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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend not giving me a lift ...

279 replies

crunchiebut · 17/04/2022 09:57

Last week it was my friends birthday and I organised a night away.
I paid for everything coach /hotel etc as it was her birthday.
The coach was a early 6 am coach.
I live 5 min (if that ) drive from coach station and a 15 min walk away.
I had to leave the house at 5.30 am to walk there and grab a coffee from greggs.
She got a lift from her husband.

That morning I woke up and it was chucking it down and cold.
I tried to get a taxi but no luck.
I text her saying the time I was leaving and that I couldn't get a taxi.
Her response
"Oh no your gonna get soaked,we are leaving soon,see you there"

Aibu to think she could of easily picked me up?
Literally 3-4 mins from town so would only have added less than 10 mins altogether.
I arrived soaked

OP posts:
RedSnail · 17/04/2022 09:59

Why didn’t you ask her to pick you up?

Original poster
crunchiebut · 17/04/2022 10:00

I didn't want to come out and ask for a lift.
It was pretty obvious I wanted a lift as there was no taxis and I said the weathers awful I will get soaked.

OP posts:
MJ123 · 17/04/2022 10:01

Sorry, your friend isn't bound go offer you a lift because you pay for other things. It'd be nice for her to offer but it feels very entitled to expect it

AllFreeOwls · 17/04/2022 10:01

I think if you're good enough friends to organise get birthday trip then you should be good enough friends for you to be able to ask her to collect you.

Butchyrestingface · 17/04/2022 10:01

@crunchiebut

I didn't want to come out and ask for a lift. It was pretty obvious I wanted a lift as there was no taxis and I said the weathers awful I will get soaked.
Clearly it WASN'T obvious you wanted a lift as she didn't offer.

Next time, ask.

Whooshaagh · 17/04/2022 10:02

Just ask.

Original poster
crunchiebut · 17/04/2022 10:02

Or she just couldn't be bothered to pick me up

OP posts:
AchillesPoirot · 17/04/2022 10:03

You should’ve actually asked her.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 17/04/2022 10:03

I think it's pretty shitty she didn't offer a lift tbh. I would offer my friends a lift especially in bad weather if I knew they were walking and couldn't get a taxi.

Butchyrestingface · 17/04/2022 10:03

@crunchiebut

Or she just couldn't be bothered to pick me up
You couldn't be bothered to ask.

Six of the one, half a dozen of the other.

AtomicBlondeRose · 17/04/2022 10:04

I think it would have been natural to offer a lift in those circumstances but for whatever reason she didn’t want to. Only you can know or guess why.

Original poster
crunchiebut · 17/04/2022 10:04

I didn't ask because I felt crap
Not because I couldn't be bothered
I would have liked her to offer considering it was half 5 in the morning,chucking it down and cold and no taxis

OP posts:
FrydayFish · 17/04/2022 10:05

or your friend is a selfish, thoughtless cunt who I'd be getting rid of asap

TigerLilyTail · 17/04/2022 10:05

I also would have offered a lift. I wouldn’t bother organizing anything for her again.

SmolCat · 17/04/2022 10:05

I’d be annoyed too. But if she’s usually generally a nice person then maybe she was just on getting ready auto pilot and didn’t think. So I’d brush it off.

NashvilleQueen · 17/04/2022 10:05

OP if I was arranging this lovely trip for a close friend and it was pissing down with rain then 100% I would expect her to offer to pick me up if it wasn't significantly out of her way. Isn't that just normal behaviour? I would also ask though as well if I had to. MN is a weird place sometimes.

Shinyandnew1 · 17/04/2022 10:09

@crunchiebut

Or she just couldn't be bothered to pick me up
How close friends are you really? If you’re close enough to go away overnight together for their birthday, why are you not close enough to ask for a 5 minute lift?

Can you drive/do you have a partner who does? How do you normally get to places?

ddl1 · 17/04/2022 10:09

It would have been nice for her to have offered, but I think you should have asked directly for a lift. She may have been preoccupied with something else, and just not thought until the occasion had passed.

Courante · 17/04/2022 10:09

I think most people would've immediately offered you a lift and not need to be asked directly but...you were texting her because you wanted a lift and I really think you should've asked directly. It was like a test and she failed and you ended up soaked with bad feelings towards her for probably no need.

As to why she didn't pick up on the obvious cue...

Original poster
crunchiebut · 17/04/2022 10:11

I drive but I wasn't going to drive to the coach station waste money parking for two days (over £30 )
Also my partner drives but he was on night shift so not even home by 5.30 am

OP posts:
Ikeptgoing · 17/04/2022 10:11

@TigerLilyTail

I also would have offered a lift. I wouldn’t bother organizing anything for her again.
This ^^

Your friend is self centred if she knew you had arranged and paid for everything for her and still didn't even think to offer you a lift when you live so close to her.

Usually I think people shouldn't expect a lift but in this case it wasn't an unreasonable hope that she would treat you as kindly as you have treated her.

FairyCakeWings · 17/04/2022 10:12

I think you should have asked, it’s irritating when people dance around hinting for an offer but can’t just ask. Especially if they then go on to complain that they weren’t offered a lift.

It could be that your friend didn’t pick up on the hint because she was busy sorting herself out, or maybe she didn’t want to ask her dp for extra favours at that time in the morning.

luxxlisbon · 17/04/2022 10:14

It’s also a bit last minute to text her on the morning with barely any time to spare. If it would have added 10 minutes to their journey it could have been 15 mins in bad rain and they simply weren’t ready in time to leave early.

I don’t understand why you couldn’t have got a taxi.

shiningstar2 · 17/04/2022 10:17

I think I understand where you are coming from op. Most of us would offer s lift to even a slight acquaintance if we knew we would be travelling together. If we care about someone enough to go to a lot of trouble and expense for their birthday we like to think they care enough about us to be considerate towards us without prompting and it hurts if you discover differently. 💐

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 17/04/2022 10:18

If you wanted a lift, you should have asked for one when you woke up and saw that it was chucking it down - don't wait until the last minute and then send a weird text that's half hinting and half complaining.

I'd have just said something like "Hiya - sorry to impose but it's throwing it down and I can't get a taxi - any chance you could pick me up on your way? I'll even throw in a coffee/breakfast as a thank you!"