To have felt irritated by my friend’s children today?

[Chickalick]

Not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not to be be honest.

DH and I (who for context don’t have children) went for lunch today with friends of ours and their two DC. Youngest is 5, eldest is 11.

I just didn’t enjoy it and have come home feeling really frazzled due to their DC’s behaviour. I should probably preface it by saying they weren’t being horrendous but neither of them would stay seated for more than 5 mins at a time, constantly bouncing around on their seats, up and down around the table. Youngest kept ear piercingly shrieking every 5 mins and then giggling as they thought it was hilarious, it was like nails on a chalkboard. Eldest kept shouting when they talked (they have a tendency to do this in general) and it was deafening. Youngest kept stabbing their fork repeatedly into the table and eldest started chucking their chips at the youngest which then encouraged youngest to do the same.

I just felt like it was chaos and could feel the diners next to us getting annoyed. It was the noise, just constant really LOUD shouting instead of talking from the eldest or shrieking and silly wailing noises from the youngest. Youngest constantly wanting to get up and run round the restaurant. Us adults could barely hear each other and I just wanted to eat and get out of there ASAP.

To add, parents did tell them to stop each time they shrieked, started chucking food etc but they would stop for about 30 seconds then start again and I think they got fed up of telling them in the end so just kinda gave up. They whipped out an iPad in the end and gave it to them but then they put some game on with the volume on loud and both started shrieking and baying each other when the other was beating them etc.

We’ve just got home and I said to DH that I just didn’t enjoy the meal and won’t be in a hurry to do it with them again. I said it’s like they were feral and had never been taught to sit at the table and eat. He thinks I’m being unreasonable and said that’s just eating out with children, they’re noisy and hyper and there’s not much you can do.

Is he right?

Is this a reverse? Are you really the parent and you had lunch with childfree friends who looked horrified?!

You're not being unreasonable. Other people's kids are infuriating. Even my own are annoying to me in these kind of situations. But the behaviour you're describing is totally run of the mill, ordinary 5yo stuff. It's draining.
I have a 1yo and a 4yo and every time we try to go out for food I say to my DH "this will just be so much easier when they're 11 and 14" ... because they will ignore us probably.
There isn't really a solution apart from just organising child free events with the people you'd like to see

5 year old having a bad day…just about normal. 11 year old, ouch! Assuming no SEN then they really should do better. Ours are 6 and 9 and I wouldn’t tolerate food throwing and would have been like a broken record trying to reduce volume (if it was just that I’d probably say you were being a bit unreasonable).

For future reference, for friends with children it is better to get a take-away. Children can sit and watch TV in the lounge, whilst the adults can enjoy the food and company sitting at the table :)

I've got similar age kids and they don't go off like that. I hate chaotic meals out, whether it's with kids or not. I'd have just apologised and explained you couldn't tolerate it, and left.

Promise it’s not a reverse also prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable. I don’t spend a lot of time around children so don’t have a lot to compare it to. I totally get that it’ll be more noisy and disruptive with children, just didn’t expect that level of noise and disruption.

I hate bringing my kids for food, they're 3 year old twins and 6 and i get too stressed and they're actually really good to be fair. I'd never go for food with friends as there's no way I'd get to talk and equally if meeting someone with kids I know I'm going moreso to chat to the kids and not my friend. I don't blame you, try and have an evening meet up instead or go to theirs when kids are in bed

Hmm I think he's somewhat right about the 5 year old but not the 11 year old, I don't think children that age should get away with that kind of behaviour.

What were the circumstances? Have you never gone out with these friends before?

Totally agree with @duvetdayforeveryone

Or a picnic would have also been a better choice :)

I'd expect a meal out with children that age to be reasonably peaceful. They're not rambunctious toddlers

YANBU. At the ages of 11 and 5 they should be capable of sitting through a (non formal as it sounds) meal. Great parenting!!

I would be horrified too and I have 3 children of my own. Completely not normal behaviour as far as I'm concerned. Yes they can get a bit fidgety and need reminded occasionally about volume but no way would mine do that. Did they not take colouring or anything? I hate ipads at the table too

YANBU , my children are 10 and 6 and can sit nicely for 45 mins. They don’t scream or shout or throw food either. After this time they would need I pad, a walk around but nowhere near as badly as these children.

Not unreasonable at all. I love my kids, but find other peoples, unless they behave like mini adults, massively irritating

Taking kids out for food can be a massive pain in the arse. Sometimes it’s fine, other times you think fuck why did I bother. I find going out for a meal with my own children hard work so going out with someone else’s does not appeal to me in the slightest. Takeaways or non food related activities where the children can move around and burn off energy is best.

they were prov showing off for you benefit

I did “lol” at feral

Children are annoying when you want to have a leisurely meal. They just are, including mine. If you have children in the future, they will be annoying too.

Best to meet your friends for a child free evening meal so you can chat in peace.

YANBU! My son is 8 now but even at 5, he would not behave in that manner in a pub/restaurant -I'd be mortified!

The silly noises/shrieking is something I'd expect from a baby/toddler. An eleven year old should know that shouting and throwing food is unacceptable!

I wouldn't eat out with them again.

They sound absolutely feral. Sounds like shite parenting. There are no circumstances under which I’d like to go out for tea with someone else’s children.

My children are 5 and 9 and have never once behaved that way when eating out. I’ve had similar experiences with friend’s children, and there’s a reason the meals out only happened once.
I’m really sensitive to high pitched sounds (as in an instant headaches) and kids shrieking makes me irrationally angry. Especially when parents just sit simpering at them.
However this is MN and you’ll get someone blaming YOU soon for not engaging with little Felicity and Tarquinius

That sounds stressful and horrible. How do you know these friends?

My DC and DSC have never behaved like that, if they did I wouldn’t inflict it on anyone else.

My children are 6 and 9 and wouldn't behave like that. The 6 year old might get a bit wriggly and would insert herself into every conversation so I wouldn't expect a relaxing meal.

Our two have never thrown food at the table, either at home or outside nor have they ever attempted to. I'd not be going out for a meal with them present again.

I would not have tolerated that. The parents should have taken them home.

My 7 yr old wouldn't dare behave like that. He might have been a bit restless at 5, but nowhere near the carnage you describe!

I wouldn't go out with them again.