do think it would make sense at least to tell your neighbours that you won't be accepting their deliveries any more so they need to get the gate fixed or make other arrangements.

knutknut · 21/04/2022 15:15

I would put a sign on my front door: 'we only accept deliveries for THIS address'.

Londongent · 21/04/2022 15:24

Could you buy a cheap doorbell, package it up and pretend it was one of their parcels and hand it over to them?

shmess · 21/04/2022 15:36

Just refuse to take in any parcels. It's as easy as that. The delivery people will soon catch on - not sure if where you live you have the same people on the same delivery rounds but you probably have the same postie so you only need to tell them once.
I had a similar issue a few years back - delivery drivers couldn't be arsed to find the actual front doors of the various neighbours in our block (all doors are external so no need even to be buzzed into a hallway) and they twigged on that I was WFH so they'd be turning up here every single day with deliveries for various neighbours. At first I took a few in but then wised up to what was going on.
One day a parcel arrived for my neighbours downstairs so I asked if he'd tried to deliver there and said "They aren't in". I said "I can hear them moving around so please go and knock again and I won't be taking in any parcels for anyone again".
After that I just told every delivery person to take the parcels away as I wouldn't be accepting any more.
Took a few weeks for them to get the message but since then, no more issues.

People take the piss when you try to be too nice and helpful. Yes we should help others, but not when they are taking the piss by failing to help themselves by not coming up with a fairly simple solution to the gate issue.
They could
a) get the fucking bell fixed
b) designate a safe space for the parcels
c) enter their mobile number when ordering so that the delivery driver can phone once at the gate
d) leave the gates open when expecting a parcel
e) keep an eye out themselves for the van arriving - we have DPD here and they have an online tracker so you can actually watch the van approaching so you have an even better idea of when they might arrive.

The neighbour and their gate and bell and parcels are not your problem.
You won't be taking any more parcels in. If they wish to receive the stuff they have ordered they will need to make suitable arrangements.

Want2beme · 21/04/2022 15:39

I couldn't be bothered about their packages and would stop taking them in. If they haven't made arrangements for them to be taken in by someone else, then why should you care. If they pass any comment, suggest that they open a PO Box.

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