My f****** brother

[kanyewestbrom]

He does this absolutely dickish thing when presented with a plate of roast dinner where he picks up a roast potato and drops it back on the plate to hear the sound it makes and therefore, he thinks, how crispy it is. Then he gives the chef a mark out of 10. I just want to rip his fucking head off! He has never cooked a meal for me in his whole adult life and he had the nerve to nitpick every single bit of the roast I’ve cooked him. And I am a good cook! This is not one of those meals you see on Slimming Hurled or mealsforpeopleyouhate. I am so angry! Even if the meal is gross surely you are polite and grateful to the chef?!

Take the meal off the ungrateful prick and don’t cook him anything again.

What a tool

Before serving, toss his spuds in hot yellow pepper sauce, you know, the one West Indian folk use.
Then watch in glee 🔥🔥🔥

My sister once told our mum that my roasties were better than hers! That didn't go down too well 😬

Your brother sounds like a right twat

Was anyone else there for the dinner too? If there was, did they or would they say something to him? If not, and you don’t feel ok making yourself clear about it, just don’t invite him for meals again.

Next time - if there is a next time - serve your brother a few charcoal briquettes in place of potatoes.

That should be crispy enough for the most discerning of diners.

Next time tell him you've got a new way to check if your potato's are crispy enough. Tell him to turn around and throw them at his arse

Any items he disses, leave it off the plate next time. If he questions that, say as it/they didn't meet your standards I did not feel it was appropriate to serve you any. (if you feel generous, you could always have some on standby, if he apologises).

He probably doesn’t realise how annoying he’s being,he probably thinks he’s being entertaining 🤦‍♀️ No one can rule you like your family can! I sometimes sit seething & think they’ll be dead at some point & then I’ll miss them - hard to focus away from what is annoying you though. You shouldn’t have to put up with it & he is an adult so maybe have a calm chat in advance next time he visits & say you appreciate he was joking but you’d rather he didn’t compare your cooking & that topic is off limits next visit.

• rile you not rule you!

That would be the last meal he ever had.

@Lalliella

I’m sure this thread was called “My fucking brother” yesterday. Who starred out the swearing?

I came on to say this! The title's been edited but no usual MNHQ explanation.

Do they object to swearing in thread titles now and I missed the memo?

I’d cook some just for him in loads of oil so they are rock hard and ducking horrible

Print off this thread and send it to him with roast potato enclosed.

How rude!!!!

Yeah I wondered about the sanitised thread title. What's all that about @MNHQ?

he certainly knows how to press OP's buttons

come on, has to be wonderful opportunity 4 witty retort. I'd try a few:

"next time I'll serve you some brick shards"
"Can't remember last time YOU cooked a meal - for anyone"
"Surprised you know what quality cooking is -- considering how little time you spend ever cooking for others"

etc.

This.
Give him a still-frozen Aunt Bessie's next time, see what sound that makes when splatted onto a plate.

Very funny!

Stop presenting food to him. Give everyone else food and after that tell him to knock himself out. If he complains tell him to FRO as he’s an ungrateful idiot

I lost this thread because of the censorship. WILD. @MNHQ

Thanks all for your sympathy. I find it really hard to give as good as I get but maybe I’ll get everyone else round the table at the next family meal to tell him how much of a twat he’s being as well.

Let him eat mash!

To save you the extra effort & time spent slaving over a hot stove, let Smash be your friend. No need to zhoosh it up with milk & butter, just add water & stir.

Everyone else enjoys the roast potatoes.