To have felt irritated by my friend’s children today?

[Chickalick]

Not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not to be be honest.

DH and I (who for context don’t have children) went for lunch today with friends of ours and their two DC. Youngest is 5, eldest is 11.

I just didn’t enjoy it and have come home feeling really frazzled due to their DC’s behaviour. I should probably preface it by saying they weren’t being horrendous but neither of them would stay seated for more than 5 mins at a time, constantly bouncing around on their seats, up and down around the table. Youngest kept ear piercingly shrieking every 5 mins and then giggling as they thought it was hilarious, it was like nails on a chalkboard. Eldest kept shouting when they talked (they have a tendency to do this in general) and it was deafening. Youngest kept stabbing their fork repeatedly into the table and eldest started chucking their chips at the youngest which then encouraged youngest to do the same.

I just felt like it was chaos and could feel the diners next to us getting annoyed. It was the noise, just constant really LOUD shouting instead of talking from the eldest or shrieking and silly wailing noises from the youngest. Youngest constantly wanting to get up and run round the restaurant. Us adults could barely hear each other and I just wanted to eat and get out of there ASAP.

To add, parents did tell them to stop each time they shrieked, started chucking food etc but they would stop for about 30 seconds then start again and I think they got fed up of telling them in the end so just kinda gave up. They whipped out an iPad in the end and gave it to them but then they put some game on with the volume on loud and both started shrieking and baying each other when the other was beating them etc.

We’ve just got home and I said to DH that I just didn’t enjoy the meal and won’t be in a hurry to do it with them again. I said it’s like they were feral and had never been taught to sit at the table and eat. He thinks I’m being unreasonable and said that’s just eating out with children, they’re noisy and hyper and there’s not much you can do.

Is he right?

I’m sure OP would be gutted to miss out…

Yet post after post of “this isn’t kids being kids/usual/normal/acceptable behaviour doesn’t tell you that your post is just plain WRONG?

mind boggling

In other words..

NEWSFLASH - if your kids behave like this in public for no other reason than because you aren’t setting any boundaries or expectations on them… you will be judged by everyone in the unfortunate position of having their lunch/dinner/movie/holiday/whatever ruined by them.

and of course ultimately them means YOU because you didn’t do the basics to help them navigate life with others

What op has described to me sounds like normal five year old behaviour Mz. Being silly and messing around and not wanting to sit down for boring extended adult lunches is quite normal!
I raised my dc to be polite, engage with adults and sit for as long as they can, but we have no idea if the children have SEN or ADHD or other issues undisclosed, nor do we know that they were 'screeching'. If you are unused to children it can seem loud and too much if you are own house is silent and you can hear a pin drop most of the time.

If you go to lunch with a young family you have to factor in that 'adult' conversations will be limited, it won't be the most quiet affair and you take it or leave it depending on your tolerance. I don't like the attitude in this country that is so anti kids, in Italy they would be swung the kiddies around in the garden and enjoyed them, what is it about this country that expect children to be so prim and proper with Victorian values of being seen but not heard?!

See them out for dinner, in the evening sans children op, if a civilised event is what you are looking for.

Did you miss that the other child was ELEVEN?

And having iPads play with the sound on is unacceptable outside the home.

And did you miss the part where op said the youngest is 5 and the eldest is 11?Perhaps read the op properly next time havering

And did you miss the part where op said no SEN?

this isn’t typical 5yo behaviour but seeing as the 11yo was exactly the same clearly the ‘rot’ was set in some time ago

there is a world away from ‘children should be seen but not heard’ and the behaviour described on this thread.

my ds at 5, 2 even didn’t behave like this, neither did he aged 11z none of his friends behaved like that either

I am chilled, some of my friends children are very loud and boisterous, others are more laid back and gentle. I don't judge everyone I come across, perhaps thats where we differ. I tend to roll with it, and let families do their thing and keep my expectations to a minimum. Don't go to family lunches if you don't like children.

I find it odd as my children never acted like that at all, in fact they were always welcomed and praised for their manners by the staff at our usual restaurants.
Maybe it's because I taught them proper table manners which were the same for eating at home and outside.
It's all about not having two sorts of behaviour.

I don't like the attitude in this country that is so anti kids, in Italy they would be swung the kiddies around in the garden and enjoyed them, what is it about this country that expect children to be so prim and proper with Victorian values of being seen but not heard?!

The kids in Italy would have known how to behave.

I can’t believe people have defended this and said it’s normal. My 4 year old knows better than this, she can cope for about an hour at a restaurant before getting restless, although I do take toys/colouring books to entertain her. DC2 has just turned 2 and last time we took her out for a meal (a couple of months ago) she wanted to run around the place, we just distracted her at the table.

Theres no way I would allow shrieking or throwing food or the stabbing the table at 5, let alone 11! That’s secondary school age, more than capable of sitting for an hour, no matter how bored.

YANBU. My three year old niece knows how to behave better than that at dinner. She knows to be quiet and she knows she isn’t allowed to run around. Last meal we went for she sat at the table and coloured in pictures of peppa pig and looked at some
books and waited even though the food took ages.

That being said children do need to be taught how to behave in public spaces. For her faults SIL has always been very good with both her children and teaching them how to behave in restaurants and takes them both out on “dates” to Costa etc. so the rules are clear.

This was the fault of the parents and they should have taken them out. Not fair on you or other diners.

Its fantastic that your 3 years old niece behaves better than that. Mine has nonstop mood swings which makes it really hard to predict how he is going to behave (absolute norm for 2/3 year old by the way). However, I am certain that you only see your niece on certain occasions and not when she is having a bad day, teething, coming up with a cold, refusing to go to sleep, wants another chocolate in the middle of supermarket. Its very easy to like and compliment children when they are on their best behaviour, it doesn't take too much. However, to support them through the challenging moments is just as important. What OP is describing is one occasion, yet the comments are coming up with this whole picture of some lazy awful parenting and some horrible children that the OP had to encounter for one lunch in her entire left. They should have taken their kids out of the restaurant and left? They probably should have, as the OP judges her own friend and her children behind their backs and then meets up with them for lunches probably saying 'awww aren't you 2 lovely'.

Are you STILL coming back to this thread @HipsterMum?! what is your obsession with someone else’s thread?! So weird!!

No, I’m not two faced, I’ve spoken to my friend since Monday as they’ve suggested we all meet up and do go ape and lunch out in May. I was honest and said Go Ape sounds great but should we make it a picnic after or something as it seemed her DC weren’t enjoying being in a restaurant the other day and it was a bit stressful. She apologised and said it’s because they never sit at the table at home except at Christmas, they allow the DC to sit with trays on their laps and watch TV whilst they eat so they’re not used to sitting at tables. Her DH said apparently when they got home that they need to start eating at the table a few nights a week so they get used to it.

Bit harsh.

I agree the behaviour of the kids (especially the 11yo!) was not on at all. But you can't then bash the parents for taking steps to make improvements.

But you can't then bash the parents for taking steps to make improvements.

The bashing was for not having done it before now.

I don’t understand why people don’t make their kids sit at the table to eat. Are their sofas and floors covered in food? Yuck

I donget this eating from a plate/ tray on your lap. For many children this must mean they are eating with their fingers all the time instead of learning to use cutlery.
was once given a full roast dinner, gravy and all, to eat on my lap. I knew how that would turn out so asked to sit at the table, which was a few feet away.

Looking at the voting I think most people agree with you rather than your dh op.