My f****** brother

[kanyewestbrom]

He does this absolutely dickish thing when presented with a plate of roast dinner where he picks up a roast potato and drops it back on the plate to hear the sound it makes and therefore, he thinks, how crispy it is. Then he gives the chef a mark out of 10. I just want to rip his fucking head off! He has never cooked a meal for me in his whole adult life and he had the nerve to nitpick every single bit of the roast I’ve cooked him. And I am a good cook! This is not one of those meals you see on Slimming Hurled or mealsforpeopleyouhate. I am so angry! Even if the meal is gross surely you are polite and grateful to the chef?!

He’s your brother, isn’t he supposed to annoy you? Seems harmless, just get creative with your response

Give him 1/10 for manners and tell him it was a pity point!

Anyone who did that to a meal I served would find there would be no roast potatoes on their plate next time they came for a meal.

I'd leave potatoes off his plate 😈

No roast potatoes next time.

I'd have taken the rest of his roasties back and never served them again if I made him anything to eat again at all.

@MadMadMadamMim

I'd have said calmly You are such a fucking ingrate. I will never invite you for dinner again. I've marked you as 0/10 as a guest. Now eat your dinner in silence and then fuck off.

And I'd have meant it.

this....but I would have said it the FIRST time he did it.

I really want a roast potato now

Take his plate away/put an empty plate in front of him?

Wasn't he ever taught not to play with hos food?

@MadMadMadamMim

I'd have said calmly You are such a fucking ingrate. I will never invite you for dinner again. I've marked you as 0/10 as a guest. Now eat your dinner in silence and then fuck off.

And I'd have meant it.

As above.

Or perhaps serve him his dinner without any potatoes and tell him, when he ask where his potatoes are, that until his childish, rude behaviour stops he won't be getting any more roast potatoes in your house.

Raw potato next time?

Next time he does it throw one at him.

Why do you keep inviting him?

Does he pick it up with his hand?

I genuinely find this appalling. I can’t believe you let him do it.

I'd have tied his legs to the chair, handcuffed his arms with cable ties, and very slowly shared his dinner (if untouched by his gob of course) onto everyone else's plate.

It would be bad enough if it were just the 2 of you.

Does he do this in the presence of other people?

Does he do it to anyone else?

If he did that to me he'd suddenly find no plate in front of him!

I'm another who would pick up the plate, bin it, and then everybody else could continue with their meal. And no, he would not be invited again.

@HellyR

Give him a still-frozen Aunt Bessie's next time, see what sound that makes when splatted onto a plate.

Do this!!

I got a 7/10 today. It’s not about the mark I got. He then wanged on about the uhmaaaaazing food he had somewhere else on a recent trip and we all got bored of him after he talked for 5 mins non stop about how rich he is.

When I tell him he’s being a dick he just laughs and says I’m just tetchy because I’ve got stressed out getting a roast on the table. Then talks about how his friends (who are much better cooks than me and have a much bigger house apparently) always manage to spend time with their guests rather than spend the hour before lunch in the kitchen.

Oh dear he sounds like a right bore

He can fuck off to theirs then next time, can't he!

I think he’s winding you up and it’s a joke ,

I wouldn’t be inviting him again. Or I’d leave potatoes off his plate. Seriously.

Oh just read your last comment he’s a knob