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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not want to be concierge service for new neighbours

236 replies

Frazzled2207 · 21/04/2022 10:14

We have recently moved. There are five houses in the cul de sac. Three in a row - ours is the last one - then two much posher ones behind a somewhat scary looking gate which has not been there that long (5 years perhaps but houses are very old)

Said gate is electric and there are separate doorbells/intercoms for the two houses on the entrance to the gate.

Very soon after moving in - having had brief but very friendly interactions with the neighbours - it became clear that the intercom/doorbell for the gate was not working properly. There is a barrage of deliveries from DPD, Hermes, Royal Mail etc. Delivery men asked if we would take them, we agreed assuming that the doorbell was not temporarily working properly. Bear in mind that in virtually all cases I believe they were in, but no way to let them know other than shouting or jumping over a high wall (not realistic as there is a spikey hedge on the other side).

Next time I saw them I shouted over the wall and mentioned that I had parcels, they came to collect and I made a joke about the bell not working. I expected a 'yeah sorry we're on with that' but actually got words to the effect of 'no it hasn't worked for years and we don't intend to get it fixed'. I was so gobsmacked I didn't know what to say.

So basically there is no way of accessing their property when gate is shut which it is almost all the time unless you actually call from your mobile to say you're at the gate in which case they will open it for you. I see visitors pulling up and calling and then being let in. Clearly delivery men don't do this. So they mostly knock on ours instead.

Had an interesting discussion with a royal mail man today who was trying to deliver a signed for package. They have apparently arranged redelivery three times and each time despite them blatantly being in he has failed to be able to deliver. After three times it returns to sender so he said he would be doing that. Am just baffled you would order a package online knowing that there would be no way to get it delivered unless your friendly neighbour took it in.

to be clear I have absolutely no issue whatsoever with occasionally taking in parcels. Used to do it quite often in old house but neighbours used to do the same. It was an occasional not regular thing. Here it's a daily occurence and they will never be able to return the favour for us.

I suspect previous neigbours may have just been happy to take them. That's all fine but it doesn't necessarily follow that we will does it. Although there are two houses beyond the gate all the packages have been addressed to one, it would appear that the other doesn't order parcels. That's fine but I still find it odd that it just isn't possible to access either house.

AIBU to not want to take in all the parcels? And if IANBU how do I approach this with them, bearing in mind we really want to foster friendly relations with all neighbours, not least as some work will be done later this year which could be noisy/disruptive. DH suggests the passive aggressive approach of just refusing to take any more. I'd prefer to be a bit nicer about it but not sure how.

OP posts:
MsFogi · 21/04/2022 15:41

No way - parcel acceptance needs to go both ways (ie I am happy to take parcels for my neighbours and they do the same for me). Your neighbours are simply assuming you will act as some sort of local post depot for them so I would stop accepting any parcels for them.

emmathedilemma · 21/04/2022 15:42

Definitely not being unreasonable, I have one neighbour who i won't take things in for any more as they have a habit of vanishing overseas for months on end and even when they come back they don't have the courtesy to come for their parcels or answer the door even though I can see the TV is on! If they're not willing to fix the bell they need to get a parcel drop box outside the gate or stop ordering things online.

forrestgreen · 21/04/2022 16:07

A small sign next to the doorbell saying you're sorry but can no longer accept parcels for no's x and y as they don't collect.

supersop60 · 21/04/2022 16:09

Mumsnut · 21/04/2022 10:32

Are you able to see who is at the door and ignore delivery men? Then you can just say , if asked, 'Oh yes, someone knocked, but I was on a call / a zoom meeting and couldn't answer'

That would be PA.
If asked, you say "I'm not taking any more parcels". (and you could add the MN standard 'it doesn't work for me')

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 21/04/2022 16:11

But there is no nicer alternative. You have spoken to them and they have no intention of changing their circumstances, they anticipate relying upon you, as they did the previous occupants of your house. They do indeed see you as their concierge service. They have told you this. How many more times do you need to hear them say it?

So disappoint them at will. Refuse everything.

Neverreturntoathread · 21/04/2022 16:14

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 21/04/2022 10:35

Put a note on your door saying you are unable to accept parcels for neighbours.

They are being rude. But won't change until it inconveniences them

Exactly this!

Cervinia · 21/04/2022 16:15

Just refuse to take them. When they’ve had to contact 15 companies about returned deliveries they’ll start doing click and collect.

if you don’t want to be a concierge stop acting like one. Alternately stick their mobile number on the gates.

SockFluffInTheBath · 21/04/2022 16:18

If your DH answers the door in case it’s his parcel he can always refuse when he sees it’s for the CF neighbour and just say he’s not taking it.

CurbsideProphet · 21/04/2022 16:20

Fulmine · 21/04/2022 15:13

In the interests of good relations and getting this resolved quicker, I do think it would make sense at least to tell your neighbours that you won't be accepting their deliveries any more so they need to get the gate fixed or make other arrangements.

The quickest way to resolve the issue is to say no to every delivery. There's no need for the OP to tell the neighbour or make excuses / apologies.

UnsuitableHat · 21/04/2022 16:21

Agree with your DH, just refuse to
take the parcels. They can go to a sorting office for collection.

CounsellorTroi · 21/04/2022 16:23

WeWillLookBack · 21/04/2022 10:55

You need to start saying NO.

A few years ago a delivery of 3 massive boxes for our neighbour. My lovely husband felt sorry for the delivery driver, so agreed to take them, but watched to make sure he put a card through the neighbours door. The neighbour did not come over the that day, nor the next. We could hardly move in our hallway. So I popped round to let them know. The wife left me know they were renovating their bathroom and utility room - but workmen due in 2 weeks, so didn't really want them in the way as the were big items, so hadn't bothered to collect them. I agreed that they were indeed big - and if they didn't move them now, I would put them in the front garden, so she could decide what to do with them. She was actually annoyed at me.

My husband works from home - so the local delivery drivers has started using us as the 'drop off'. He stopped accepting parcels after that. About 6mths later, the neighbour let me know it was really inconvenient that my husband didn't work from home anymore, as she as having issues with deliveries etc. He still works from home.

You mean they expected to use your home as free storage until they could be bothered to collect the boxes? Utterly staggering cheeky fuckery.

SpinningMeSoftly · 21/04/2022 16:30

I stuck a discreet(ish) notice up last year by our bell when I was particulary unwell saying 'sorry, we can't accept parcels for other people' and it was bloody liberating!

Like OP, I didn't want to affect good neighbourly relations, but I just couldn't be arsed with it all any more, especially the traipsing to the door on fucking crutches.

The reason I'm home all day isn't so I can be a parcel depot for others - it's because I'm supposed to be recovering!

Justleaveitblankthen · 21/04/2022 16:34

If you feel awkward about flat refusing deliveries, dimly tell the Driver that you work night shifts, so can't be disturbed during the daytime. You should soon find that they eventually stop asking. Even different drivers or delivery companies see feedback about anything of note at the address and notes are taken.
Or try this: Grin 2X We Do Not Accept Parcels for Neighbours Stickers Door Printed Vinyl Label www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00OGNXHZC/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_399A70BK45PVV6BFZS5M

Justleaveitblankthen · 21/04/2022 16:35

*simply not dimly Blush

JudgeJ · 21/04/2022 16:37

Flyonthewall01 · 21/04/2022 10:20

I just would refuse to take in the parcels. You don’t need to speak to them just don’t accept them. Not your problem

One of my neighbours has a card on her door 'We do not take parcels for other houses' yet I see others taking parcels for them when they're at work.

Dancer47 · 21/04/2022 16:39

One day in November last year I took in 16 parcels in one day for various neighbours - the more I took parcels in for them, the more they took the piss and thought - oh Dancer will take them for me - My hallways was full of big heavy boxes. From that day on I declined all parcels for neighbours. No need to talk to them about it - they are abusing your kindness.
There are lockers and drop off shops so you can pick up your parcels - there is no need to get them delivered to your house when you aren't there!

zingally · 21/04/2022 16:42

I agree with the DH, stop taking them.

If you don't want the confrontation with the delivery person, just pretend to be "out" whenever you see a delivery van!
The parcel owners haven't changed anything, because they've had no reason to. They'll start pretty quickly once they realise they don't get any packages!

Pawtriarchal · 21/04/2022 16:44

Could you zip tie one of those race starter horns to their gates, with ‘ring here for parcel deliveries!’ to it - might get the message across 😂

zingally · 21/04/2022 16:46

In a "similar but different" story, years ago I took in a parcel for a neighbour. I absolutely refuse to chase people about picking up their parcels, especially as I literally watched the postman write out the "delivered to neighbour" card and put it through their door!
So this parcel sat in my house for 5 months and was never collected. Eventually I opened it up, and became the proud owner of a lovely cocktail making kit!

mimbleandlittlemy · 21/04/2022 16:57

Refuse them. In our old road our CF neighbour had told various companies to deliver to our house because she knew my very elderly mum was always in. This came to light when a Boden parcel had "If not in leave with neighbour at **" printed on the label plain to see - even though she knew my dear mum had difficulty walking. We point blank refused all parcels from then on.

NewbieDivergent · 21/04/2022 16:58

Put a sign on your door saying not to bother kno king if it's their parcels as you wont accept them.

MajorCarolDanvers · 21/04/2022 17:00

Just refuse. It's completely not your problem so
Don't feel guilty about it either.

Winter2020 · 21/04/2022 17:01

I would put a small sign in the window/porch
“Apologies that we are not able to accept parcels for other houses as we are working from home.
with thanks”
that seems fair enough. Anyone that does knock just say no sorry it’s causing problems with your work from home. Tell neighbours the same if they mention it.

shmess · 21/04/2022 17:02

If you don't want the confrontation with the delivery person, just pretend to be "out" whenever you see a delivery van

Why do things like this? Are they going to have to hide every time the delivery van shows up?
A simple "I'm not taking in parcels for neighbours anymore" will suffice.
It's not a confrontation. The delivery driver can then try another neighbour or simply put it back in the van and take it back.

tkwal · 21/04/2022 17:05

Some of the couriers that come here send a text to give us a 1 hour time slot. If they can't arrange to do that or get their bell fixed either A. Charge them £1per parcel and 50p per day thereafter or B. Tell them you aren't doing it any more and they need to find an alternative safe place

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