To ask what wedding guests actually find important?

[Scarfmisuseissues]

Might regret this knowing how anti-wedding MN can be but here goes! Am in early stages of wedding planning and want to focus our budget on things that will actually make our guests day more enjoyable, as we recognise there's a significant cost/effort involved in attending to celebrate with us.

As a wedding guest, what details/gestures etc are actually important to you, and what could you not give a crap about?

For example, MIL was horrified at my suggestion we ditch favours,-: I'm never that bothered about them, but she thinks people will find it rude.

Also, are you offended when receiving an evening only invite or is it fine? We want to keep numbers at the ceremony smaller as DP is quite shy.

We won't be able to stretch to a free bar all day/night, so that's a no no.

Thank you for participating in my research.

Nice food. Canape type food in the evening, when there is more moving around etc. Definitely not hanging around whilst photos are taken. If most photos are taken at reception venue then you can at least provide drinks/nibbles and seating whilst photos are done.

Lots of food, lots of booze, seats, and good company. I don't mind being sat with some people I do not know, but ultimately things are always better when sitting with friends.

I don't mind favours if they're not tat but im not fussed whether they are there or not. I've been to weddings with really naff favours, I don't want a magnet or key ring with someone else's wedding date/ name on

We did cheap £1 scratch cards and some one I knew did lucky dip lotto tickets. £1 a head is nothing compared to what some people spend. Some people won a few quid which was nice and it's not pointless tat that will get binned or sweets.

Five hours is a long event. People get tired, they have travel as well, or they have to find childcare. Most people don't want much more than that. Even if there is a lot of family gathering and people want to catch up, often they'd rather do it more casually on their own time.

Hi everyone - I can't thank you enough for all your input, it's given us a lot to think about!

We had a long discussion yesterday and we have come up with the following plan - please let me know what you think.

• Late morning register office legal ceremony with immediate family only - my sister, BIL and nieces, his parents, sister and BIL and nieces, my children.

• Nice lunch at lovely hotel v local to chosen venue, we will also book ourselves a suite for the night.

• off to chosen venue (it's a pier with lovely inside space that used to be a nightclub) for about 5pm to meet all our guests. Humanist blessing ceremony, photos on the pier and an ice cream bike for guests to enjoy whilst those are happening, and provide some fizz or a cocktail.

• reception with music from some friends who are professional DJs - they play a lot of 60s/70s, northern soul etc.

• substantial buffet to keep everyone fed.

• finances depending we hope to put some money behind the bar for everyone to have at least 1 additional drink on us for the evening.

• instead of a wedding cake, a big stack of doughnuts. Plan is to provide cardboard trays and some sauce for dipping for everyone to enjoy one during the evening.

• everyone fucks off at midnight.

No chair covers, no favours, no evening only invite, lots of good, hopefully not too much hanging around for people.

Would love your thoughts!

Sounds fabulous.

No long gaps, or something to do in the gaps - giant Jenga, silly quizzes, bubbles for the kids, etc. Good band or DJ. Evening only invite is fine for a wedding close enough to home, but I wouldnt travel far for one. Wine with the meal provided then pay bar after is fine. Vegan options for food.

That’s my kind of wedding @Scarfmisuseissues. It sounds perfect.

Your plan sounds lovely!

Your plan sounds great!

Sounds really good OP. I can't think of anything to improve it. Hope it goes well and that the sun shines.

Sounds like the sort of wedding I'd love to go to!!

Sounds lovely.

Personally my dp knows that when we get round to it the wedding itself will be immediate close family and best friends. The reception will only involve family we actually speak to regularly and friends we see alot. Don't bother inviting distant cousins etc because someone says you must. Dps mum thinks his cousins should all be invited etc. I pointed out that we have been together 13 years and some of these cousins i met once at his aunts wedding. No chance will we be spending a fortune inviting them. Couldn't care less about a sit down meal. We're thinking fish and chip van or something alike. A lot cheaper than the price per head and people can pick what they prefer. Dj or playlist it doesn't matter. If its a venue with a bar personally we always expect to be paying for drinks so I wouldn't worry about that. Do what suits you and your budget. I would say not bothered about favours. However the best wedding we went to put together little activity packs for younger children. Think small colouring book and crayons, bubbles yoyo etc. It was brilliant as it kept kids had even had a footy table on you of a normal table for kids to play(along with a few of the dads)

Your plans sound excellent, scarfmisuseissues. It's an excellent solution to the evening invite only dilemma. Most importantly, it sounds fun. Hope you have a wonderful day!

@Scarfmisuseissues your wedding plans sound fantastic, really fun! Huge Congrats to you and DH to be. Have a wonderful day 👰‍♀️🤵‍♂️💞