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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Man I Barely Know Behaving A Bit Strangely

192 replies

SucculentChalice · 18/04/2022 20:24

Thoughts on this situation please? I do a hobby and a mutual friend decided to have a party and invite some of us who do the hobby to it. She set up a WhatsApp group for all who were coming so we could arrange lift shares etc as she lives about 8 miles south of the city. I live south of the city but closer to town, so I messaged on the group that I could give a lift to anyone who lived on that side of town to hers for the party, since I don't usually drink.

A man, lets call him Charles, messaged me privately to say could he please have a lift. I asked him where he lived and it was in the north of the city, which is a 35- 40 minute drive in the wrong direction for me. So an extra hour and 20 minutes in total there and back, right through the city itself.

I messaged him back to say that I was only able to give people lifts who lift on the same side as me, but I would ask another friend, lets call her Susan, who lived near him to give him a lift instead. No reply. In the meantime I had messaged Susan.

So at the party both were there and Susan told me she had indeed given him a lift. Charles spent much of the party going out of his way to glare at me sullenly, without speaking, and brushed past me a couple of times, nearly knocking a drink out of my hand and physically knocking into me the next time, so much so that someone I was talking to commented on it. It was very creepy, but I decided not to pay too much attention as I was having a good night.

The next time I did a competition with the hobby, he was there and he did the same thing, staring at me, almost menacingly, and deliberately walking past me a couple of times and bumping into me. At a further event last weekend, he did the same thing, but the bumping into me seemed even rougher and I shouted at him "what on earth do you think you are doing?" but he ignored me. Completely blanked me. No response. Didn't even look at me (which tbh made a change from the previous glaring).

What on earth is he up to? I barely know this man. I've seen him around at events but have never actually spoken to him. Is he dangerous? How do I stop him behaving like this? There is no sensible, central figure that I could speak to really to have a word with him and I have the feeling that people might think I'm making it up.

FWIW I have a partner who is currently working away, and I think Charles must know this, as he will have seen me with him previously.

OP posts:
VerifiedBot2351 · 18/04/2022 20:26

That’s very unnerving. Has no one else noticed?

Rekorderlig88 · 18/04/2022 20:26

Ignore ignore ignore.

SucculentChalice · 18/04/2022 20:28

@VerifiedBot2351

That’s very unnerving. Has no one else noticed?
Don't seem to have. Its parkrun, and everyone's busy warming up and chatting after the race, etc, and its over in seconds when he does it.
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Justkidding55 · 18/04/2022 20:29

I would call a non emergency police number asking for advice. Have it logged that you beleive it could be something or nothing but if it escalates you have it on record. Then if he further harassed you it would flag up and the response would be swifter and taken more seriously? X

Loopytiles · 18/04/2022 20:29

That’s awful.

Do not interact with Charles!

Would avoid him and report his behaviour to the competition and event organiser.

Would also tell Susan, in case he presents a danger to women.

Theimpossiblegirl · 18/04/2022 20:29

I wouldn't ignore. Who runs the group? I'd call him out and complain. This is not acceptable.

MarilynValentine · 18/04/2022 20:30

Mention it to as many people in the group you feel comfortable doing so with.

In fact make a WhatsApp group of those people and update them and say how freaked out you are by this man’s behaviour and how you would appreciate their support at the next gathering.

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 18/04/2022 20:30

Ignore him.

Porcupineintherough · 18/04/2022 20:33

A bit strangely? That's a lot strangely. And yes, you should definitely let people know it's happening.

PonyPatter44 · 18/04/2022 20:35

Play him at his own nasty game. Make sure your friends in the hobby group know about him, infer a lot but say nothing slanderous. Do childish things like looking at him, then nodding knowingly to your friend and laughing. He'll hate it.

I know some people will say deliberately provoking him is bad...and this advice may not work for you. I do not tolerate this sort of behaviour well, myself.

VerifiedBot2351 · 18/04/2022 20:35

I wouldn’t be surprised if other people have been treated similarly by him.

SucculentChalice · 18/04/2022 20:36

@Theimpossiblegirl

I wouldn't ignore. Who runs the group? I'd call him out and complain. This is not acceptable.
Its not a formal group or club, its just a collection of people who do the event regularly locally.

I think they might think I'm an attention seeking nutter if I mention it to them! Theres been a previous incident (not involving Charles) where a couple of women were repeatedly contacted by another man who wasn't even in any of the Whatsapp chats, and people were really slow to react to that and not particularly helpful (I thought).

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Aquamarine1029 · 18/04/2022 20:38

I wouldn't ignore. He's a bully and I would confront him very publicly, right to his face. I would also report him to the group organizer.

SucculentChalice · 18/04/2022 20:38

@PonyPatter44

Play him at his own nasty game. Make sure your friends in the hobby group know about him, infer a lot but say nothing slanderous. Do childish things like looking at him, then nodding knowingly to your friend and laughing. He'll hate it.

I know some people will say deliberately provoking him is bad...and this advice may not work for you. I do not tolerate this sort of behaviour well, myself.

Thats not a bad idea actually. I think he might back down if I stood up to him.

I don't know if he's done it before to anyone, he seems to be held in reasonably high esteem in the group. Although I don't think any of them know each other all that well.

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PleasantFucker · 18/04/2022 20:38

He sounds like a total knob end. He's enjoying trying to intimidate you because you're a woman, I'd bet money he wouldn't do this to a man.

Onlyforcake · 18/04/2022 20:38

Use the WhatsApp group to create a subgroup of 'safe' people and ask them to keep an eye out for you when he is around.

WomanStanleyWoman · 18/04/2022 20:39

As someone noticed at the party, could you tell that person and get his/her thoughts? They’ve seen it happen, so are unlikely to think you’re making up the further incidents.

Circumferences · 18/04/2022 20:40

Don't keep quiet about it.
Talk to the person who organised the party and the lady who gave him a lift and basically any one else who has interacted with this man...

This is exactly why women need same sex leisure activities! Men can be terrifying freaks!

FabFitFifties · 18/04/2022 20:40

Report to police for future reference. Tell your husband, and encourage his occasional attendance at runs and events. Warn Susan. Ignore him. He sounds very worrying - if his behaviour doesn't escalate with you, it will with someo e else. 💐

chisanunian · 18/04/2022 20:41

You spurned his advances and he's annoyed. How very dare you turn him down?

That's what's wrong with him.

Bastard.

LolaStrange · 18/04/2022 20:42

I agree you should tell people. Definitely Susan.

SucculentChalice · 18/04/2022 20:47

@chisanunian

You spurned his advances and he's annoyed. How very dare you turn him down?

That's what's wrong with him.

Bastard.

Yes, I think so. Although goodness knows what warped kind of mind he must have going on to think that a woman could be enticed by having to ferry him to and fro from parties!
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Georgeskitchen · 18/04/2022 20:50

He sounds horribly weird and menacing. Would your husband come along with you to an event?

SucculentChalice · 18/04/2022 20:51

@Georgeskitchen

He sounds horribly weird and menacing. Would your husband come along with you to an event?
Yes, he would. He's not back for another 3 weeks. But he shouldn't have to. And Charles will know why I've invited him along and I don't want to give him that recognition.
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Theunamedcat · 18/04/2022 20:52

Do you have a go pro? You can film the run? And any of his behaviour will be recorded too