To find my 10 year old niece obnoxious

[Fawncard]

I love my 10 yo niece with all my heart but sometimes I don't like her very much.

I can't really explain it but it's like her personality is a little off. She comes across as very loud and almost arrogant when I know in reality she is actually a very insecure child.
I took her to the cinema at the weekend and during parts of the movie she shouted out unfunny "jokes" I asked her to stop as she was disturbing other patrons but she continued to do it a few times and afterwards I heard her telling her mother (who wasn't with us) how everybody in the cinema was laughing at her jokes
If we are out for a family meal she will dominate conversation and ask to sing which her parents always shush the adults to allow her to sing (she has a decent singing voice but does anyone in a restaurant want to hear a 10 year old singing Ed sheeran songs!!)
She doesn't have many friends at all and a lot of my friends kids actively dislike her.
She is not my kid so I don't know how I'm supposed to help here? And can you even help if a kids personality is like this? Her parents think she is the best thing since Sliced bread

This sounds like mild autism to me

There's no such thing as 'mild autism'
To be diagnosed with autism, someone needs to meet this criteria
"The DSM-5 Manual defines autism spectrum disorder as “persistent difficulties with social communication and social interaction” and “restricted and repetitive patterns of behaviours, activities or interests” (this includes sensory behaviour), present since early childhood, to the extent that these “limit and impair everyday functioning”.
Source www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/diagnostic-criteria/all-audiences

Note to the extent that these “limit and impair everyday functioning”

None of that is 'mild' in any way and to suggest that autism is 'mild' is frankly ableist.

She's very lucky to have an Aunt like you and I agree with others who advise taking her to some outdoor activity if possible, or swimming indoors, ice-skating, ten-pin bowling. Maybe you could let her choose as her treat with the proviso that she doesn't start impromptu singing or telling jokes. I'm sure she appreciates the one on one attention you offer. Have fun.

Thank you, I'm glad you said it!

As above, there is no "mild" autism. We don't use "high functioning" or "low functioning" labels either. A diagnosis of autism isn't tiered and the spectrum isn't linear, it's more of a circle where everyone has individual strengths and weaknesses.

I, personally, have fairly low support needs but describing myself as "high functioning" or "mildly autistic" would be incredibly othering and ableist. It's the same reason that Aspergers is no longer given as a diagnosis (I mean, aside from the fact that Hans Asperger was a n*zi). If you meet the criteria of the DSM-5, you will be diagnosed with autism regardless of your support needs.

Parents are spoiling the little madam. But, when she's with you, your rules. If she's inappropriate in the cinema, walk out with her, she'll learn. In restaurants, if she offers to sing, again walk out. She's an embarrassment, I wouldn't put up with it, no matter what your sibling thinks of you.

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