To ask what wedding guests actually find important?

[Scarfmisuseissues]

Might regret this knowing how anti-wedding MN can be but here goes! Am in early stages of wedding planning and want to focus our budget on things that will actually make our guests day more enjoyable, as we recognise there's a significant cost/effort involved in attending to celebrate with us.

As a wedding guest, what details/gestures etc are actually important to you, and what could you not give a crap about?

For example, MIL was horrified at my suggestion we ditch favours,-: I'm never that bothered about them, but she thinks people will find it rude.

Also, are you offended when receiving an evening only invite or is it fine? We want to keep numbers at the ceremony smaller as DP is quite shy.

We won't be able to stretch to a free bar all day/night, so that's a no no.

Thank you for participating in my research.

Best weddings I’ve been to have had the following;
A seating plan (been to a couple without them and it was chaos. No one needs that stress).
Free bar - this can be limited to soft drinks, wine and beer - no need for spirits.

Food Served at the table. Like others have said, have been to some buffets where the food has run out before everyone’s got something.

A Band - always gets the party going far better than a DJ.
Everything else is secondary and a nice to have if budget allows.

No problem with favours - meh, I don't really care tbh. Just pissed me off at one wedding though where men and women got different favours - they got a little whisky miniature and we got some random bath shit. Just why?

Enough toilets. I don’t want to wait more than a few minutes or walk miles for a piss.

Food and drink.

I’ve been to many weddings from low key afternoon to week long extravaganza’s. The stand outs have been where the guest have been left hungry or thirsty.

I went to a terrible wannabe posh wedding about 12 years ago where with B&G disappeared off for photos for two hours and once we’d had our allocated 1 glass of prosecco and three canapés we were on our own.

It was awful. We were left in blazing sun, nowhere to purchase a drink or food and no idea what the time frames were.

We’re not really in touch with the couple now and when I occasionally see photos of them on SM all I can think of is the tedium of their wedding day.

@Scarfmisuseissues
I’m slightly bemused about keeping within budget and then inviting DC of old family friends? Why? My DDs have always said friends trump everyone else and just an evening invite is the consolation ticket which might not be worth the effort. I would not now turn up for just the evening. I personally think those days have gone.

My DD is young enough to go to a number of weddings (7 invites this year) and people seem to want friends and close relatives and a few friends of mum and dad but not their offspring unless mum and dad are God parents.

As others have said, it’s way cheaper to have a late ceremony and then everyone can sit down and eat fairly quickly. You should serve a welcome drink and canapés and wine with the meal. Then champagne or whatever for toast. Then cash bar.

I think venue matters. Middle priced boring hotels don’t float my boat. We’ve had more fun in village halls with a live band. Even a marquee attached to a pub! I think you do need table decorations but you really don’t have to spend a fortune on these.

DD1 was a bridesmaid a few years ago. It was so stressful she knew she would want a slimmed down wedding. No one cares about favours. It’s trying too hard. I’ve even seen picnic weddings using trestle tables that look rustic but fabulous. Add fairy lights and “wild” flowers.

I definitely think you can ditch favours, I’ve only just realised that there were none at the last two weddings we went to, we really didn’t miss them. And an affordable bar, the last wedding we went to at a very expensive hotel was £55 for 4 glasses of Prosecco. Madness. Fortunately we were staying at the hotel and stashed a bottle we brought with us in our room. And provide lots of water around to dilute alcohol and keep everyone hydrated, nothing worse than not being offered anything but alcohol.

I have no problem with evening invitations, and never realised people did until I came to Mumsnet. We are of an age where the children of good friends are getting married and we are often invited to the evening and love it! No standing around waiting and lots of dancing and a drink or several with friends.

Just thought of a couple more things.

Seating - where possible try and sit people with friends. No social experimentations , particularly not with any single friends.

Buffets/hog roasts for the main meal. Not generally in favour since the time we were at the last table for the hog roast and had to wait about an hour starving with DS who was quite young at the time, and the damn thing was just about finished when we got there.

Obviously this is completely personal, but things I like:
Not starting at the crack of dawn, people need time to get there, eat beforehand, and get ready etc. I went to a wedding that started at 1600 and it was brilliant! Dinner was at a normal time, drinking was at a normal time. A ceremony at 12 or earlier is a massive pain!
Food that comes out mostly at the same time, once there was a two hour gap between the first and last table so half were up and wandering about and half were starving and quite drunk!
Drinks and snacks whilst doing posed photos, and shade/shelter if it’s outside.
Good music, live bands are brilliant for getting everyone up, but a decent DJ is also good.
Easy and cheap to get to/stay over. Some thought into logistics where ceremony and evening venue are in different places.
Proper food - the bbq wedding I went to was amazing, loads of salads etc, tasty bbq options and something for everyone. Fancy catering seldom works for large numbers when it all need to go out at the same time.

Things I don’t care about:
Flower table decorations - nearly always they get moved as people can’t see each other. Looks pretty from afar but not practical on the table.
Favours - I can’t remember a wedding I’ve taken a favour home, unless it’s something that can be consumed at the time (digestive tipple, sweet treat)
Free bar - amazing if there is one, but drinks on the table for dinner and paid bar is fine as you can choose what you want. And please chill the white wine and provide coolers on the table!!
Overly long speeches - short and sweet are the best!
DJs that talk between songs
Elaborate wedding cakes - fine if you like them, but they get sliced up and left out and they all pretty much taste the same, seems like a waste of money and far too much icing usually!
Expectations on guests to have to go for drinks/dinner the night before and the day after. If it’s casual, then fine, but usually people are limited on time.

Didn’t realise I had so many opinions on weddings! I do love them though. Big weddings aren’t for me but I like going to other peoples! The more casual ones I have found the best, they’re usually more personal and fun. I once did 8 weddings in a year and a lot of the country house/barn/posh hotel ones blur into one!! My favourites were at people’s houses and pubs!

No standing around for ages.. Nice food... Good seating quickly as some of us are desabled etc.. Thanking for gift brought.. Seeing the happy couple enjoy there day.

I love favours at weddings so was really excited about planning mine. However on the day, lots of guests left them behind on the tables so I wouldn't worry too much about them.

Enough food at meal times. (Wedding at 10am and no food til 4 is a bad schedule for example)
Some good music
People I know/ who are friendly on the table I'm on.
I'm not bothered about favours.
One wedding I went to when my kids were little (5&8) they'd given little packages of things for the kids though & I thought that was a great touch, there were little toys, a few sweets & each kids name was on the bag. Kids loved it and it made my life much easier

I appreciate not having to do lots of waiting around, minimal travel time between venues if the ceremony and reception aren't at the same place, lots of food, booze and good entertainment.
I was a bridesmaid a few years ago and I was quite impressed by the canapés and Pimms whilst waiting for the wedding breakfast (with wine on the table) which was also really nice, as was the buffet for the reception.
Hog roast, bbq, or cheese, meats, olives and paté type buffet go down well.
For entertainment we've enjoyed something you can dance to such as a disco or a live band.

What I don't care for: favours (usually go in the bin), chair covers, centrepieces on the table, elaborate boards with seating plans, magicians, photo booths with props like cardboard moustaches, and invitations involving the words "we don't want your presents, just your presence".

Somewhere to sit down during the drinks reception. I can't stand for 1-2 hours. I've been to several where I had to stand for over 90 minutes and there's been half a dozen chairs and obviously/understandably elderly guests get priority. I'm actually gladdened by how many people on this thread agree - I thought I was the only one!

NOT black tie
Feed us
Don't keep everyone hanging around with nothing to do for hours
Happy to pay for the bar so not bothered if you don't
Favours - pointless
Don't be a bridezilla and subject your bridesmaids to hell in the lead up
Don't expect your event to cost people £100's - hen do, presents, hotels
Places to take a breather

If you want organised photos, organise them. I adore the posed photos from my wedding (we don’t have lots of our extended family all together so they’re v precious) but we had a list and sorted it so the groups made sense - so each individual was needed for the shortest possible time. And everyone else had seats and food and drinks! It took about 30 mins max because our ushers were good at rounding up the next people on the list,etc.

If you want cheap favours, get some blank cards. Write names on the outside (can be used as place settings if you’re having those) and inside write a short memory/message for each person. People will think it’s very tHoughtful and can keep forever or leave on the table as they prefer. And you don’t waste loads of money!

Food, at least drinks with the meal, no favours (we don’t care and you’ll find loads left behind), and the chance for a cup of tea at some point.

Enough food, no waiting around while photos are being taken and plenty of seats to sit on if there is waiting at any point.
The best wedding I ever went to had hired three food trucks that just served different food all afternoon and evening, had "first look" photos done before the ceremony, and had quieter areas for people to sit and chat. Also a photo booth and games which was a really fun added extra.

I also hate seating plans. I told everyone to sit where they bloody wanted at our wedding and it was great!

I would also bear in mind that if you're inviting a guest that is unlikely to know anyone else, then offer them a plus one. I find talking to new people very difficult and just felt awkward.

Food, as in proper food, not a teeny tiny apetiser passed off as a main course at 5pm for a 12pm wedding. No, a slice of cauliflower and some cucumber ice is not a meal.

More of a venue thing, once everyone is seated can people easily leave their seat and walk around, can you eat your meal without knocking the person next to you.

Seating, the last wedding we went to have 15 seats (yes I am that sad) at the venue, it was almost two houra before we ate and there were more than 15 older guests who really needed to be able to sit down. A lot of people who stayed at the venue went to their rooms until we were called in for food.

If you do speeches after we’ve eaten, its shit sitting down for a meal and having to listen to ‘funny’ speeches first.

Favours are usually a bit of a waste, we went to a wedding where the groom had made mini cheese scones that morning and they along with a pat of butter were favours/an alternative to bread.

Somewhere in the evening that isn’t very noisey and is inside, having to sit outside in the cold to have a bit of a quieter space isn’t great.

Good food, good company, good DJ and reasonably priced alcohol - that's all that matters to me.

I think favours are a total waste of money.

I hate standing around waiting on the photos getting done - so get that out the way quickly.

Think about your table centres.
I went to wedding recently with a table centre so dense, wide and tall that it completely obliterated both the people sat opposite me.
Had to bend to almost have my chin touching the table to talk to my two cousins as no chance of seeing over it, even stood up!
Aye, they looked grand but they were really fucking stupid.

Drinks and food flowing, good music.

We thought we had lined all this up for our wedding but the actual service from the caterering staff was horrendous.
Our table (the top table) missed out on bubbles for the toast, tea/coffee with pudding and wine was never replenished. I was tearing my hair out worried all the guests were being treated the same. We had bought ridiculous amounts of booze and none of it was served 😒

... and magicians, more of an annoyance than light entertainment. heart sinks when they approach.

Also very happy to pay for the bar, edible or plantable favours only. We gave everyone sunflower seeds (and it was very nice to recieve photos in following months from people who had planted them!)

Free bar, lots of food and no long gaps between things. Being warm inside!

Booze, food, cheerful atmosphere. A sense of fun rather than showing off