Man I Barely Know Behaving A Bit Strangely

[SucculentChalice]

Thoughts on this situation please? I do a hobby and a mutual friend decided to have a party and invite some of us who do the hobby to it. She set up a WhatsApp group for all who were coming so we could arrange lift shares etc as she lives about 8 miles south of the city. I live south of the city but closer to town, so I messaged on the group that I could give a lift to anyone who lived on that side of town to hers for the party, since I don't usually drink.

A man, lets call him Charles, messaged me privately to say could he please have a lift. I asked him where he lived and it was in the north of the city, which is a 35- 40 minute drive in the wrong direction for me. So an extra hour and 20 minutes in total there and back, right through the city itself.

I messaged him back to say that I was only able to give people lifts who lift on the same side as me, but I would ask another friend, lets call her Susan, who lived near him to give him a lift instead. No reply. In the meantime I had messaged Susan.

So at the party both were there and Susan told me she had indeed given him a lift. Charles spent much of the party going out of his way to glare at me sullenly, without speaking, and brushed past me a couple of times, nearly knocking a drink out of my hand and physically knocking into me the next time, so much so that someone I was talking to commented on it. It was very creepy, but I decided not to pay too much attention as I was having a good night.

The next time I did a competition with the hobby, he was there and he did the same thing, staring at me, almost menacingly, and deliberately walking past me a couple of times and bumping into me. At a further event last weekend, he did the same thing, but the bumping into me seemed even rougher and I shouted at him "what on earth do you think you are doing?" but he ignored me. Completely blanked me. No response. Didn't even look at me (which tbh made a change from the previous glaring).

What on earth is he up to? I barely know this man. I've seen him around at events but have never actually spoken to him. Is he dangerous? How do I stop him behaving like this? There is no sensible, central figure that I could speak to really to have a word with him and I have the feeling that people might think I'm making it up.

FWIW I have a partner who is currently working away, and I think Charles must know this, as he will have seen me with him previously.

I would avoid all interactions with this man, listen to your instinct and steer clear and block him on your phone.

This is assault he is doing. Do not be worried about going to the police. Repeated deliberate assault

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common_assault
"Both in the common law and under statute, the actus reus of a common assault is committed when one person causes another to apprehend or fear that force is about to be used to cause some degree of personal contact and possible injury."

The person who suggested antagonising this man further is an idiot. It is one of the most ridiculous pieces of advice I have seen on here. The man is already assaulting you, in public, for no known reason. Antagonising him will lead where? We do not know but it is a dangerous road to take.

@GodspeedJune

This is assault and the fact he is physically assaulting you is a major red flag. You wouldn’t be overreacting to report this to the police.

exactly - I crossed posts with you!

Part of this is probably happening because I tend to turn up to races on my own and warm up alone and not chat or stand about all that much in a group, I just want to get on with it. So "Charles" probably views that as me being isolated, when in reality I'm just concentrating.

It might have occurred to you that this is why he had you in his sights in the first place. These bastards know how to choose their targets. They are very clever, they pay attention, and the lengths to which they're willing to go never fail to surprise me. They also really, REALLY do not like hearing the word 'no'. BTW, Kudos to you for saying that to him in the first place. If it's escalated to this level only now, imagine how much worse it would have been if you'd acquiesced to his CF request and got further drawn in.

Be careful. The best advice you've been given on this thread is to flag this, register a report with the police and let people around you know what's happening. Don't ever keep abusive men's secrets and protect them at your own expense. Our instincts are very rarely wrong. If you think a man is abusing you, question their behaviour before you consider your own.

From even the meagre information you've given on this thread this man's good. He's devious and he's manipulative as well as unpleasant and threatening. I'd put money on it that he's done this before.

Parkrun is well organized. One of our parkruns bans people who spit whilst running. Contact the central national parkrun if you dn’t know who to contact locallly.

Shriek in shock and shout “don’t touch me!” Show him right up, fucking weirdo.

I thought part of the glory of running was that you don’t need to deal with anyone else let alone bastards.

I hate the replies you've had that tell you to say 'I hope I haven't offended him/you in some way'
So what if you have offended him. Doesn't give him the right to repeatedly target you and assault you.
I've been offended by people but I didn't go round shoving them and being a complete twat.
Op I'd do the safe group on WhatsApp, block him on there so he can't see or message you and make sure your address isn't available anywhere he can access it.
Speak to the police for some advice and maybe warm up near the organisers bit? Clearly I don't do park run so I don't know how it's set up.

What a creep. Mention it to the running director and also the person who set the WhatsApp group up. If other people have a word with him then hopefully he’ll be embarrassed and stop, maybe he’ll even find a different park run…

To be fair, I think it was only one post that suggested I speak to him in case I'd offended him, and it was meant in a "clear the air" sort of way. But absolutely no way would I talk to him. Not only could I imagine him twisting it around to mean something else, I simply cannot be bothered. I have better things to do with my time. I also don't believe in "rewarding" men with attention for behaving badly.

Also, I cannot possibly have offended him in any normal sense of the word. He has offended me, firstly by being rude in asking for a lift when it would have seriously inconvenienced me, and secondly, by not thanking me for going to the trouble of organising a lift for him.

Have spoken to a friend who volunteers at the park run in question. Apparently, "Charles" is also a volunteer! When he is not running, he is volunteering, and now I cast my mind back, I remember seeing him doing that. Friend was vaguely surprised when I mentioned that I found him odd (I didn't go into all the details) and then said that it was "known" that he "liked me" and "probably thought that he might be in with a chance". Then she said she thought he was quite shy and "probably didn't mean anything by it". I don't think Charles is possibly the brightest spark..

I find all this quite odd. Perhaps they think that because I'm currently in a long distance relationship, it isn't serious? I have never given any indication that I would be looking for a boyfriend and I certainly wouldn't be interested in "Charles" if I was.

I have a feeling this is not a battle I want to get involved in, or can win. I think I'll stick to ignoring him, and I'm not going to socialise with these people again, except for 2 or 3 of them individually. I'm doing a different park run this weekend - there are 5 or 6 ones within reasonable distance of me. Obviously, if I see the guy near where I live or anything, I will be straight onto the police, but the problem is that there isn't really any evidence at the moment. And I really just want to get on with running, not dealing with hassles and evidence gathering when I turn up on a Saturday.

Re no one noticing or reaching out - reminds me of a similarly sad thread last year where a woman at the gym was being harassed by a guy (maybe even in their social circle?) but no one seemed to want to intervene to the point she moved gyms. It's shit that it has to be you to make the change but your idea of joining a running club might not be a bad one if you think no one would have your back if you called him out.

Friend ... said .... he was quite shy and "probably didn't mean anything by it".
How disappointing of her.
Oh well, it sounds as if you're dealing with it well, getting on with your life but not pretending it's not happening.

Sorry to say, a different park run is a good idea

Men like this are rotten apples spoiling the whole barrel

There was a thread about how many of us have left hobby groups because of men like this.

It was me who suggested you speak to him directly, but I hope it didn't come across as me suggesting it is your fault, it is quite obvious you have done nothing wrong. When I said I would ask him if I'd offended him, I wasn't meaning it in a "oh poor you, I must have upset you in some way how can I make it better" way, I was meaning it more as a way of putting him on the spot and then putting straight whatever it is he thinks you have done/ending the weird games he is playing.

However I am fortunate enough to have not been in a situation like this personally, I was just telling you what I would probably do. I'm sorry you've had to change your plans with the group, but it sounds like the sensible thing to do.

Its ok vitahelp I knew what you meant . However, from this particular man, I just don't get an approachable vibe in that sort of way at all. I've never spoken to him in person at all. He has transgressed so many normal social rules that he just gives me the creeps. I'm not scared of him but he just makes the whole thing around that particular park run seem less undesirable, like a dark cloud passing over the sun. Its the second time something slightly off of this nature has happened with some of the members of this group, so I think I'll look on it as progressing my running and when I return to that particular park run, hopefully it will all have blown over and I will be faster and maybe among the first three women!

@SucculentChalice I'm glad you knew what I meant, I was worried it had come across that I was saying you must have done something to upset him and that you needed to find out what it was so you could apologise...which is definitely not the case!! I can understand how you must feel, it is very odd and does make the person seem creepy somehow! And like you say, if it creates a negative feeling about going again, then it is best not to return.

By the way, well done on the running. I'm not bad with HIIT/spinning etc but I find running super difficult!

Sorry to hear that you are thinking of changing your Parkrun because of this. I also saw further up thread that you are thinking of changing your running routine during the week as well. Deffo speak to the Race Director about his behaviour

Please nobody have a go at me for suggesting this, I used to get a lot of unwanted male attention, I now wear a ring on my wedding finger and although it didnt stop all, it helped a great deal. Too late for this creep. Be careful don't speak to him and if he does it again, scream!