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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find my 10 year old niece obnoxious

205 replies

Fawncard · 19/04/2022 15:15

I love my 10 yo niece with all my heart but sometimes I don't like her very much.

I can't really explain it but it's like her personality is a little off. She comes across as very loud and almost arrogant when I know in reality she is actually a very insecure child.
I took her to the cinema at the weekend and during parts of the movie she shouted out unfunny "jokes" I asked her to stop as she was disturbing other patrons but she continued to do it a few times and afterwards I heard her telling her mother (who wasn't with us) how everybody in the cinema was laughing at her jokes Hmm
If we are out for a family meal she will dominate conversation and ask to sing which her parents always shush the adults to allow her to sing (she has a decent singing voice but does anyone in a restaurant want to hear a 10 year old singing Ed sheeran songs!!)
She doesn't have many friends at all and a lot of my friends kids actively dislike her.
She is not my kid so I don't know how I'm supposed to help here? And can you even help if a kids personality is like this? Her parents think she is the best thing since Sliced bread

OP posts:
2reefsin30knots · 19/04/2022 15:20

Sounds like her parents are the issue TBH as they are not giving her clear feedback about how to behave socially.

Not sure there is anything you can do about it.

Chikapu · 19/04/2022 15:22

You should have taken her out of the cinema when she wouldn't shut up, she probably ruined the film for other people.
Literally, no one wants to hear her singing when they're trying to enjoy a meal either.
Her parents are encouraging her to be obnoxious to her detriment, maybe try talking to them.

Georgeskitchen · 19/04/2022 15:23

How irritating that everyone has to be quiet while she sings. She, as well as her parents, obviously thinks she's the best thing since sliced bread. Is she an only child?

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 19/04/2022 15:24

It's her parents who are the problem, not her.

SaggyBlinders · 19/04/2022 15:25

I took her to the cinema at the weekend and during parts of the movie she shouted out unfunny "jokes" I asked her to stop as she was disturbing other patrons but she continued to do it a few times and afterwards I heard her telling her mother (who wasn't with us) how everybody in the cinema was laughing at her jokes

This is so weird. She's 10, she should be able to sit through a film by now. Our niece is 10, and if she did this repeatedly in a cinema then we would leave. Poor kid as her parents don't seem to be helping.

Underhisi · 19/04/2022 15:25

Sounds to me like she could have social communication and interaction difficulties although her parents are not managing situations as well as they could. 10 year olds generally have more understanding of how they appear to others.

Maydaysoonenough · 19/04/2022 15:25

If you have long ish hair op take some airpods and listen to something other than your diva dn.. She sounds exhausting..

ForeverLooking · 19/04/2022 15:25

If I'd have taken her to the cinema and she kept shouting out she would have had a final warning then we would have left. She's ten, not a baby. I would also have told her mum that other people were not finding her funny and were annoyed at her shouting during the film. It's not up to you to solve this one, just don't take her out again. Her parents are setting her up for issues in the future. I'd imagine she will be knocked down a peg or two in secondary. Hopefully this won't involve her being bullied which would be a concern for me. It's good that she is confident, she just needs help to channel it on the right direction at the right time and learn some humility. If she doesn't already, drama or singing classes. This is a parent problem though, not the kid.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 19/04/2022 15:26

@Georgeskitchen

How irritating that everyone has to be quiet while she sings. She, as well as her parents, obviously thinks she's the best thing since sliced bread. Is she an only child?
My ds is a single child and never behaved like that,thank you very much!
Underhisi · 19/04/2022 15:28

I mentioned the difficulties above because my niece can behave in similar ways if not managed by adults although she is getting better at understanding.

AryaStarkWolf · 19/04/2022 15:28

A lot of 10 year olds are annoying tbf but yeah her parents should be helping her become less annoying by not indulging the attention seeking so much

Original poster
Fawncard · 19/04/2022 15:28

I agree I should have taken her out of the cinema. Id say the other families were cursing me. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, the thing is she doesn't get to go many places her parents don't have much money and don't take the kids out very much so I like to treat her when I can but her increasingly strange behaviour makes me not want to do that anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fawncard · 19/04/2022 15:29

She's not an only child she is eldest of 4

OP posts:
Lunalae · 19/04/2022 15:32

High school will kick her arse. She'll probably change then; she won't want to be hated.

Her parents are doing her no favours. Ten years old and still shouting out like a toddler! Sad, really. Once it's no longer 'cute', you're just a nuisance.

AryaStarkWolf · 19/04/2022 15:34

@ForeverLooking

If I'd have taken her to the cinema and she kept shouting out she would have had a final warning then we would have left. She's ten, not a baby. I would also have told her mum that other people were not finding her funny and were annoyed at her shouting during the film. It's not up to you to solve this one, just don't take her out again. Her parents are setting her up for issues in the future. I'd imagine she will be knocked down a peg or two in secondary. Hopefully this won't involve her being bullied which would be a concern for me. It's good that she is confident, she just needs help to channel it on the right direction at the right time and learn some humility. If she doesn't already, drama or singing classes. This is a parent problem though, not the kid.
Yeah, they really are to blame here by allowing her to carrying on like that and it's actually very unfair on the girl because she'll end up with no friends. Spoiling a child and never correcting them isn't being good parents, it's easier but you'll end with a kid no one likes or wants to be around and that's so unfair on the child
SaggyBlinders · 19/04/2022 15:34

Be firm but fair with her OP. Next time you take her to the cinema, say to her about how everybody needs to be quiet in the cinema, other people have paid to see the film and should be able to watch it in peace, and if she shouts out again then you will have to leave. She needs to learn boundaries and consequences, and that other people are not always interested in what she has to say about things.

Original poster
Fawncard · 19/04/2022 15:35

@Lunalae

High school will kick her arse. She'll probably change then; she won't want to be hated.

Her parents are doing her no favours. Ten years old and still shouting out like a toddler! Sad, really. Once it's no longer 'cute', you're just a nuisance.

I'm really afraid of this that she'll be hated by her friends in high school. She's a bright kid, but her parents think she is a genius and basically tell her as much so she often comes off as if she is better than everyone else the funniest, the smartest, the most talented..... that's not a good look
OP posts:
ilovebencooper · 19/04/2022 15:37

@Georgeskitchen

How irritating that everyone has to be quiet while she sings. She, as well as her parents, obviously thinks she's the best thing since sliced bread. Is she an only child?
I have an only child and she would chew her own arm off rather than behave this way.
ForeverLooking · 19/04/2022 15:38

You could treat her with some activities that are more one on one so she doesn't feel the need to perform so much? Being 10 I would imagine she would get it if you then kindly explained what was appropriate and what was not and why. It doesn't have to involve you shouting at her or being unkind. She needs to understand the time and the place situation. Does she do any kind of activities with other children? Anything after school? I think underneath she is probably seeking validation from other people.

ilovebencooper · 19/04/2022 15:38

OP it does sound as though she has some social communications difficulties. There's really nothing you can do it's up to her parents and the school. But I think you can be supportive and loving to her and she will need you a lot by the sounds of things.

MsTSwift · 19/04/2022 15:38

It’s bad parenting setting her up to be rejected by her peer group.

catscatscatseverywhere · 19/04/2022 15:39

I feel for you, but unless her parents start noticing the problem, there's nothing you can do. Otherwise you're going to fall out with them. Btw. singing Ed Sheeran songs in a restaurant made me chuckle.

Original poster
Fawncard · 19/04/2022 15:42

@ForeverLooking

You could treat her with some activities that are more one on one so she doesn't feel the need to perform so much? Being 10 I would imagine she would get it if you then kindly explained what was appropriate and what was not and why. It doesn't have to involve you shouting at her or being unkind. She needs to understand the time and the place situation. Does she do any kind of activities with other children? Anything after school? I think underneath she is probably seeking validation from other people.
She had been involved in a drama and dance club but I don't think she's going to that anymore I'm not sure why. I think maybe just pizza and movie in my place will be the way to go moving forward.
OP posts:
tkwal · 19/04/2022 15:42

She's the eldest of 4 ? To me that explains her apparent need to seek attention . I kind of feel sorry for her to be honest but her parents really need to give her more of their attention so she doesn't continue to "show off"

NotSure94 · 19/04/2022 15:43

My son was diagnosed as autistic at 11 at which point the "silly" lack of impulse control type behaviour that wasn't as noticeable with a little boy became more obviously inappropriate. Obv she might just have an irritating personality and indulgent parents but I expect my son was judged similarly a hundred times and nothing I could do would get him to stop shouting out etc. My other son never did anything like that so I promise you I'm not a (totally) rubbish parent! Some things that help him control his urges in public are things to fiddle with - light switches used to help a bit (new ones out of a packet not flicking the one on the wall - that would be even more annoying!) It was and is worse when he's outside of his routine in unpredictable scenarios, I wonder if she's as random when she's just at home?

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