To ask what wedding guests actually find important?

[Scarfmisuseissues]

Might regret this knowing how anti-wedding MN can be but here goes! Am in early stages of wedding planning and want to focus our budget on things that will actually make our guests day more enjoyable, as we recognise there's a significant cost/effort involved in attending to celebrate with us.

As a wedding guest, what details/gestures etc are actually important to you, and what could you not give a crap about?

For example, MIL was horrified at my suggestion we ditch favours,-: I'm never that bothered about them, but she thinks people will find it rude.

Also, are you offended when receiving an evening only invite or is it fine? We want to keep numbers at the ceremony smaller as DP is quite shy.

We won't be able to stretch to a free bar all day/night, so that's a no no.

Thank you for participating in my research.

Enough food at appropriate times
Warmth.
Booze.
Seats.

My family need feeding. We get hungry and grumpy if there is no food.

No long gaps for things like photos. Good, filling food (nothing daft like melon for starter). No enforced fake formality (like receiving lines).

Food and drink. Not being left without any thought for ages for photos.

As Yorkshire Terri said!

Oh there will be plenty of food. I love my grub. Full sit down wedding breakfast and a substantial evening buffet effort.

If you are going to spend forever having photos taken, please provide your guests with the following, in this order:

Somewhere to sit, and with seats. We don’t want to sit on the floor or on stairs.

Something to drink. Water or soft drinks or tea and coffee are fine.

Something to eat. Crisps, nuts, canapés.

Enough to eat and drink. A cash bar is fine. Keep the speeches short. Not remotely bothered about favours etc.

No need for a free bar, so don't worry about that. Some alcohol with dinner would be good, and maybe a glass of fizz for toasting

Plenty of weather appropriate food (e.g. no cold chicken breasts on cold plates at a January weddung!), that you don't have to wait too long for

Enough places to sit down, and some space to sit and chat away from any loud music if people prefer that

As little time as possible spent on photos. 30 mins max. No posed photos at all would be perfect - one of those photographers who hovers and takes discreet natural photos of people during the day and evening.

Feed people well, try not to keep them hanging about for too long, and enjoy your day!

Normal food including sausage rolls and bread!
Not some fussy overpriced rubbish!
Free soft drinks/squash if you can't stretch to booze?

Lots of food and I’m happy! Not fussed about favour unless they’re edible otherwise they just get binned!

Food , not hanging around and not having to travel
Happy to buy my own drinks and also give cash as gift

Plenty of food and drink, seats, not having to stand around for ages. Not bothered at all about favours, I didn't do them for my guests

If you can’t stretch to a free bar all night- then prioritise ensuring there is enough plonk during the meals and ample processo/bubbles of choice during the ‘waiting around for photos’ time.

Evening only is fine for work colleagues or bigger groups of friends but don’t expect people to travel for it. I only think an evening invite works if the guests are all from one place, and the venue is accessible for them. A £30 each way rural taxi to a stately home is a big expense for someone who is only of ‘evening guest’ status. Especially if they’ll need to buy their own drinks. And they’ll probably think they have to bring a gift. What exactly are you providing for them? What are you hosting?

DP needs to get over his shyness at marrying the woman he loves tbh. It’s pretty unfair to render a lot of people evening guests for this reason- I only accept an evening guest invite if it’s going to be a good party and it’s worth my time going. The moment it becomes expensive and inaccessible, it’s less appealing given you are a second class guest!

Agree with above - enough food. Cater for veggies etc. Evening do invites are fine for colleagues and similar but not family/ old friends in my view. Agree that favours are not necessary, especially keepsakes (in the nicest possible way, no-one wants a souvenir of your wedding!) Edible favours are better! Or plantable.

Plenty of Food , especially when the photos are being taken
And plenty of (free) Drink

Don't care about favours

Good to have a DJ that takes requests

Keep the speeches short. They're rarely good or funny

Also no expensive hen party

A good DJ or band or even a good Spotify playlist depending on budget - I love a dance!

No need for a free bar but I want to be fed.

No hanging around without something to do.

Ditch the favours!

Oh and don't be a dick about dress codes (the fact you're asking suggests you won't be )

Food - and enough of it. Booze - not ridiculously priced. Seats. Not too much waiting around. Couldn’t give a monkeys about favours! Does anyone really? I personally don’t like evening only invitations and don’t go - but it’s each to their own on that one.

In terms of saving money.. cakes seem a waste too. Seem to be good for a picture but people rarely eat them ?

We ditched favours. My experience working in the wedding industry was that if they weren’t immediately consumable then well over half were wasted, however thoughtful they were. People want good food, drinks for the reception and meal (cash bar for the evening is standard), and that’s it really. Make sure you spend some time with every guest.

Personally I view evening invitations as for people who you’d quite like to be there but wouldn’t mind if they said no. Like your work colleagues, netball team, more distant friends. So bear in mind that your guests are less likely to prioritise an evening invitation and are more likely to drop out last minute. Grouping people tends too avoid offence: all of cousins either attend all day, or evening only; poor to divide a friendship group with day and evening invitations. I wouldn’t be offended at an evening indication, but I would take that as a sign that you view me as a more distant friend.

@YorkshireTerri

Enough food at appropriate times Warmth. Booze. Seats.

This. I'm more than happy to pay for booze - but it's nice if it isn't really pricey. Some soft drinks provided and jugs of water are good too.

As for the evening do..... it's up to you. At our wedding we just had all our close friends and family for the day/evening.....but finished around 10pm. But it's what work for you. I wouldn't be offended being invited to a local evening do. I would object to travelling just for an evening do.

Nice food is my no1
Prosecco on the table not just wine (I don't like wine)
Not fussed about any favours
Good music at the reception

Not having to hang around loads in between various bits. Not having to wait ages for food. Enough seating.

I personally wouldn’t mind at all if favours weren’t involved.