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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't want more children, but I don't know if I'll forever regret not having a daughter.

206 replies

potofivy · 17/04/2022 19:14

Firstly, I know children are all individuals, and I actually can't place exactly why I want a daughter.

I have two beautiful boys whom I love dearly.

I'm pretty sure two children is the perfect number for us. I also know that even if we had a third, there's a 50/50 chance it'd be another boy.

How can I just be happy with what I've got?!

OP posts:
glowingcandle · 17/04/2022 19:55

Wow, it it really 80% chance of the same sex again? That's really fascinating.

I have two of the same sex and would consider a third but DH is completely against so it won't happen. I try to focus on all the pros of only having two as much as I can.

Giviningup · 17/04/2022 19:57

Yea OP your rude.

grosgirl · 17/04/2022 19:58

I think @Hunderland was just trying to give you an alternative opinion re. having a third of a different sex, much the same as @lemongreentea was.

Your reply really doesn't come across very well.

Sarah13xx · 17/04/2022 19:58

I think this same feeling could happen either way whether it’s two boys or two girls, it’s just all the ‘what ifs’ and stereotypes of ‘I wonder if she’d do dancing, I wonder if he’d play football, I wonder what her wedding day would be like’. Obviously all of these things can apply to boys and/or girls and as you say your two boys are two individual little people and not just ‘two boys’. I have one boy but have always envisioned I’d be a mum of boys. He’s a bit of a dream baby though so right now I’d consider having three if the second was as easy as this, whether I ended up with one of each or two boys I think I’d still be keen for a third right now.

If you feel like you’re done though and don’t want another, just leave it as is and enjoy your family. Maybe you’ll change your mind down the line and want to have another at a later date, you don’t have to get the baby years out the road all in one go if you change your mind about a third (as long as no ones had an irreversible op preventing that) 🤣

jadey1991 · 17/04/2022 19:59

Hi op, sorry to hear this. I have 2 daughters ages 13 and 7... I have birth again 4 months ago to a beautiful son. Me and my OH didn't think we would have another baby again let alone a son. I suffered 2 miscarriages and thought that was it. We are really blessed to have a son.
You never know what will happen. You could possibly have a boy if your decided to have another baby.
It's only down to you and your hubby. I do wish you all the best

Chewchewaboogiw · 17/04/2022 20:00

A freind of ours had two boys. She really wanted a girl too. She didnt mimd about adding to family.
She read a.book plus got advice on how to enhance chance of having a girl.
I think it was to.do.with timmimg of sex. ( male. Sperm dies quicker than girls) and acidity.or.something of vagina( to.make it less hospitable to male sperm.) She followed it to.the .letter.
She had a girl.
It may not work for.all. ,but.it does seem to have good basis.
The closer to ovulation i think.you are more.likely.to.have a boy as.male.sperm is.faster.but lives less long so.ot.wins the race to.the egg.?
Our first.child was a boy.and was concieved during ovulation
Our girl was only day.3 of cycle .. i ovulatwd early.and she was .still hanging round .. according to that theory..it would need research if you wanted to.take the risk.

HermioneWeasley · 17/04/2022 20:00

My daughter wasn’t remotely interested in anything girlie until puberty hit - no princesses or dressing up or pink or tutus for us. She wore her older brother’s hand me downs because they were worn in and comfortable and insisted on short hair because she hated having brushed. It was no different to having another boy.

Iflyaway · 17/04/2022 20:02

I know someone who wanted a daughter, with 3 sons.

She now has 5 granddaughters...

Lavenderlid · 17/04/2022 20:04

What's rude about the OP?

KateTheEighth · 17/04/2022 20:11

I have 2 sons

I wish I had had 4 sons

No particular hankering to have a daughter but I accept I'm unusual

lakeswimmer · 17/04/2022 20:12

I really think you need to decide how many children you want and stick to it. If you always planned to have two and then have more to try and get a girl then it may not end well.

Sometimeswinning · 17/04/2022 20:13

Yea OP your rude

Why? Explain a bit. Op is being honest and asking for advice. I've had the experience of a boy and 2 girls. Very different experiences with them. Very typical.

FairyPolkadot · 17/04/2022 20:13

I have boys and I wondered this too when they were young and we were still young enough to have a 3rd. We didn’t have a 3rd because things came along in life that prevented it.

They’re teenagers with girlfriends now so I constantly have a house full of boys and girls. It’s great.

When my sons were little, people would tell me things like I’d have no one to go shopping or to cafes with. Nonsense. My sons love both. And their girlfriends come out on days out with us a lot now, too.

Nc123 · 17/04/2022 20:13

Hey. I had this.

I went through a secret period of what approximated to grief, because I had always thought I would have at least one daughter, and I didn’t. Acknowledging and accepting my own sadness about that meant that I could and did eventually move past it and focus on building great and close relationships with my sons.

Hunderland · 17/04/2022 20:14

@Countdownis35 @Sisisimone @Giviningup @grosgirl

Thank you Smile

pistachi0nuts · 17/04/2022 20:15

So rude!!!

ShinyS1 · 17/04/2022 20:16

I wanted girls, I got 2 boys. Obviously I love the bones of them and accept what is. Of course everyone around me had girls, which irked me occasionally, but I can't say that life has been picture perfect for their parents, nor has it been for me.

Kids, of either sex, are individuals that choose their own life path, some make great choices, others don't, some girls are close to their parents, some aren't.

So on balance I'm ok with boys, but that doesn't mean I never get that wistful pang when I see daughter cards, and know that I will never buy one (too old now). However that pales into insignificance considering some people will have that pang looking at the son or daughter cards, I do often think that.

It's ok to wish you had a daughter, I think. Plenty of people do, and plenty of people (though not as many for some reason) wish they had a son.

MurmuratingStarling · 17/04/2022 20:17

I don't think @potofivy's reponse to hunderland was rude at all. hunderland said 'I had 2 boys, and my third was a girl' so basically she got what she wanted.' Which I actually thought was insensitive, given the fact that the OP is desperate for a girl.

The OP just said 'good for you.' What was so rude about that? Confused

HistoricMoment · 17/04/2022 20:18

I do wonder why posters come along and say "had 2 sons and then a girl". What's their point? I can understand the OP being rude to them.

Fwiw my take on this is simply that you don't always get what you want in life.
You might want a daughter, doesn't mean you will get one.
You might want a super close relationship with your daughter, she might have other ideas.

Most things regarding our children are completely out of our control. You have 2 boys, that's just the way it is. It's okay to be sad about never having a daughter, but you can't let it rule your life. You were never guaranteed to get a girl, just like there are bound to be other areas in your life you feel disappointed about.

And to the poster saying your DIL will be key to maintaining the relationship with your son - this really isn't normal. My DH's relationship with his parents is completely separate from the relationship I have with them, anything else would be deeply dysfunctional imo.

ExplodingElephants · 17/04/2022 20:18

Mum of one son here and I must admit to feeling a little jealous of my sister who has two daughters. I adore my son but I always wanted a daughter but health circumstances mean I could only ever have one. I just worry that I’ll only ever be the Mother in Law and the ‘other’ Grandma E.g the one that gets left out and forgotten.

MissChanandlerBong80 · 17/04/2022 20:22

I have two sons and I do understand. I can only tell you where I’ve ended up in my head. There is a part of me that would love to have a daughter. But there is a much larger part that just doesn’t want a third child, irrespective of its sex. I love my family the way things are. I don’t want to be pregnant again, I don’t want to give birth again, I don’t want another round of sleepless nights, I don’t want to buy a bigger car, I don’t want to buy a bigger house, and I just don’t want to roll the dice again. So I’m listening to that part.

And as others have said people like us - who’ve had two of the same sex already - have a much higher chance of having another of the same sex (I didn’t know it was as high as 80% though!)

I used to live next door to a family who had two lovely daughters. They tried again one last time ‘for a boy’ - and got twin girls. I’m sure they adored all their daughters but it illustrates the risks of trying for a particular sex! They were also open about the fact that it put them under huge financial strain.

Babyvenusplant · 17/04/2022 20:28

@MurmuratingStarling

I don't think *@potofivy*'s reponse to hunderland was rude at all. hunderland said 'I had 2 boys, and my third was a girl' so basically she got what she wanted.' Which I actually thought was insensitive, given the fact that the OP is desperate for a girl.

The OP just said 'good for you.' What was so rude about that? Confused

Because she's explaining from her experience that op could still end up having a girl if she tried again
FredJonesPt2 · 17/04/2022 20:33

I have three boys Grin

Robotcustard · 17/04/2022 20:34

I have 2 DS too, when they were very little I used to get so jealous of other Mum’s having girls, all the pink and girly posts on Instagram and Facebook and I was gutted as I always wanted a girl to do girl stuff with and have the relationship I have with my own mum. Now they’re a bit older I don’t have those thoughts any more. They’re the most loving and kind boys and I am most definitely the centre of their universes (I’m not saying it’s easy, they also drive me bonkers daily). I’m just enjoying it while it lasts as I know it’s not guaranteed. I also see friends with their girls and can see that as they get older they have their own trials, girls are definitely not always easier than boys.

SoggyPaper · 17/04/2022 20:37

@Iflyaway

I know someone who wanted a daughter, with 3 sons.

She now has 5 granddaughters...

My mum had two daughters. She’s got 5 grandsons now.

It’s how these things go sometimes. And they’re all very different people.

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