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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend not giving me a lift ...

279 replies

crunchiebut · 17/04/2022 09:57

Last week it was my friends birthday and I organised a night away.
I paid for everything coach /hotel etc as it was her birthday.
The coach was a early 6 am coach.
I live 5 min (if that ) drive from coach station and a 15 min walk away.
I had to leave the house at 5.30 am to walk there and grab a coffee from greggs.
She got a lift from her husband.

That morning I woke up and it was chucking it down and cold.
I tried to get a taxi but no luck.
I text her saying the time I was leaving and that I couldn't get a taxi.
Her response
"Oh no your gonna get soaked,we are leaving soon,see you there"

Aibu to think she could of easily picked me up?
Literally 3-4 mins from town so would only have added less than 10 mins altogether.
I arrived soaked

OP posts:
Thedogscollar · 17/04/2022 11:34

@NashvilleQueen

OP if I was arranging this lovely trip for a close friend and it was pissing down with rain then 100% I would expect her to offer to pick me up if it wasn't significantly out of her way. Isn't that just normal behaviour? I would also ask though as well if I had to. MN is a weird place sometimes.
My thoughts exactly!
SeedyBloomer · 17/04/2022 11:34

I’m with you as I think it’s a bit mean of them given how much you were doing for her but I can also see that her partner is already having to give a lift at 5.30am which is not fun and probably didn’t want to have to give another one.

PinkiOcelot · 17/04/2022 11:34

Regardless of the weather, I would have offered a lift. How selfish of her.
Why should the OP have had to ask?!

airrrrAIRRRRiELLLL · 17/04/2022 11:34

Not sure why you were soaked but I hope you had a good trip regardless.

TheGlitterati · 17/04/2022 11:36

She’s a dick.

LindaEllen · 17/04/2022 11:39

This. If it was me, I wouldn't be at my best at that time in the morning, I'd probably be grumpy and rushing to get ready - and DP would be grumpy at having to get up and give me a lift as well, so I'd probably just be focussed on getting there! But would obviously have given a friend a lift if they'd asked.

Kuachui · 17/04/2022 11:42

i would have offered. not a very good friend in my opinion. instead of thinking oh hey why dont i pick you up she just wished you well in getting soaked.

Marynotsocontrary · 17/04/2022 11:44

My definition of friend is someone you care about- a few minutes out of your way is nothing for a friend.

Of course not normally, but if giving the lift would make you late for the coach and trip with friend, what then?

Kuachui · 17/04/2022 11:44

also MN today showing how many people are assholes.

someones paid for you to go away on a lovely trip and you cant even swing past and pick them up when theyre about to get drenched getting to the coach.

LovePoppy · 17/04/2022 11:44

@crunchiebut

I didn't want to come out and ask for a lift. It was pretty obvious I wanted a lift as there was no taxis and I said the weathers awful I will get soaked.
But that’s what you wanted.

Use your words. This is your fault

Kuachui · 17/04/2022 11:45

@marysocontrary but it wasnt going to make her miss the coach... ot was 5.30am, coach leaves at 6 and OP lives less than 5 minutes away from the station..

CharSiu · 17/04/2022 11:45

Your friend is awful and should have offered, but to me how the situation played out is very much how quite a few English women I have met behave, your behaviour that is. Just the whole being nice and not saying what you actually want. I think that’s why passive aggressiveness is such a massive thing in English culture. The simmering annoyance with not saying what you truly want or feel.

I was born in England and am English but my culture is not. DH to this day struggles with my directness as he is so used to his Mum and sister who behave just like yourself.

Marynotsocontrary · 17/04/2022 11:47

[quote Kuachui]@marysocontrary but it wasnt going to make her miss the coach... ot was 5.30am, coach leaves at 6 and OP lives less than 5 minutes away from the station..[/quote]
But we have no idea how far her friend lives from the station...

Marynotsocontrary · 17/04/2022 11:47

Or if she was even dressed, still packing etc

LovePoppy · 17/04/2022 11:48

Ask vs guess culture
amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/may/08/change-life-asker-guesser

returntoUK · 17/04/2022 11:53

Are you just going to keep on being her friend and letting her use you, OP?

I’m guessing she isn’t as generous as you.

Beautiful3 · 17/04/2022 11:55

I think I'd be hurt by this too. Bit spiteful of her really. I wouldn't bother spoiling her again.

Evilcountspatula · 17/04/2022 11:55

This could all have been avoided by a polite, direct request. I'm baffled as to why it's thought acceptable to drop hints and expect people to read between the lines, particularly at a time when the recipient is likely to be rushing around themselves and therefore unlikely to be looking out for the subtext of a message.

AhNowTed · 17/04/2022 11:56

Of course she should have offered.

Who TF would say, oh no you'll get soaked, see you there.

Selfish cow.

Shinyandnew1 · 17/04/2022 11:56

If I was having to get DH to drop me somewhere before 6am to catch a bus, we would be cutting it really fine to do ANYTHING other than both get dressed and out of the house in time! If you’d text me wanting a lift at 5.30, we would probably both miss it.

You should have just arranged to share lifts in advance!!

Haffiana · 17/04/2022 11:59

Meh. Typical passive aggressive behaviour.

You didn't ask, and yet you blame her for not paying you enough attention.

Passive aggressive.

pictish · 17/04/2022 11:59

@Evilcountspatula

This could all have been avoided by a polite, direct request. I'm baffled as to why it's thought acceptable to drop hints and expect people to read between the lines, particularly at a time when the recipient is likely to be rushing around themselves and therefore unlikely to be looking out for the subtext of a message.
Because mumsnetters get it right every time. They’re fantastic.
beck01 · 17/04/2022 12:01

Your friend is a inconsiderate bitch.

How was the rest of the trip?

Nanny0gg · 17/04/2022 12:01

@MJ123

Sorry, your friend isn't bound go offer you a lift because you pay for other things. It'd be nice for her to offer but it feels very entitled to expect it
It's not entitled!

It's the sort of thing friends do for each other without a second thought (usually)

KissedintheDark · 17/04/2022 12:03

@FrydayFish

or your friend is a selfish, thoughtless cunt who I'd be getting rid of asap
In a nutshell.

I would make sure there is never the opportunity for a next time, op. There are more thoughtful people out there to be friends with.