Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have felt irritated by my friend’s children today?

319 replies

Chickalick · 18/04/2022 18:41

Not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not to be be honest.

DH and I (who for context don’t have children) went for lunch today with friends of ours and their two DC. Youngest is 5, eldest is 11.

I just didn’t enjoy it and have come home feeling really frazzled due to their DC’s behaviour. I should probably preface it by saying they weren’t being horrendous but neither of them would stay seated for more than 5 mins at a time, constantly bouncing around on their seats, up and down around the table. Youngest kept ear piercingly shrieking every 5 mins and then giggling as they thought it was hilarious, it was like nails on a chalkboard. Eldest kept shouting when they talked (they have a tendency to do this in general) and it was deafening. Youngest kept stabbing their fork repeatedly into the table and eldest started chucking their chips at the youngest which then encouraged youngest to do the same.

I just felt like it was chaos and could feel the diners next to us getting annoyed. It was the noise, just constant really LOUD shouting instead of talking from the eldest or shrieking and silly wailing noises from the youngest. Youngest constantly wanting to get up and run round the restaurant. Us adults could barely hear each other and I just wanted to eat and get out of there ASAP.

To add, parents did tell them to stop each time they shrieked, started chucking food etc but they would stop for about 30 seconds then start again and I think they got fed up of telling them in the end so just kinda gave up. They whipped out an iPad in the end and gave it to them but then they put some game on with the volume on loud and both started shrieking and baying each other when the other was beating them etc.

We’ve just got home and I said to DH that I just didn’t enjoy the meal and won’t be in a hurry to do it with them again. I said it’s like they were feral and had never been taught to sit at the table and eat. He thinks I’m being unreasonable and said that’s just eating out with children, they’re noisy and hyper and there’s not much you can do.

Is he right?

OP posts:
DrDetriment · 18/04/2022 18:54

YANBU. They sound awful and that should not be the norm.

GrandRapids · 18/04/2022 18:57

In fact it sounds very much like how my BIL's kids behaved at that age. They were feral and there wasn't much parenting going on. Their tactic was to ignore it. Hence we didn't see much of them!

zoemum2006 · 18/04/2022 18:59

My kids wouldn’t have behaved like that but neither would I have have gone out with a child free couple and expected them to entertain themselves while I chatted.

Better to get a take away (or have a picnic) and let the kids run around the house.

Caterina99 · 18/04/2022 19:02

My kids are 6 and 4 and (in my opinion) really annoying to eat out with. They wouldn’t be allowed to play a noisy iPad game or throw food at each other though. I’d shut that down right away. God I was praying it would get massively better by 11!

This is why we wouldn’t go for a family meal with anyone other than very close family or friends with similar aged kids. And even then it would be fairly short and sweet

No way would I eat out with other people’s kids. I don’t even want to eat out with my own kids!

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 18/04/2022 19:02

Mine are quite close in age to that. They're certainly not normally like that, but there are prob occasions where they're approaching it. I think I'd be more on it than your friends sounded, but equally, I can well imagine they were trying to balance their desire/need to parent effectively vs their desire to try and ignore the kids and have a conversation with you, and those things are really incompatible. My experience is def that my kids can often be delightful and sometimes really embarrass me, and there's no guaranteed way of knowing/influencing which. I don't do screens at the table, and neither of mine would throw food, but both need repeated reminders about inside volume, and they are prone to interrupt more than is probably ideal.

If I'm socialising with my children in tow (and the friend/s haven't brought children of their own), a sit down meal together in a restaurant is one of the least appealing options.

It sounds a lot like the parents had very few parenting options at their disposal - if the children are playing up for the novel audience or because they don't like sharing their parents' attention, not much is going to help them change course so the adults can have the meal they planned. If my children are messing about when we're out, I can threaten we'll have to leave and they know I mean it and it sorts things out, but since this was the parents' arrangement with you that one isn't such a winning move.

What you describe is not very normal, but it's not wildly out there either. I would avoid repeating it, but also avoid building up too much of a narrative in your head about your friends' unlikeable children or their ineffectual parenting. It sounds like a bit of a snapshot.

Mamabananananana · 18/04/2022 19:05

I went on a short break with a friend and her DC. Nearly got my tubes tied afterwards

Ragruggers · 18/04/2022 19:06

We took 6 grandchildren out for lunch youngest 5 eldest 14 2 have Sen and they would never behave like that.It depends on your attitude,sounds like they are getting away with it and making everyone’s life a misery.Children are able to sit and enjoy a meal it is a pleasure to take our grandchildren out.

YoComoManzanas · 18/04/2022 19:06

I have a 5yo and 7yo and I would not allow this behavior. They would have been taken outside for a telling off and then taken home. However, we only take them out at actual meal times otherwise they are not interested in food or are too hungry and we take some colouring or something quiet with us. Tablets would be used if it was a very long family meal at the wrong time iyswim but with headphones and only after they had interacted nicely with family foe a bit.

Greenpolkadot · 18/04/2022 19:09

I have a gd who is a joy to take out for a meal. Then I have two step gs who are a nightmare

MayBeee · 18/04/2022 19:09

Whilst I have children of my own , I dislike other peoples kids and my own at times

prescribingmum · 18/04/2022 19:09

I have a 3 and 5 year old and that behaviour would not be tolerated from either of them, specifically the food throwing and being loud enough to be disturbing others. However, they would require a fair amount of attention from an adult at a restaurant otherwise behaviour deteriorates so we would never take them out with childless friends. Always a takeaway so they can play/watch TV while we eat in peace

HaveringWavering · 18/04/2022 19:09

That is bad and not normal. YANBU. In particular, giving them tablets without headphones in a public place is shockingly antisocial on the sort of your friends. I’d not be accepting any future invitations if I were you.

HaveringWavering · 18/04/2022 19:10

On the PART of your friends.

isadoradancing123 · 18/04/2022 19:10

Parents are totally to blame. At their ages these kids are well old enough to behave in a civilised manner

saraclara · 18/04/2022 19:10

I'm pretty stunned at the posts here. My kids came out for meals with us from toddler age, and they coped fine, and didn't annoy anyone. This whole business of giving kids iPads during a meal out is just grim. It seems like there are no expectations on kids at all to sit calmly and eat with adults. It really isn't impossible. Obviously you don't go to places with five course meals or slow service, but at 5 and 11, for goodness sake, they should be able to hold it together.

Whatsmyname100 · 18/04/2022 19:11

They sound like really badly behaved and naughty kids. The parents should have definitely dealt with it. My ds is 6yo and I can't imagine him doing this. I have however been out with really badly behaved children, even my ds asked if we could leave. I would avoid any meet ups with these people if their kids are around.

WindyKnickers · 18/04/2022 19:11

I find other people's children completely insufferable. The volume, the screechy pitch, the inability to sit still.

lanbro · 18/04/2022 19:11

Wow, YANBU at all, my dc would never be allowed to behave like that, I have been taking them out eat since they were babies. At 8 & 10 they are completely trusted to use the buffet on holiday unsupervised, I would never have to tell them to sit still, talk at a normal volume or not throw food!

In future I would only arrange adult only meetups!

NorthernSpirit · 18/04/2022 19:12

This sums it up: 1min 30 onwards

m.youtube.com/watch?v=fhLBFl6qzx0

Not unreasonable at all to expect children to not f@ck up somebodies inch

NorthernSpirit · 18/04/2022 19:12

Lunch (not inch)!

saraclara · 18/04/2022 19:12

I'm pretty stunned at the posts here.

I need to amend that to "some posts here". While I was typing, some more people like me posted. But the first few seemed to think that is just how kids are. It's not, or it needn't be.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 18/04/2022 19:13

My children are 4yrs, 5yrs and 7yrs (with SEN) and wouldnt behave that way. They might fidget and need reminded how to behave but they wouldnt be shrieking and throwing food.

KatherineofGaunt · 18/04/2022 19:14

My 3-year-old behaves better than what you've described. He wouldn't be allowed to shout out throw food. Yes, I might pull my phone out to entertain him but it would be with the sound muted.

I would absolutely minimise disruption not only for other diners, but but also for the friends we'd met. If need be, I'd take DS off somewhere and allow at least one of us to have an adult conversation with the other people.

YANBU, OP. It's not hard to get children to understand the boundaries (I'm talking about NT children here, I appreciate it may be different for ND children).

namechange30455 · 18/04/2022 19:14

I think it's a bit of both tbh.

They do sound very full on and I would absolutely not let mine behave like that, but it sounds like you were expecting a nice chatty meal with your friend - that was never going to happen with her 3 kids there!

HumunaHey · 18/04/2022 19:15

@isadoradancing123

Parents are totally to blame. At their ages these kids are well old enough to behave in a civilised manner
Agree. It's not a part of having kids, it's dependant on parenting. Especially the 11yo, assuming they have no SEN.