To ask what wedding guests actually find important?

[Scarfmisuseissues]

Might regret this knowing how anti-wedding MN can be but here goes! Am in early stages of wedding planning and want to focus our budget on things that will actually make our guests day more enjoyable, as we recognise there's a significant cost/effort involved in attending to celebrate with us.

As a wedding guest, what details/gestures etc are actually important to you, and what could you not give a crap about?

For example, MIL was horrified at my suggestion we ditch favours,-: I'm never that bothered about them, but she thinks people will find it rude.

Also, are you offended when receiving an evening only invite or is it fine? We want to keep numbers at the ceremony smaller as DP is quite shy.

We won't be able to stretch to a free bar all day/night, so that's a no no.

Thank you for participating in my research.

No standing around, for hours, no long arsed speeches, sitting with people I don't know or forced seating. no long breaks between different services.no demanding certain gifts.

Best weddings I have been to are fluid and simple, with nice food served on-time. I hate statement weddings in your face, which are over the top.

Food, warmth, places to sit.

An order of the day so I can deal with waiting for the wedding breakfast. I hate not knowing how long I'll have to starve/linger for.

Also, sit me with people I will actually enjoy sitting with!

Favours are not important and I wished I hadn't bothered with them.

Food, seats, warmth, places to be able to talk ie not too noisy everywhere, I don't expect a free bar or any free drinks but don't appreciate an overpriced bar.

I don't mind a local evening only invite but don't want to have to travel for one.

I like to be warm (went to one wedding in a teepee with no heaters and was bloody baltic)
I like to be fed enough food (at that same freezing wedding they had a hot buffet that people helped themselves to, and as the last table we got left with the dregs)
I'm not bothered about a free bar but a free welcome drink is always nice
I like a wedding to be easy to access without me driving (I realise that people will have their weddings where they want, but it's really annoying going to a wedding in the middle of nowhere with no taxi service or nearby places to stay)

enough food, enough seats, one free drink to toast the pair.

My main requirement is to be invited to the marriage ceremony (whatever it is) . I dont accept any "evening only" or part-time invitations, I think it's rude to tell guests they are second or third rank.

I do get miffed about evening only invitations as I want to see the wedding ceremony.

Free drinks while photos are taken. Enough labelled veggie food at a buffet. DJ that takes requests. Enough places to sit. Let people sit where they want, as you may not be aware of any personal issues between guests!

Most important for me
Plenty of food
Some drinks on the table
Not being cold
If there's long wait for photos etc then somewhere to sit and maybe canapes handed out
Not bothered about favours or fussy decorations/sweet tables/photo booths/large initial lights on the dance floor

Food. Always good. Regular food - canapés after the ceremony, a sit down meal and evening offerings. The best wedding I ever went to had food available the entire time, even if it was just truffles and crisps.

Favours I don’t care about at all.

I like to know what’s happening, so an itinerary somewhere is nice so you can wander off to walk the grounds or go to the bar without thinking you are going to be called for photos or the meal.

Lots of food and if kids or big kids are invited garden games go down a treat.

I’m not bothered by a photo booth but I do like a sweet cart or a brownie stand

Plenty of food but not 7 courses that go on forever - 3 plus coffee is plenty
Booze - a couple of bottles of wine for the table (1/2 a bottle each), plus a pay bar
You can get wedding cake tiers from M&S and decorate with fresh flowers or sugar cake decorations. If you’re not really into cake do that. I spent a fortune on a cake and resented it!
Don’t get really expensive flowers - just ask for whatever is in season
Party favours are an absolute waste of brain space and money. Utterly pointless
Don’t waste money on vintage cars - low priority when on a budget
Explore local village and church halls if you are interested in doing your own catering. Some of them are stunning and you can rent them really cheaply
Get a decent band or DJ
Look on Facebook Marketplace for wedding decorations. There seems to be tonnes of fripperies like table decorations, candles and the like, going for a few pounds.

So, this is where you should spend your money:

Food
Booze
Music

Everything else is optional - except for the ceremony!

Not too long a wait for the food, esp if the ceremony is late morning (I have an abiding memory of a wedding almost thirty years ago where the bride and groom's photos took literally hours, and the guests were famished and bored.)
Good food.
Funny speeches.
Space for any DC to have a run around so they can let off steam.
A happy bride and groom.

No need for wedding favours.

Me again, but thinking about it further I would also say a later ceremony is the way forward. People have lunch before they come so (hopefully) soak up a bit of booze if they're drinking, and then dinner at a normal time.

Also not bothered about day or night invites. I’m happy with an evening invite providing we live close by. I probably would pay for hotel and travel 100miles for an evening invite

Agree with lots of things here. But regardless of what you do, telling people what’s happening and when is great so people can plan stuff. Ie bring cash for bar, know when to book a taxi, work out what food they’ll eat before the wedding.

The wedding we've just been to was astronomical for bar prices (£19.20 for a double rum and coke) and it was a couple of hours away for us in the middle of nowhere. We didn't mind staying in a nearby hotel but we ended up spending a lot more on drinks than we were expecting.

I'm old enough to remember the type of family weddings that were the local church or registry office then the village hall/social club and, if you were super posh, the local hotel for the reception.

I don't remember favours coming around until I was at least in my teens - there was the odd wedding with the sugar almond type of things which were supposed to be symbolic but were always left on the table. So favours just aren't that important, I agree with you.

And at those 'older times' weddings, because they were often catered by the family or friends of the family, there was always plenty of food being topped up all the time.

As an evening guest it's nice to be able to get a plateful of food. Some 'newer' weddings I've been to have had a huge meal for the day guests then a paltry buffet later. Which is fine when you're stuffed full of a three/four course meal, not great if you'd travelled to arrive at 7pm and hadn't been told there wouldn't be much available.

One wedding I went to gave each guest (including the evening ones) a couple of 'tickets' for a free drink of their choice (single shots of gin etc /small glass of wine/pint of lager/soft drink) rather than favours. That went down well. And the kids loved going up to exchange their tickets for a cola without mum or dad having to go up with them to pay.

And I've been to a couple of weddings where there were no wedding cakes - one put the money behind the bar so everyone could have a few drinks on the bride and groom. The other did hot pasties/sausage rolls as 'going home food' wrapped in foil. It was lovely arriving home at 1am and unwrapping my chosen pasty whilst I rested my dancing aching feet!

And I definitely agree with having something going on whilst photos are happening. There's nothing worse than long, drawn out photos with no food for the guests, nothing to drink and nowhere to sit. Especially if you can see all the tables laid out but can't get into the room (rightly). Having an area with seats and some soft music, drinks and some nibbles is lovely.

The thing I hate about weddings is the hanging about.

And single choice menus.

Also... not having a free bar wouldn't bother me, but I'd hope you check to make sure it wasn't ridiculously expensive.
I personally don't see the point in having a cake. When we get married, we won't bother.

I rarely attend weddings if they're for the evening reception only. It kind of makes me feel like I'm not really that important to you, and get a second class invite and spend the evening with the people who are actually important to you, who got a first class invite to the full day. It probably sounds ridiculous, but I don't think there's much point inviting people for a couple of hours, especially when they have to spend money to be there (transport, accommodation, gifts etc)

The last wedding I went to, the bride supplied free towelling slippers for those who wanted to ditch their heels in the evening, which was a nice touch. No need for favours. Spend any money saved on a free drink or two.

We did a printed quiz (like a pub quiz/general knowledge thing) for people to do while they were waiting for us to have photos done to fill the time, then gave the answers out later if they wanted to see how they did. No real cost to it, just a little time to compile and print a few copies but it went down really well and if people aren't interested they don't have to join in.

Ditch the favours, don't have photo booth, sweet bar etc. I went to a great wedding where the couple wanted lots of photos of themselves in the grounds so during that break the caterers came around with trays of beer, wine, pimms, soft drinks and tray after tray of canapés for guests. Also in the ladies was a basket of primark flip flops in different sizes - that went down well.

No free bar in the evening, it's not expected.

Waiting around for the bride and groom, lack of access to food and drinks (I don't care if I have to buy my own drinks all day, just let me access the bar!), ease of transport to and from venues etc.

The worst I went to was a beautiful wedding, but 15 miles from the church to the evening location, plus no hotels anywhere nearby - we all had to drive or pay £££ for taxis to go umpteen miles. The couple had TWO HOURS of pre planned photos on arrival at the evening location about 3pm, and the venue's bar didn't open until 5. It was freezing cold, we had nowhere to sit in between photos and we (the friends) were only in about two of them. Absolutely excruciating in high heels and thin pretty frocks.

I made sure mine was the opposite.

A bride and groom enjoying themselves! 😃

Food at appropriate times, no standing around, particularly in full sun/freezing temperatures.
A happy bride and groom. If I'm at your wedding it means I like you, so (excepting anything that's a pain in the arse for guests) do what makes you happy.