To have felt irritated by my friend’s children today?

[Chickalick]

Not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not to be be honest.

DH and I (who for context don’t have children) went for lunch today with friends of ours and their two DC. Youngest is 5, eldest is 11.

I just didn’t enjoy it and have come home feeling really frazzled due to their DC’s behaviour. I should probably preface it by saying they weren’t being horrendous but neither of them would stay seated for more than 5 mins at a time, constantly bouncing around on their seats, up and down around the table. Youngest kept ear piercingly shrieking every 5 mins and then giggling as they thought it was hilarious, it was like nails on a chalkboard. Eldest kept shouting when they talked (they have a tendency to do this in general) and it was deafening. Youngest kept stabbing their fork repeatedly into the table and eldest started chucking their chips at the youngest which then encouraged youngest to do the same.

I just felt like it was chaos and could feel the diners next to us getting annoyed. It was the noise, just constant really LOUD shouting instead of talking from the eldest or shrieking and silly wailing noises from the youngest. Youngest constantly wanting to get up and run round the restaurant. Us adults could barely hear each other and I just wanted to eat and get out of there ASAP.

To add, parents did tell them to stop each time they shrieked, started chucking food etc but they would stop for about 30 seconds then start again and I think they got fed up of telling them in the end so just kinda gave up. They whipped out an iPad in the end and gave it to them but then they put some game on with the volume on loud and both started shrieking and baying each other when the other was beating them etc.

We’ve just got home and I said to DH that I just didn’t enjoy the meal and won’t be in a hurry to do it with them again. I said it’s like they were feral and had never been taught to sit at the table and eat. He thinks I’m being unreasonable and said that’s just eating out with children, they’re noisy and hyper and there’s not much you can do.

Is he right?

I have young children and they would never behave like that.

We eat out often and I'd be absolutely mortified if they ever did this.

If they did I'd be taking them outside for a very stern talking to, and if it continued we would leave whilst apologising profusely.

Even my 2 year old and 7 year old don't behave like that. So I think it's odd behaviour, especially at 11!

Mine are younger, one has ASD, and I still wouldn’t tolerate that behaviour from them. Yes, they’re a bit wriggly and they need reminding about voice volume and I dare say a child free person might well find them irritating, but any food throwing or running about would be very quickly stamped on. I do very occasionally resort to iPad if food is taking forever to arrive, but only with headphones.

That said, I’d never take them for a lunch out with a child free couple (except their Grandparents!) - they need too much parental attention in that setting to allow me to also pay enough attention to my friends. My friends rarely want a lengthy conversation with a child about my little ponies or minecraft! And the kind of restaurants I can take my kids to (Pizza Express, Nando’s etc) aren’t places my child free friends would choose. We see such friends at home, for an outdoor walk type activity or in the evening when our kids are being babysat!

11 year old should be able to behave better. So should the 5yo but all children have bad days. So while it's not good behaviour, it's not beyond what you might expect from a child that age, especially if the parents were ignoring their children to try to talk to you instead. I have a 4yo and, although I'd expect much better behaviour than you describe from them, I'd also expect to spend a fair bit of time talking to them and entertaining them (we'd normally take books and crayons). If I really wanted to chat to a friend, I'd either leave DC at home or put cartoons on the tablet (with earphones) if I had to bring DC.

Gosh are you my friend
My DC are like this. I tell them off, they don’t listen. I explain why it’s annoying to other people, it doesn’t register. I give punishments, time outs, consequences. I’ve tried iPads and other toys, colouring, sticker books. I’ve tried everything.
It’s utterly exhausting, embarrassing and isolating because you do stop doing things as a result.

YANBU. This does not sound normal. Kids should not be in restaurants if they cannot behave with basic manners. These parent sound useless!

No, most children do NOT behave like that. If a child has SEN then it can be more difficult to keep them sitting nicely at the table, but you take suitable entertainment & earphones for them. At 5 they might still be restless & need some input to keep them behaving well, but at 11, there's no excuse. But neither is there an excuse for the parents giving them an iPad without headphones!! Any child over two throwing food would have been frogmarched outside, pronto!!

Feral kids is one reason I only do 'lunch' with one friend, when her kids are at school. I adored the kids when they were little & used to look after them loads, but she's allowed them to 'do as they please' & their behaviour is disgusting. I won't eat out with them again.

Their kids behaviour would get on my bleeding nerves.
We have 6 kids and I will not tolerate bad behaviour when out, more relaxed at home but still expect them to eat nicely at the table.

Some kids are louder and ‘busier’ than others. My youngest is horrendous. There is no teaching him to eat out, just like your friends kids telling off only works for a short period. He can’t really help it. I wonder if he is ADHD sometimes.

My DD is 6, we went out for lunch yesterday, she was able to sit for 2 hours quite happily, did some drawing, chats, read her book, we did also play some top trumps at the end! But generally she can 100% sit happily for extended periods of time in a restaurant quite happily, this sounds extreme and I would not expect that from children that age.

I’d say that’s normal for a 5yo but an 11yo who can’t sit still or talk at a normal volume definitely has issues.

That was terrible behaviour; I'd have made any excuse and left.

DH is not right. Its perfectly possible to have a pleasant meal out with children that age., who stay on their chair, eat, speak and behave at table in a pleasant civilised way. Because that's how all the family eat their meals at home.

Food throwing is absolutely wrong. I’m on the fence re noise. I do feel that some British people require children to be unreasonably quiet. Just been to the US for the first time post-pandemic and it was great to be back in a place where adults makes more noise than the average British kid and not to have to worry about the “more mature” Brits rolling their eyes if my kids so much as open their mouths!!!

I remember as kids we were well behaved and sat quietly during meals. But since my kids were born, everything we have done has been for their benefit and their entertainment and they have no patience. We usually took them to restaurants that had a play area or worh friends who had kids.

This is other people's kids for you. I have kids, slightly older than these 2 though and extremely well behaved but I've always preferred to meet up with friends without any dc present as can't chat the same with kids around as they command constant attention, mum,mum,mum,mum every 3 fkin seconds. No thanks.

We had dinner with old friends recently and their daughter, age 12, was so loud and rude throughout the meal. It spoilt it. I kept waiting for them to ask her to turn down the volume a little but they just ignored it. No issues as far as I'm aware, and she's a bright girl. But the parents never say 'no' to her or tell her to quieten down. She completely took over. I think you're doing your kids a disservice to let them behave like this as they're not going to endear themselves to other people in the future if no one tells them that this isn't acceptable. I understand it's difficult if there are other issues at play, and we have to be understanding in these cases, but with a lot of parents/kids they seem to think it's acceptable or maybe it's a conscious decision in order to bring up their kids as super confident humans who have never been asked to be quiet or to stop interrupting/shrieking. Kids like this are often very confident! They're awful to be around though and we will probably avoid another family gathering with them as a result as my ear drums can't take it.

Were you with my kids?! Only joking (kind of), but eating out with kids is shit and you either need to do a picnic, or very child friendly place like Pizza Express. The 11 year old should be a better behaved though. 5 year olds are terrors and can't always control their behaviour.

Not all kids are like that. Unless this lot are taught how to behave soon they're going to encounter some shocking wake-up calls in the future. I'd have probably left, so hats off to your stamina!

YANBU. What a pair of little shits.

@SnowingInApril

Do they behave like this at home during mealtimes?

That sounds fucking hideous OP and I say that with DCs age 8 and 10. Their behaviour WAS feral. If my children behaved like that I'd be ashamed.

If my 5 and 10 year old behaved like that I would be mortified and they would have some consequences. I would however have brought them a tablet and headphones if I thought it was going to be a long dinner as you can't expect a 5 year old not to end up bored at somepoint.

@duvetdayforeveryone

For future reference, for friends with children it is better to get a take-away. Children can sit and watch TV in the lounge, whilst the adults can enjoy the food and company sitting at the table :)

Alternatively, the OP's friends could teach their children table manners/how to behave when out in public.

So many parents thinking this is normal behaviour. It's really not.

Agree with previous posters saying this is bad parenting, without a doubt!