Man I Barely Know Behaving A Bit Strangely

[SucculentChalice]

Thoughts on this situation please? I do a hobby and a mutual friend decided to have a party and invite some of us who do the hobby to it. She set up a WhatsApp group for all who were coming so we could arrange lift shares etc as she lives about 8 miles south of the city. I live south of the city but closer to town, so I messaged on the group that I could give a lift to anyone who lived on that side of town to hers for the party, since I don't usually drink.

A man, lets call him Charles, messaged me privately to say could he please have a lift. I asked him where he lived and it was in the north of the city, which is a 35- 40 minute drive in the wrong direction for me. So an extra hour and 20 minutes in total there and back, right through the city itself.

I messaged him back to say that I was only able to give people lifts who lift on the same side as me, but I would ask another friend, lets call her Susan, who lived near him to give him a lift instead. No reply. In the meantime I had messaged Susan.

So at the party both were there and Susan told me she had indeed given him a lift. Charles spent much of the party going out of his way to glare at me sullenly, without speaking, and brushed past me a couple of times, nearly knocking a drink out of my hand and physically knocking into me the next time, so much so that someone I was talking to commented on it. It was very creepy, but I decided not to pay too much attention as I was having a good night.

The next time I did a competition with the hobby, he was there and he did the same thing, staring at me, almost menacingly, and deliberately walking past me a couple of times and bumping into me. At a further event last weekend, he did the same thing, but the bumping into me seemed even rougher and I shouted at him "what on earth do you think you are doing?" but he ignored me. Completely blanked me. No response. Didn't even look at me (which tbh made a change from the previous glaring).

What on earth is he up to? I barely know this man. I've seen him around at events but have never actually spoken to him. Is he dangerous? How do I stop him behaving like this? There is no sensible, central figure that I could speak to really to have a word with him and I have the feeling that people might think I'm making it up.

FWIW I have a partner who is currently working away, and I think Charles must know this, as he will have seen me with him previously.

Next time he tries to knock you over while earning up, fall right on the floor and male a scene

I know you don't really want to drag other people in, but could you ask maybe an "outsider" friend to attend the park run, either on the sidelines or as a particpant, yet they are purely there to monitor you with a phone or gopro. If you don't acknowledge each other he will still think he is being sneaky when he approaches you that no-one is going to notice.... meanwhile stand on the outside of the group so he has to go out of his way. I would also be vocal every time he does it.

women put themselves at risk

But the risk is from a man, who is choosing to behave in an intimidating fashion. Not some ineffable , mysterious force that is somehow linked to women's behaviour.

What an absolute bastard. He should have been thanking you for organising his lift!
His reaction makes no sense at all, and he sounds absolutely unhinged.

@chisanunian

You spurned his advances and he's annoyed. How very dare you turn him down?

That's what's wrong with him.

Bastard.

That's not how I understood it. My interpretation was that he was annoyed that the OP didn't give him a lift. Either way, he sounds messed up.

That's awful OP, he's obvious a devious little sh!t who knows exactly what he's doing as you say he does it when no one is watching.
I wonder what his history is, he's joined a group with lots of women involved. It's true what is said women are conditioned not to make a fuss when men do these things as we are made out to be 'crazy". You should go to the run director which I'm sure every Parkrun should have one. I hope he gets what he deserves.

Say something EVERY time. Then, after a couple of times, I would say LOUDLY "Charles, will you PLEASE STOP brushing up against me! I've asked you so many times to stop! It's really inappropriate that I keep having to tell you this!"

He is trying to intimidate you and is doing this sneakily so that others might not notice. So make sure they do and he will probably back off. He's going to get himself a reputation of being a right creep!

@PinkSyCo

Crazy advice to ignore this man who is basically assaulting you. Ask him loudly what the fuck he is playing out each and every time he barges into you. You standing up for yourself, while also drawing other people’s attention to what he’s doing is more likely to stop his bullying behaviour than you being passive about it.

Absolutely this. Not making a fuss clearly isn't working.

As others have said, I'd raise it with various people at the run but I wouldn't talk about the lifts or party behaviour. Only because it does sound ridiculous, he is being aggressive because you did give him a lift? It's so bloody pretty of him that it makes it unbelievable. I would focus on, 'Charles appears to be deliberately bumping into me and it is making me very uncomfortable as well as being physically painful. What can be done about this?'

He's being very sinister, especially as it's ramping up. I would shout at him next time he does it, along the lines of "oww, that's about tenth times you've barged into me on purpose now, what is your problem?!" It sounds like you're cross enough to do it!

Definitely tell the RD. I’d also tell him “if you make physical contact again with me I’ll be reporting you to the police.”

This is a bad situation though. He seems mentally unwell.

I would contact the parkrun organiser by email so you’ve got it in writing and say you are being physically intimidated /harassed by another attendee and would welcome their advice and support on how to handle it informally before you are forced to contact the police.

@PearPickingPorky

Next time he tries to knock you over while earning up, fall right on the floor and male a scene

This is a v serious thread but this made me chuckle.

If you had the brass balls, flinging yourself on the floor next time he bumps into you and rolling about clutching your shin (a la footballers) and yelling and crying out would be priceless. When everyone rushes to you you call out ''Charles! CHARLES! He just pushed me over!''

I bet he wouldn't do it again.

(i know this is out of the question for 90% of us to carry off. I just think it would be great)

I really think it would be a mistake not to report him to the police. He sounds very angry and like he despises women, and if he does these things in plain sight of others who knows what he's capable of and has done or may do in future

@PonyPatter44

Play him at his own nasty game. Make sure your friends in the hobby group know about him, infer a lot but say nothing slanderous. Do childish things like looking at him, then nodding knowingly to your friend and laughing. He'll hate it.

I know some people will say deliberately provoking him is bad...and this advice may not work for you. I do not tolerate this sort of behaviour well, myself.

Don't do this. It is just childish, and will only provoke him.

@Hatinafield

I would contact the parkrun organiser by email so you’ve got it in writing and say you are being physically intimidated /harassed by another attendee and would welcome their advice and support on how to handle it informally before you are forced to contact the police.

This is by far the most sensible advice on the thread. Please ignore posters telling you to ignore him or to childishly make fun of him. Email the park run director and ask what their policy is for dealing with harassment. I know park run is not a running club but there are organisers, and you need to get their support. I also agree with calling him out every time he does it 'Charles, that's the tenth time you've barged me deliberately. Please stop that as it is now deliberate assault.'

Talk to the RD/ED they will speak to them. I know I am one and have done similar several times about shitty behaviour

Be very careful OP. He sounds like we he could end up stalking etc or put you at risk.

Seriously even if they don't react because they're not 'friends' tell others in the group.

I agree you should get out and join something else.

Take care and it def is worth buying a camera or alarm, I don't want to add fear to this conversation but I don't like this behaviour it send a shudder down my spine when I read your post x

Get a go pro and video everything. You say yo don’t want to but this is a good way to get evidence so you’re going to have to invest in your own protection I’m afraid.

The next time he barges into you, shout and fall onto the floor. Loudly. “Owwww. What are you doing? You’ve hurt me” clutching your arm or whatever. Every single time.

Do not let him force you out of the group. That’s what he’s trying to do. He’s a bully

@needmorethanthis

Get a go pro and video everything. You say yo don’t want to but this is a good way to get evidence so you’re going to have to invest in your own protection I’m afraid.

The next time he barges into you, shout and fall onto the floor. Loudly. “Owwww. What are you doing? You’ve hurt me” clutching your arm or whatever. Every single time.

Good advice. And when he plays it down – “don’t be dramatic, it was an accident”; “I think you tripped; look” and he’ll point to a random tree root or whatever – be very clear and loud:

“No, this is the third time you’ve pushed me. Stop.”

Run alongside others and ideally pair up with someone safe so there’s a regular witness to his behaviour (don’t know how park run works). Could you enlist the man and his wife who noted Charles’ weird behaviour at the party?

I think it's so interesting how women are intimidated and conditioned not to make a fuss... myself included! By wondering what you've done and second-guessing others' reactions you're doing his work for him. I would absolutely loudly describe what he's doing and call him out. Or if you have a friend who will witness, when he starts to stare go over and say "why are you staring at me? Please don't do that, and please don't barge into me as you have done for the last few runs-- it's really rude". But yes, as past posters have said, be loud. This kind of person hides behind our normal social inhibitions against apparent rudeness.

I think he wanted to hit on you during the lift that you were offering (prior to him being told that you wouldn't travel through the city and over to his place to pick him up) and this has put a MAJOR dent in his ego.
He's bumping in to you to attract your attention. He's being very childish about it too.

I would definitely mention it to the friends that you were at the party with, even if they don't want to get involved, they could be on the look out for his behaviour to you.
Mention it like "Have you seen the way that Charles barges in to me and just ignores me at warm-up time? It's very upsetting as he just completely blanks me and doesn't apologise or anything"

I would echo the suggestions of getting a GoPro (or similar) to record your runs going forward.

Best of luck to you getting this sorted.

Be more footballer. Next time he bumps into you, fly dramatically down to the ground, screaming and hold your ankle. Get everyone's attention and then cry and say that ever since you said you couldn't drive out of your way to pick him up, he's been bullying you like this and it's escalated yo hurting you.
He's doing everything subtlety to gaslight you so give him attention....

Fucking creep!!! Defo say something out loud next time. Also report to police. You never know what else might be on his record or what might come up in future. He sounds potentially dangerous if he got really fixated on someone.