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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask what wedding guests actually find important?

741 replies

Scarfmisuseissues · 19/04/2022 17:54

Might regret this knowing how anti-wedding MN can be but here goes! Am in early stages of wedding planning and want to focus our budget on things that will actually make our guests day more enjoyable, as we recognise there's a significant cost/effort involved in attending to celebrate with us.

As a wedding guest, what details/gestures etc are actually important to you, and what could you not give a crap about?

For example, MIL was horrified at my suggestion we ditch favours,-: I'm never that bothered about them, but she thinks people will find it rude.

Also, are you offended when receiving an evening only invite or is it fine? We want to keep numbers at the ceremony smaller as DP is quite shy.

We won't be able to stretch to a free bar all day/night, so that's a no no.

Thank you for participating in my research.

OP posts:
Underfrighter · 19/04/2022 18:26

Nobody gives a shit about favours. If you do end up doing them, do a miniature bottle so they will actually get used, or a fancy chocolate or something. I can't remember the favours from any wedding I've been to

Also somewhere that's not too hard to get to or without alternative cheap accommodation nearby

Ponderingwindow · 19/04/2022 18:26

Food, seating, non-alcoholic drinks freely available. Not excessively hot or cold.

Seriously, just basic comfort is what most guests care about. I personally also love wedding favors, but I would much rather always be able to get a glass of water, something that is often surprisingly difficult to come by at wedding receptions.

SillySallySassySausage · 19/04/2022 18:26

Don't bother with speeches. Cringey, long and can be extremely tedious.
Plus every best man I've ever known has been so nervous about it, they don't enjoy the day.

ddl1 · 19/04/2022 18:27

Food, seats, friendliness, and lack of obsessing about how people will look in the photos.

bluechameleon · 19/04/2022 18:27

Plenty of food. No long boring waits for photos etc. Plenty of seats for the evening bit. I don't care about favours.

gunterlunch · 19/04/2022 18:28

At a recent wedding the hosts provided a basket of cheap flip flops (Primark, I think), so the ladies could take off their stilettos and dance and relax in the evening - a cheap thing to do, but everybody appreciated the thoughtfulness.

TenoringBehind · 19/04/2022 18:28

Food
Not too much waiting around for photos
Things like wedding favours annoy me - waste of money and more stuff for landfill.

wonkygorgeous · 19/04/2022 18:28

Another thing we really enjoyed was a wedding that had a multi 'tiered' fresh cream and fruit cake for the wedding cake.

This was cut and served as pudding, it was delicious and saved on a whole course so was less expensive overall.

Sexnotgender · 19/04/2022 18:28

Honestly couldn’t give a shiny shite about favours.

Please feed your guests properly.

Last wedding I went to, ceremony was at 12, so guests probably last ate at 10.30/11 or even earlier.

We got food at 6 fucking pm. I was ready to eat the table. There was absolutely nothing on offer between the ceremony and dinner.

Cakecakecheese · 19/04/2022 18:28

Favours aren't necessary, although if you go for mini eggs or something else yum they'll go down well. My friend had homemade brownies at hers which were nice but honestly don't feel obliged to provide any.

rookiemere · 19/04/2022 18:29

1.No interest in favours unless it's something personal about the couple like a nice picture or something. Ditto interest in room decoration.

  1. Don't need a free bar, but I do prefer a decent amount of wine on the table and for toasting.
  1. Feed people whenever you can even if it feels too often. So we had canapés in the afternoon, wedding meal from about 6 and an evening buffet. Also let people know rough meal times and order of events.
  1. Make sure the music is not too loud - we spent most of a great wedding outside the main hall because the Bootleg Beatles ( which cost a fortune) were too loud.
  1. Speeches- keep em as short as possible, particularly if they are before the meal. If they are before the meal then see 2 - you really need to provide some wine for your guests.
  1. Evening invites- personally I'm fine with them, I invited quite a few people and their partners to the evening part of my wedding and many of them came which was great. If people are coming in the evening then they should get at least one drink - we had loads of wine leftover - and something to eat - evening buffet.

I've not been to a wedding for ages. A good wedding is great fun as a guest to attend.

Nopetryagain · 19/04/2022 18:30

Feeding people frequently and generously is the most important thing imo.

I agree a timetable really helps as people know when food and drink is coming. We had a large welcome blackboard with a breakdown of the day.

If you are having favours make it something edible otherwise most will just be left behind.

Evening invites are fine for locals but not anyone who needs to travel.

I think a good live band really makes everyone want to dance compared to a DJ. It’s more money but so much more enjoyable and worth it!

Enjoy your wedding OP!

LynetteScavo · 19/04/2022 18:30

I don't want to stand around in the cold.

I don't want to be hungry.

I don't want to be bored.

I don't want to have to put money in an envelope, I'd much rather chose something from gift list.

I don't want the music to be so loud I can't hear what anybody says.

ColourfulOnesie · 19/04/2022 18:31

Food
Also access to the nutritional content of the food (I appreciate this one is quite niche but I have children with allergies and the amount of times I’ve asked if a meal contains something to be met with a blank stare is infuriating)
Not too much waiting around
Atmosphere! I recently went to a wedding where the lights stayed on all night and it absolutely zapped any semblance of atmosphere, hardly anybody danced and there was only about 8 people left by 10pm!

lanbro · 19/04/2022 18:31

Enough food, enough to drink (doesn't have to be free but access to the bar - I did a reading at a wedding and would've liked a calming drink beforehand but the bar wasn't open until after the ceremony)

Not to much hanging around and if there is to feed and water guests - went to a multimillionaire's wedding, photos took forever and they ran out of canapés and drinks before the bar opened. They also had 1 bottle of red and white per table of 8, ran out straightaway

Ridiculously long speeches, so boring

Rubbish seating plans to mix things up - just pit people with other people they know!

But really the most important thing is feed and water!

TenoringBehind · 19/04/2022 18:31

Don’t like evening only invites and tiers of guests. I’d probably turn that down unless I was particularly fond of the couple.

MuthaHubbard · 19/04/2022 18:31

Food/nibbles
Drink (fair priced bar always goes down well)
Good music/band etc for evening

Don't care about favours/chair covers/decor etc or if just invited to night do.

Seeing a couple in love and enjoying their day with friends and family is awesome

EmpressaurusWitchDoesntBurn · 19/04/2022 18:32

I do prefer table service as I find during buffets any vegetarian dishes will get polished off before the actual vegetarians can eat.

This. Also makes it far simpler to cater for guests with allergies who then don’t need to worry about cross-contamination.

DontCallMeBaby · 19/04/2022 18:33

Plan it out, think about it from the guests’ perspective, and tell them what to expect. Then you don’t fall into the trap someone mentioned of thinking it’s only a couple of hours without food, when it’s actually five cos that person had to travel. And you don’t fail to notice that while you’re having pics taken everyone else is doing … nothing.

If people know what to expect, they can plan round it if there’s anything that doesn’t work for them. I always hated going to a wedding and realising there was a huge gap with nothing to do, and I’d genuinely have taken a book and a snack if I’d known … the standout one being when the photos took so long some of us went to the chippy and the couple never even knew.

LynetteScavo · 19/04/2022 18:33

I don't care about favours or the flowers.

I do like to come away with some lovely photos. I like decent wine, not shit that makes me cough and splutter.

Kite22 · 19/04/2022 18:33

I love a wedding.
Agree with most here.

I like enough food.
The venue have enough flexibility to cope with people wanting normal things any caterer should provide - more gravy, water on the table, or a decaff coffee.
I - like most - don't like loads of waiting around. If there is some waiting around, as others say, somewhere to sit and to be able to buy a cuppa or a drink if you want.
I don't expect the hosts to provide a free bar - indeed, in 45 years of going to weddings, it isn't something I have ever come across - but it does annoy me when a venue charges twice the price of anywhere else because they have got you as a captive audience.

Nobody needs or even wants favours.
Nobody notices the chair decorations or the miniature detail in flowers or balloons or decorations and so forth.

rainyskylight · 19/04/2022 18:33

I think it’s just really important to put the guests comfort first. We rented a couple of buses to get people between the church and venue (20-25mins) and handed out drinks refreshments for people to have en route. The groomsmen then went up and down the aisle with the photography list to identify family for the photographs. Everyone piled out at the reception venue and we had a big group photo with everyone on the steps, and then everyone who wasn’t family or wedding party immediately went in for drinks and nibbles. We rattled through the photographs going to smaller and smaller groups, sending people in asap, until it was just B&G left. I felt it was important that people didn’t hang around for longer than necessary and wanted them inside eating canapés!

We also split the speeches to the bride’s side before dinner and the groom’s after, to avoid people getting bored of 4 speeches one after the other when they really just want to stretch their legs and go pee.

MintyGreenDream · 19/04/2022 18:33

The only decent favour I've ever had was a little bag with a miniature spirit in and a scratchcard,I won £15 🥳

MuthaHubbard · 19/04/2022 18:34

Our version of 'favours' was a massive jar of sweets and a selection of boozy miniatures on each table (gin/vodka/jagers etc)

Dora33 · 19/04/2022 18:37

One of the nicest weddings I went to as a evening guest, they had a welcoming free drink of champagne/ selection of bottles beers on ice in the area just as we went into the wedding room. Also had ensured there were plenty of tables & seats for the evening guests. Evening guests were groups of friends or extended family ie cousins. So meant we could sit with our group of friends. Also the hotel ensured we all had enough food from the evening buffet.
Was also handy for bride & groom for saying hello/ chatting to us all.