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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not want to be concierge service for new neighbours

236 replies

Frazzled2207 · 21/04/2022 10:14

We have recently moved. There are five houses in the cul de sac. Three in a row - ours is the last one - then two much posher ones behind a somewhat scary looking gate which has not been there that long (5 years perhaps but houses are very old)

Said gate is electric and there are separate doorbells/intercoms for the two houses on the entrance to the gate.

Very soon after moving in - having had brief but very friendly interactions with the neighbours - it became clear that the intercom/doorbell for the gate was not working properly. There is a barrage of deliveries from DPD, Hermes, Royal Mail etc. Delivery men asked if we would take them, we agreed assuming that the doorbell was not temporarily working properly. Bear in mind that in virtually all cases I believe they were in, but no way to let them know other than shouting or jumping over a high wall (not realistic as there is a spikey hedge on the other side).

Next time I saw them I shouted over the wall and mentioned that I had parcels, they came to collect and I made a joke about the bell not working. I expected a 'yeah sorry we're on with that' but actually got words to the effect of 'no it hasn't worked for years and we don't intend to get it fixed'. I was so gobsmacked I didn't know what to say.

So basically there is no way of accessing their property when gate is shut which it is almost all the time unless you actually call from your mobile to say you're at the gate in which case they will open it for you. I see visitors pulling up and calling and then being let in. Clearly delivery men don't do this. So they mostly knock on ours instead.

Had an interesting discussion with a royal mail man today who was trying to deliver a signed for package. They have apparently arranged redelivery three times and each time despite them blatantly being in he has failed to be able to deliver. After three times it returns to sender so he said he would be doing that. Am just baffled you would order a package online knowing that there would be no way to get it delivered unless your friendly neighbour took it in.

to be clear I have absolutely no issue whatsoever with occasionally taking in parcels. Used to do it quite often in old house but neighbours used to do the same. It was an occasional not regular thing. Here it's a daily occurence and they will never be able to return the favour for us.

I suspect previous neigbours may have just been happy to take them. That's all fine but it doesn't necessarily follow that we will does it. Although there are two houses beyond the gate all the packages have been addressed to one, it would appear that the other doesn't order parcels. That's fine but I still find it odd that it just isn't possible to access either house.

AIBU to not want to take in all the parcels? And if IANBU how do I approach this with them, bearing in mind we really want to foster friendly relations with all neighbours, not least as some work will be done later this year which could be noisy/disruptive. DH suggests the passive aggressive approach of just refusing to take any more. I'd prefer to be a bit nicer about it but not sure how.

OP posts:
Clymene · 21/04/2022 17:05

Yep you just turn them away and they stop knocking. Round here, the delivery firms all use the same drivers so they know I don't take parcels for next door any more

Clymene · 21/04/2022 17:10

And I stopped not because I'm horrible but because they were getting stuff delivered daily and they're out all day every day. I am not a parcel depot.

JoodHood · 21/04/2022 17:13

We do not accept parcels for neighbours >>>

Printed stickers for parcel refusals

Roystonv · 21/04/2022 17:23

You said you wanted to keep them on your side so could you (next time it is possible) say that in future you will no longer be willing to accept deliveries for them as you do not feel happy being responsible for their items, mention not insured. Say " I am sure you understand, I would feel awful if something happened to them, had a difficult experience at our old home." Then start refusing and keep at it.

Snazzysausage · 21/04/2022 17:27

I had exactly the same scenario as a PP. When our current neighbour moved in there were lots of parcels arriving, some would be left with us and some left near his bins round the back. Eventually more and more would be left with us until one day my DH arrived home from work to me in strop,telling him I'd taken in more parcels than an Argos warehouse and I was going to stop being so soft. It came to a head the next day when I caught sight of one of the regular delivery drivers huffing and puffing down our drive with an enormous box containing a 55in TV. I told the man I wasn't being responsible for that or anymore parcels. He said he didn't blame me after the amount of times he'd left parcels with us. Then the killer... he asked if I was aware that our neighbour had put delivery instructions on his account saying to leave all parcels with us at no *,showed me his monitor and there it was in black and white. Neighbour had the gall to moan that he didn't know what he was going to do in future and stopped speaking to us!

melj1213 · 21/04/2022 17:31

I would just tell any delivery driver "Sorry, we won't be taking parcels for CFNeighbours any more as it is too much hassle trying to get them to collect".

If you feel inclined then you could tell your neighbour that you are not taking parcels any more but do it in a way where you are making a statement of fact "Hey CF neighbour, you need to get your bell fixed. We are not a delivery depot and will no longer be taking your parcels and will instruct any delivery driver to return the parcel to sender."

Frazzled2207 · 21/04/2022 17:41

thanks everyone lots of good advice here seems to be almost universal yanbu so will stop accepting them.
It is tricky though as we would like to foster good relationships with neighbours. You never know when you might need to ask a favour from a neighbour after all. But with the gate situation it is unlikely we could ever ask a favour from them. Hopefully it will be resolved soon.

OP posts:
Sceptre86 · 21/04/2022 17:54

Stop taking them in. Let all the delivery drivers know and stick to it. We had lots of deliveries when we first moved in and quite often our neighbour would take them in but as I got to know her I found out she did shifts (works for the NHS), I categorically state on deliveries to be left in our safe place if not in but absolutely not to leave with neighbour. It means sometimes deliveries get rearranged or I've had to collect from the post office but that's fair enough. They are CF and if you give an inch will take a mile. Give them a reason to get their gate fixed!

FabulouslyFab · 21/04/2022 17:56

I stopped taking parcels in for my neighbours when the HelloFresh boxes started arriving every Tuesday!!

Confusion101 · 21/04/2022 18:04

On any order I place to be delivered, I have to give a contact number. When delivery drivers didn't know me they always rang / text in advance to say they were on their way, and for me to outline where to leave it if I wasn't home. (they know me now so don't need to ring). Do you not have to leave your mobile numbers in the UK? Can the delivery drivers not just ring them?

I agree with all the PP who said just stop accepting them. Play dumb if the neighbours ask you anything about them "oh no sorry we never got a knock about it" and that way you can still maintain civil relationship with them!

shmess · 21/04/2022 18:22

Do you not have to leave your mobile numbers in the UK? Can the delivery drivers not just ring them?

Yes I wondered that. When I've ordered things on Amazon for relatives in the UK (I'm abroad) I've always had to give a phone number - probably should have been the relative's number really.
Only realized it was daft giving my number when a delivery driver rang me abroad saying he was outside my relative's house but no one was in and what should he do as the item had to be signed for by someone over 18 (was alcohol).

DameHelena · 21/04/2022 18:24

Confusion101 · 21/04/2022 18:04

On any order I place to be delivered, I have to give a contact number. When delivery drivers didn't know me they always rang / text in advance to say they were on their way, and for me to outline where to leave it if I wasn't home. (they know me now so don't need to ring). Do you not have to leave your mobile numbers in the UK? Can the delivery drivers not just ring them?

I agree with all the PP who said just stop accepting them. Play dumb if the neighbours ask you anything about them "oh no sorry we never got a knock about it" and that way you can still maintain civil relationship with them!

IME in the UK, only Waitrose (and maybe another supermarket, I'm not sure) delivery drivers phone to tell you they're near. They'll also call if they're running early and ask if it's OK to deliver a bit early.
Others, you get, if you're lucky, a window of up to about four hours for when to expect the parcel, and that's it.

HaggisBurger · 21/04/2022 18:40

Hillarious · 21/04/2022 10:29

You could ask for their mobile number, and as an interim solution, pass that on to the delivery driver/postie, and if they can't get hold of them, they'll have to take away the parcel.

Eh? You think the poor Hermes guy on less than minimum wage with 120 parcels to deliver has the time or inclination to take down a mobile number from a neighbour and then try and contact a recipient?!? 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

plus for @Frazzled2207 that’s more hassle than just taking the package and waiting for the CFs to knock on her door …

yes to a blanket policy on never, ever taking the packages.

JustLyra · 21/04/2022 18:47

People are ridiculously rude with stuff like that.

we don’t accept parcels for one specific neighbour because they just thought me being a SAHP made me their very own sorting office.

even once had someone come to collect a return and when I next saw her she said “oh yeah, I was going to come over with it but didn’t get a chance”. She then got shirty when I didn’t get DH or one of the kids to drop off a parcel for her that sat for four days because she knew it was heavy. That was the last parcel I took in for her.

She gets massively pissed off now because she knows I regularly take in parcels for two other neighbours. However they asked. One works nights and it’s a pain for him trying to get stuff delivered and the other has mobility probs and trying to arrange deliveries for the exact time their carer or adult kids visit is difficult. The first guy cuts our grass for us in trade for taking in parcels. The second I’m more than happy to help as his carers pop over to collect them.

being neighbourly is a two way thing - your neighbours clearly don’t realise that.

JustLyra · 21/04/2022 18:49

Frazzled2207 · 21/04/2022 17:41

thanks everyone lots of good advice here seems to be almost universal yanbu so will stop accepting them.
It is tricky though as we would like to foster good relationships with neighbours. You never know when you might need to ask a favour from a neighbour after all. But with the gate situation it is unlikely we could ever ask a favour from them. Hopefully it will be resolved soon.

People who are that rude are unlikely to help anyway

NrlySp · 21/04/2022 18:54

I would explain by note/in person that you are unable to take parcels for them eg away a lot/too busy/unwell/don’t want to. Then put a note on your front door explaining only parcels for you and you won’t take for others.
It sounds very annoying

2bazookas · 21/04/2022 18:59

Just put a note on your front door

TO ALL DELIVERY SERVICES

"We WILL NOT accept packages or deliveries for <That address>

Wykid · 21/04/2022 19:11

My old neighbours had deliveries every day. They both worked long days so were never home.

After the birth of my fourth baby, I got fed up with being awake through the night and trying to feed the baby during the day with the doorbell repeatedly going. When I went back to work, I was working night shifts and trying to sleep during the day when the baby slept. The deliveries got too much so I put a sign on the door saying I was working nights and had a young baby so I wouldn’t be taking in other peoples deliveries

it took a while but eventually the neighbours got the idea. They were cross that they had to go to the post office to pick up their parcels

Not my problem

sueelleker · 21/04/2022 19:14

Tell them to find an alternative delivery point-a shop, or lock-box.

ChitChatChatter · 21/04/2022 19:23

I wouldn’t engage with the neighbours on this, I’d just stop accepting any deliveries for them. I have a Ring doorbell and it’s a wonderful thing - I can see who’s at the door and screen out irritations like this.

JellyfishandShells · 21/04/2022 19:36

Delivery drivers are still dropping at doorstep, ringing and going straightaway here ( SWLondon ) not checking to see if anyone answers - something that only started with Covid. Are they delivering properly again in other areas?

We had a difficult ( understatement) time with a neighbour and I said to a delivery driver who wanted me to take in a parcel for this person that I was not willing to do for No 00 but would for any of the other neighbours. No excuses, no explanations just a statement of position - the driver doesn’t need to know why ( or would care)

Norgie · 21/04/2022 19:39

I wouldn't have taken their parcels in at any time.
Just refuse to.
A couple of delivery men asked me if I would take parcels in for my neighbours prior to Christmas, they looked fed up to be told no.
Not my parcel, not my problem.

LovePoppy · 21/04/2022 19:52

Frazzled2207 · 21/04/2022 17:41

thanks everyone lots of good advice here seems to be almost universal yanbu so will stop accepting them.
It is tricky though as we would like to foster good relationships with neighbours. You never know when you might need to ask a favour from a neighbour after all. But with the gate situation it is unlikely we could ever ask a favour from them. Hopefully it will be resolved soon.

If the only way to foster good relations is to constantly be put upon…it’s not worth it

plzjuslemesleep · 21/04/2022 19:59

As per all the other responses, stop taking parcels. No-one need know. Guaranteed they'll pretty quickly sort the gate out once all their parcels start getting returned.

TurquoiseSwirl · 21/04/2022 20:51

I agree with your DH, it’s not PA at all.
just stop taking them in. Tell the delivery driver no sorry.
if neighbours ask why, say for the same reason the delivery drivers can’t deliver, you can’t ring a bell etc and they obviously haven’t deemed you worthy enough to give them their number to let them know.
they should also be com to collect the parcels from you, you shouldn’t have to let them know to get them.