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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend not giving me a lift ...

279 replies

crunchiebut · 17/04/2022 09:57

Last week it was my friends birthday and I organised a night away.
I paid for everything coach /hotel etc as it was her birthday.
The coach was a early 6 am coach.
I live 5 min (if that ) drive from coach station and a 15 min walk away.
I had to leave the house at 5.30 am to walk there and grab a coffee from greggs.
She got a lift from her husband.

That morning I woke up and it was chucking it down and cold.
I tried to get a taxi but no luck.
I text her saying the time I was leaving and that I couldn't get a taxi.
Her response
"Oh no your gonna get soaked,we are leaving soon,see you there"

Aibu to think she could of easily picked me up?
Literally 3-4 mins from town so would only have added less than 10 mins altogether.
I arrived soaked

OP posts:
ExplodingElephants · 17/04/2022 10:37

@NashvilleQueen

OP if I was arranging this lovely trip for a close friend and it was pissing down with rain then 100% I would expect her to offer to pick me up if it wasn't significantly out of her way. Isn't that just normal behaviour? I would also ask though as well if I had to. MN is a weird place sometimes.
100% agree.
2catsandhappy · 17/04/2022 10:39

So it wasn't your friend who didn't give you a lift, it was her dh. That is unfortunate but perhaps she couldn't ask him for reasons only she knows.

veronicagoldberg · 17/04/2022 10:40

Use your words! Don't expect people to infer what you mean through hints. It's a uniquely British trait that is incredibly annoying and ineffectual.

SpaceFarce · 17/04/2022 10:40

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t have just said ‘I can’t get a taxi - would you mind picking me up too?’

Ponoka7 · 17/04/2022 10:41

@luxxlisbon
"I don’t understand why you couldn’t have got a taxi."

Where I live it's at least a 20 minute wait for a taxi at 5.30am. It's only at 6.30 that more drivers come out, because the hospital/care home shift changes start at 7.

OP, some people need asking. They don't get hints.

billy1966 · 17/04/2022 10:41

Unbelievable.

Instead of spending money on this awful woman, invest in therapy.

Kindly OP, your post is absolutely unbelievable that anyone would accept being treated like that.

I don't believe this lift behaviour is an isolated incident.
No one could be that rude and selfish.

Ditch her and get therapy.
Flowers

Greyarea12 · 17/04/2022 10:42

I also think she sounds selfish & self centred. Why would you leave your friend to walk in pouring rain to sit on a coach in soaking wet clothes especially when your the person who has arranged & paid for everything. Pure selfish. It sounds to me like she would get abit of a thrill out of you being miserable on the coach because your cold & wet. I wouldn't arrange anything for her again & I would also keep her at arms length.

zingally · 17/04/2022 10:42

Next time, use your words.

"Morning X! There's no taxis available and it's pouring! Could you swing over on your way and give me a lift? Cheers!"

I did pretty much exactly this last weekend. A friend text me in the morning, asking if I fancied a walk round a lake about 25 minutes drive away, down the dual carriageway. I said I'd love to come, but could she pick me up and drive? As my car can no longer do longer trips at speed? (I collected a new car on Friday!)

It was probably 3-5 minutes out of her way, but of course she said yes! Long-term friendship is full of give and take, and we've already agreed I'll drive for our next day out in May!

veronicagoldberg · 17/04/2022 10:42

@billy1966

Unbelievable.

Instead of spending money on this awful woman, invest in therapy.

Kindly OP, your post is absolutely unbelievable that anyone would accept being treated like that.

I don't believe this lift behaviour is an isolated incident.
No one could be that rude and selfish.

Ditch her and get therapy.
Flowers

Don't be daft!

If the OP wanted a lift she should have ASKED for one. Like normal people do.

TweetTweetMF · 17/04/2022 10:42

Simple. Don't do shit for her in the future.

HollowTalk · 17/04/2022 10:43

@MJ123

Sorry, your friend isn't bound go offer you a lift because you pay for other things. It'd be nice for her to offer but it feels very entitled to expect it
Oh ffs. It was a 5 minute lift!
LaingsAcidTab · 17/04/2022 10:44

She's not much of a friend, but all you needed to do was ask.

Given that you felt you couldn't, I'd suspect there's a correlation between your sense of martyrdom and the kinds of 'friends' you choose.

Juniper68 · 17/04/2022 10:45

That would sour the relationship for me. Did you enjoy the trip? She's selfish or really thick.

timeisnotaline · 17/04/2022 10:45

At half 5 in the morning I wouldn’t have thought through that you need a lift, I’m not a morning person and just wouldn’t have processed your message. I also wouldn’t have allowed any spare time at all.

Merryoldgoat · 17/04/2022 10:45

YANBU - I offer lifts as a matter of course if it’s not really out of my way - even then I do sometimes, tbh.

Loads of people have given me lifts over the years - it’s nice to pay it back.

Shinyandnew1 · 17/04/2022 10:46

@crunchiebut

I drive but I wasn't going to drive to the coach station waste money parking for two days (over £30 ) Also my partner drives but he was on night shift so not even home by 5.30 am
So, when this was arranged, I would have said to my friend-‘just got DH’s shift times and he’ll still be at work at 5.30am and can’t drop me. It’s £30 to leave my car-ouch! How are you getting there-would it be possible for you to give me a lift?’
pictish · 17/04/2022 10:46

“Any chance of a lift?” might have been helpful.

HairyMuttttt · 17/04/2022 10:46

You should have arranged it beforehand, she was probably running too late time wise what with it being so last minute

CatRamsey · 17/04/2022 10:46

I always hate it when my friends hint that they want a lift but never actually ask for it. Ask outright and she's more likely to say yes.

Crimesean · 17/04/2022 10:47

YABU for not asking, and also for not putting on waterproofs instead of getting soaked!

Your friend could've offered, but presumably her DH is giving her a lift and not too pleased about being dragged out of bed before 6am at the weekend - maybe she didn't want to piss him off even more. Why on earth did you book a coach at that time of day?!

SierpinskiSquare · 17/04/2022 10:47

Depends on the times really. If I give my husband a lift to the station in the morning I time it to the minute and an extra ten minutes diversion wouldn't be possible if I didn't have notice.

Blossomtoes · 17/04/2022 10:48

I’d have just asked her to pick me up. Obviously her crystal ball was malfunctioning.

TheBigDilemma · 17/04/2022 10:49

I’m with you OP, I would have been furious, especially after doing so much to put the trip together. Some people are so self centered they cannot imagine that friendships are give and take.

Yhbvfg · 17/04/2022 10:49

YAdefinitelyNBU. She’s a terrible friend.

fortifiedwithtea · 17/04/2022 10:49

This kind of thing was covered in a module my Dd studied last year. She is doing a language and linguistic degree, think it was about the only thing I’ve understood about her studies.

Its like when you say “ have you a pen?” You are not really asking do you possess a pen. Its either another way of saying can I borrow a pen or there is a form you need to complete, have you a pen? = complete the form now.

I think most people would understand you were asking for a lift. She chose to ignore it. Is she always so insensitive?