Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what wedding guests actually find important?

741 replies

Scarfmisuseissues · 19/04/2022 17:54

Might regret this knowing how anti-wedding MN can be but here goes! Am in early stages of wedding planning and want to focus our budget on things that will actually make our guests day more enjoyable, as we recognise there's a significant cost/effort involved in attending to celebrate with us.

As a wedding guest, what details/gestures etc are actually important to you, and what could you not give a crap about?

For example, MIL was horrified at my suggestion we ditch favours,-: I'm never that bothered about them, but she thinks people will find it rude.

Also, are you offended when receiving an evening only invite or is it fine? We want to keep numbers at the ceremony smaller as DP is quite shy.

We won't be able to stretch to a free bar all day/night, so that's a no no.

Thank you for participating in my research.

OP posts:
RedWreck · 19/04/2022 18:14

Later afternoon ceremony, then the meal blends easily into the evening do without a long wait with nothing going on.
Definitely ditch favours, my SIL was a bit upset at her dd's wedding to see all the favours she'd made being left behind & thrown away.
Yes to enough food & not having to wait too long, my db took the absolute piss at his wedding & we were very hungry!
Don't mind a cash bar but very nice to have a drink on arrival & wine/soft drinks etc at the meal.

BlackeyedSusan · 19/04/2022 18:14

We had a very tight budget.

We did one meal no evening do.
No favours
Flowers in church were done by a friend with flowers from the market and foliage from the garden. and then these were bunched up for mothers of bride and groom.
Kept the guest list small,
Drinks for toast and soft drinks.(rule of the church halls)
Buffet with enough food. (My cousin's self catered one was by far better than any catered one I have been to)

Dress was reasonably cheap comparitively
Bridesmaid had a dress we chose colours around. I was bridesmaid to someone who chose a simple dress. One bridesmaid. Do your own hair and makeup.simple bouquet.
Friend made the cake as a present. You could bake your own.

Focus on food at a reasonable time, near transport, enough food. Eg cake while waiting for photos. Not too much waiting around. We picked a time where people ate lunch before they came.

C25kBecky · 19/04/2022 18:14

Plenty of food &d rink, no waiting around for ages, no boring speeches.

fizzyfood · 19/04/2022 18:15

Enough food
Enough seats for evening guests
Good selection of alcohol
Not too many photos, waiting around at a wedding is boring

Riverlee · 19/04/2022 18:16

@MadameFantabulosa

If you are going to spend forever having photos taken, please provide your guests with the following, in this order:

Somewhere to sit, and with seats. We don’t want to sit on the floor or on stairs.

Something to drink. Water or soft drinks or tea and coffee are fine.

Something to eat. Crisps, nuts, canapés.

This!
AliceW89 · 19/04/2022 18:16

Ideally, the best weddings I’ve been too do away with the long gap between the ceremony and whatever the next planned thing is, usually the wedding breakfast and the speeches. Likewise, no long gap between the meal and the evening do.
If you need a long gap for photos or whatever, lots of canapés and reception drinks and maybe some form of entertainment (went to a wedding a few weeks ago with a saxophonist which was good fun)
If you can stretch to it, a live band in the evening is absolutely brilliant and gets people on the dance floor more than a DJ.
Nobody notices the small details. The top 3 things are good, drink and entertainment (in my mind)

FridayBluezzzz · 19/04/2022 18:17

Food
More food in the evening when people have had a drink
Somewhere to sit, somewhere to sit that’s quiet if that’s what you want.
Not being left for hours whilst b&g go for photos with nothing to do. A timetable of what’s happening helps here. If there’s hours between service and food - tell people and they can piss off and do something (eat) rather than sitting and waiting for you with no clue what’s happening.
Drink with dinner
Greet your evening guests. Don’t just let them wander in then completely ignore them (this has happened to me)
Favours are a waste of time I think.
Sit people with people they know and not strangers because you think it’s fun to ‘mix it up’ it’s not.

Fireyflies · 19/04/2022 18:18

Would also second the suggestion of as short a sit down time as possible. Having desert and/or coffe afterwards as mill around time helps. And if you do have several people making speeches, make sure they coordinate. One of the most tedious weddings I went to involved speeches from about 6 people all of whom took about 10 minutes each thanking everyone...

Mumdiva99 · 19/04/2022 18:19

I actually think you should trim the guest list rather than invite all the old family friends because you think you should. Someone said to me - would you pay for their meal in a restaurant? And have you eaten with them in the last XX months - if the answer is no and no, why invited them?

Firelogbridge · 19/04/2022 18:19

Food & Entertainment and no really long waits are my most important bits

GoFishandChips · 19/04/2022 18:19

I don't want to be hungry, thirsty or cold/hot and I don't want to be standing around for too long.

HippeePrincess · 19/04/2022 18:19

Food, it’s nearly always too late and often not enough, the times I’ve been to weddings and I’ve been absolutely starving almost the whole time. I’ve been to weddings where the food has run out which was awful, it was miles from anywhere so you couldn’t get anything else, it was an early wedding with a later afternoon meal and no evening food or snacks. Also it was freezing in a marquee, no heaters!

I hate not having a seating plan, it’s awkward. Also awkward when there’s not enough seats to sit and eat your meal.

Don’t give a shit about favours or table decorations, sometimes they look great but you can’t even get your plate and glass on the table.

StationaryMagpie · 19/04/2022 18:20

Enough food.. went to one wedding where there wasn't nearly enough and ended up having to go to the chippy down the road, then just went home.

Enough seats that everyone can sit down without having a book a slot.

I like favours, but keep it something fun like bubbles or some little sweets/chocolates, or a little keep sake of the wedding (i have a scrap book lol)

Outside that, no long gaps being kept standing/hanging around
Don't sit me with someone i don't know. (my idea of hell)
Plenty to drink/affordable bar.

IF you're inviting kids, have a table with some colouring books/crayons to give the little ones something to do.

We put a cheapish bottle of white/red on each table and then once those were gone, people had to pay at the bar.

I don't mind evening invites, i don't see why people get shitty about them... the service is boring, the evening party is where its at.

Limer · 19/04/2022 18:20

Favours are a waste, most are left behind at the end of the night.

Evening invitation is most welcome, a whole day is far too tedious!

Whatsmyname100 · 19/04/2022 18:20

Very considerate to ask op. As much as it is bridal couples day, without the guests it's just not a great day is it. We also put our guests considerations ahead of our own. We chose a venue that was convenient to most of the guests. We researched and attached extremely reasonable accommodation options for those that lived far away. We had plenty of food, lots of entertainment and even a section to keep the children busy. I know that now alot is kid free, but do consider that it's is just such an inconvenience to arrange childcare. We also didn't have seating arrangements so people sat as they came in. It was kind of funny as work colleagues sat at the front while important family members were further away 🤣. We did very practical favors, not personalized and something everyone loved. I had a very traditional, cultural and huge wedding. My guests having a good day was very important to me. 12 years later and people still talk about what a good day it was. You can have a destination honeymoon and spare no expenses but just please consider that weddings are expensive (financially, annual leave, time) so make it as stress free for your guests.

thinkfast · 19/04/2022 18:21

I appreciate:

Plenty of food and drink
Not too much waiting around
Reasonable length of speeches
Relaxed / fun atmosphere

I hate 2 tier weddings where second class guests get an evening only invitation. I always decline these.

I'm not fussed about favours.

Classicblunder · 19/04/2022 18:22

Decent food - I am vegetarian and the food at weddings has been quite variable especially quantity

Cash bar is fine but it's helpful to know in advance

Evening invites - think it's ok as long as evening guests still get some hospitality (food/drink), can feel quite unwelcoming if you turn up when everyone else has had a lot of nice food and drink and you just get the cash bar. I also think it feels rude if it's only a few people - I went to one wedding where there were about 200 guests and only about 10 were excluded from the wedding breakfast (invited to the ceremony and then back after 3 hours for the evening).

Riverlee · 19/04/2022 18:23
  • Not eating the wedding breakfast at a silly time, ie. 3.30pm. I like to eat my lunch at lunchtime!
  • wedding favours, not needed. Also sweet trolleys etc, not needed.
  • children at weddings - love to see children at weddings (and easier for guests)

Been to two weddings recently. The things I will remember from the first were the beautiful flowers, and catching up with relatives. The second wedding was memorable for the little personal touches, and because it wasn’t over the top. Ie. Friends open top high-end sports car was the wedding car etc.

rainyskylight · 19/04/2022 18:23

Convenience. I live in a city and we had the wedding in the city. 80% of our guests could take public transport home or a cheap taxi. Those who travelled from further afield had many options for accommodation at their preferred price point. Everyone showed up well rested, in a good mood and ready to have an amazing time. We had incredible feedback and the most enjoyable day. I genuinely think it’s down to everyone not secretly resenting the B&G for hauling them out to the arse end of nowhere so they can sleep in a lumpy bed and spend hundreds of pounds and their annual leave.

Livpool · 19/04/2022 18:24

Booze (especially what is free!)
Not hanging round (usually standing without any food) while photographs are done
Food
Enjoying a couple they like's big day

emeraldcity2000 · 19/04/2022 18:24

Could you swap a formal sit down meal for something like a hog roast? Cheaper and usually better. And then you can afford more booze!
Music - my favourite weddings all had bands rather than dj.
No long speeches or posed photos.

MintyGreenDream · 19/04/2022 18:25

Food,food,food and booze.
I don't expect a free bar but I do expect a bit of something if the meal is a few hours after the guests arrive.I went to one recently where we arrived at 4 and ate at 8.30.Everyone was pissed x

MintyGreenDream · 19/04/2022 18:25

Sorry for the random X !

wonkygorgeous · 19/04/2022 18:25

Weddings I have enjoyed have had a nice selection of sweet shop pick and mix.

They have had formal and informal gathering areas to mingle.

Having bowls of small snacking items dotted around bar areas. As well as more formal canapés.

Having an area away from music in the evening for older guests to talk. For some this might be the last time they come together as an extended family. Being able to talk to loved ones and not have a banging disco in their ear is important.

ComDummings · 19/04/2022 18:26

1 - no long waits. An hour while the bride and groom go and get photos done just drags and is so boring.
2 - must be well fed.

That’s it, don’t care about anything else.