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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what wedding guests actually find important?

741 replies

Scarfmisuseissues · 19/04/2022 17:54

Might regret this knowing how anti-wedding MN can be but here goes! Am in early stages of wedding planning and want to focus our budget on things that will actually make our guests day more enjoyable, as we recognise there's a significant cost/effort involved in attending to celebrate with us.

As a wedding guest, what details/gestures etc are actually important to you, and what could you not give a crap about?

For example, MIL was horrified at my suggestion we ditch favours,-: I'm never that bothered about them, but she thinks people will find it rude.

Also, are you offended when receiving an evening only invite or is it fine? We want to keep numbers at the ceremony smaller as DP is quite shy.

We won't be able to stretch to a free bar all day/night, so that's a no no.

Thank you for participating in my research.

OP posts:
Sceptre86 · 19/04/2022 18:04

Honestly I care about the food. That it is nice and there is plenty of it. I wouldn't care if it was a homemade buffet but it has to taste good and be plentiful. I do prefer table service as I find during buffets any vegetarian dishes will get polished off before the actual vegetarians can eat. I also would rather that the evening event wasn't a million miles away from the actual ceremony if I am invited to both. Otherwise I have no preference over bands or DJs etc. Also wouldn't be bothered by a lack of favours, at one wedding I went to kids were going around pocketing all the favours before people had been seated so it was a definite waste of money. I appreciate flowers and a beautifully decorated venue but it doesn't really affect my enjoyment as a guest. One of my dear friends had a child's entertainer at her wedding and I thought that was thoughtful but they had money to spare. Otherwise a happy bride and groom and a joyful atmosphere makes for a great wedding.

JennyJumpup · 19/04/2022 18:05

Nice food and drink, and good music.
Couldn't be arsed about favours.

TeenPlusCat · 19/04/2022 18:05

Food.

No stupid long gaps where all there is to do is drink at the bar. I absolutely hate weddings where there is a long gap between afternoon & evening, especially if we aren't staying over at the location.

NewName9273 · 19/04/2022 18:06

Decent, substantial food, served at appropriate times.

No long breaks of doing nothing.

Good bar, enough welcome drinks.

Cas112 · 19/04/2022 18:06

Enough food and not to be sat with strangers

blameitonthecaffeine · 19/04/2022 18:06

Being able to see that the day is right for the bride and groom.

Don't really mind about anything else, to be honest. For me it's a day out. I want to see them having the best day of their lives, that's all.

But being warm enough is a definite bonus!

DelphiniumBlue · 19/04/2022 18:06

Food, seats, amusing speeches. If you're having a disco or band, it's nice to have a separate, quiet-ish room so that people can still chat when /if they are not dancing.

ExplodingElephants · 19/04/2022 18:07

Lots of nice food. If you’re having a drinks reception, then it would be good to stretch to a minimum one one glass each but as a guest, I’d rather have to pay for my own drink at the bar but have better food later if that’s all you can afford. As a guest, I’m not bothered about a DJ. DH downloaded a mixer thing for about £3 on his phone and then used it with Spotify. His dad already had a microphone so just announced our first dance. Have a lovely central point for the evening which gets people talking. We had a caricaturist but it could be a home made photo booth (also had that) candy cart etc. just something to keep the mood going and stop people being bored. Make sure there’s good structure to the day.

timbee2b · 19/04/2022 18:07

Enough food and somewhere to sit.

Take travel times into account, so don’t have an early afternoon ceremony, hours waiting around while you have photos done, and no food until 6pm. People may not have been able to eat since breakfast in this situation.

raspberrymuffin · 19/04/2022 18:08
  1. Food! With a decent veggie option that doesn't make me feel like the venue is taking the piss, I.e. not a caramelized onion tartlett with a bit of rocket chucked on the side while everyone else gets a roast.
  2. Access to a selection of not outrageously priced booze, to facilitate
  3. Dancing to cheesy music, preferably without a cringy DJ

If you bow to parental pressure re favours something edible is nice; I've never once planted the wild flower seeds and I lost the very well intentioned Marie Curie pin. But I can't imagine noticing if there aren't favours.

blameitonthecaffeine · 19/04/2022 18:08

Oh, and totally fine with evening only invites. Also not at all offended by last minute upgrades to full day invites - everyone knows numbers are limited and circumstances mean people sometimes drop out.

EmmaH2022 · 19/04/2022 18:08

The shortest possible event
It's easier to extend, with people who want to do that, rather than have a separate evening do. So if you really want 11am till 1am, structure the day in sections so people don't have to do the lot.

As others have said, food, drink, comfort, seats. No faffing for ages with pics.

oioimatey · 19/04/2022 18:09

I don't care about wedding favours at all. Disposable cameras or Polaroids are fun. Dancing. Quiet(er) area. Warmth, food, I don't mind if I'm an evening only guest. I love speeches, so long as they're not overly long. I went to a wedding once where the husband's friend's dad (why??) spoke for 52 minutes. It was awful.

Enjoy your wedding whatever you plan to do!

EmmaH2022 · 19/04/2022 18:09

Oh yes, decent veggie option that isn't vegan.

Fireyflies · 19/04/2022 18:09

Being an evening only guest is fine though IME they need access to alcohol early on to "catch up" with the all day guests. At my wedding we saved the cake to be cut and shared with the evening guests, which was a nice way of making them feel included. (And eating fresh cake is much nicer than everyone taking soggy slices of cake home with them) It's also nice if you can make an effort to be around to greet evening guests when they arrive (give them a precise time to make this easier for you) as otherwise you can get a bit lost arriving at a wedding and not able to find the bride or groom to congratulate them or hand them a card

Original poster
Scarfmisuseissues · 19/04/2022 18:09

Thank you all, keep em coming!

On the evening invite issue - there are a lot of 'old family friends' and I appreciate these people need inviting, but am thinking maybe their (adult) children and partners can come in the evening, otherwise it's bonkers out of control and we have 60 odd guests before start inviting any of our actual friends.

Venue will be local to where all invitees live - as in accessible by public transport and sub-£15 taxi ride home.

I'm immediately discounting venues who gouge on bar prices because it annoys me.

I am veggie myself so there will be plenty of veggie buffet food, we would budget for wine/soft drinks with the main meal, and a welcome fizz.

OP posts:
Greaterthanthesumoftheparts · 19/04/2022 18:09

I think actually a key thing is making it so it’s not expensive for people to attend (which you’ve actually stated it will be). I actually think somewhere local to most people so they don’t have to stay overnight, invite the kids so people don’t have to pay out for a babysitter for hours. Weddings can be as expensive as a family holiday for guests and I know where I’d rather spend my money.

Fluffycloudland77 · 19/04/2022 18:10

No shitty pastry evening food like vol au vents.

Mummumtum · 19/04/2022 18:11

Food, drinks (esp enough water), a seat & decent music

HardyBuckette · 19/04/2022 18:12

Food. Spend the money on that rather than a free bar. Free bars are always limited anyway, I would rather pay and have exactly what I want. Ideally don't do it up the arse end of nowhere and if you must, make sure the place has enough accommodation for everyone. Don't go for a venue that you can only afford if you have it on a Tuesday morning and that requires you to get half the guests to fuck off for several hours.

Favours are pointless the large majority of the time.

Egghead68 · 19/04/2022 18:12

Vegetarian good. No hanging around. Warm venue

Hawkins001 · 19/04/2022 18:12

@Scarfmisuseissues

Might regret this knowing how anti-wedding MN can be but here goes! Am in early stages of wedding planning and want to focus our budget on things that will actually make our guests day more enjoyable, as we recognise there's a significant cost/effort involved in attending to celebrate with us.

As a wedding guest, what details/gestures etc are actually important to you, and what could you not give a crap about?

For example, MIL was horrified at my suggestion we ditch favours,-: I'm never that bothered about them, but she thinks people will find it rude.

Also, are you offended when receiving an evening only invite or is it fine? We want to keep numbers at the ceremony smaller as DP is quite shy.

We won't be able to stretch to a free bar all day/night, so that's a no no.

Thank you for participating in my research.

Always various foods, I prefer the all you can eat Buffett, rather than free bar, Photography wise, good areas to get various photos, e.g. Wedding at a mill, or country house ect, adds more to the day, and more creativity aspects.
CloudPop · 19/04/2022 18:13

A relaxed bridal party! I like to see the b&g actually enjoying themselves and spending time with all the guests, rather than looking stressed out because it's all been such a palaver to organise. Agree also with decent, well timed food and access to reasonably priced booze later in the event.

Vasectomyreversalhopeful · 19/04/2022 18:13

Good food and plenty of it
Plenty of seating
Sitting people with people they know
A quieter area for people who don’t want to dance all night to chat and relax

DreamingOfTowels · 19/04/2022 18:13

Feed me. In daily life I can go between a 3pm ceremony and 5pm before eating but it isn’t 3pm is it, it’s travelling to the venue, getting ready etc and I don’t have time for lunch. I NEED post ceremony canapés please and thank you.