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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend not giving me a lift ...

279 replies

crunchiebut · 17/04/2022 09:57

Last week it was my friends birthday and I organised a night away.
I paid for everything coach /hotel etc as it was her birthday.
The coach was a early 6 am coach.
I live 5 min (if that ) drive from coach station and a 15 min walk away.
I had to leave the house at 5.30 am to walk there and grab a coffee from greggs.
She got a lift from her husband.

That morning I woke up and it was chucking it down and cold.
I tried to get a taxi but no luck.
I text her saying the time I was leaving and that I couldn't get a taxi.
Her response
"Oh no your gonna get soaked,we are leaving soon,see you there"

Aibu to think she could of easily picked me up?
Literally 3-4 mins from town so would only have added less than 10 mins altogether.
I arrived soaked

OP posts:
Thetailfeather · 17/04/2022 10:18

Hold on though, it wasn't your friend you'd be putting out, it was her husband. She had already asked him for a favour by wanting a lift before 6am. Under those circumstances, asking for a lift for you would compound the favour she'd already asked her husband for by adding another ten minutes to his journey. If he'd been a bit of a dick about giving her a lift at all, I can see why she didn't offer his time up on your behest.

AllFreeOwls · 17/04/2022 10:20

You seem to have decided there is no possible way that you might be the unreasonable one, for not asking her for a lift. So this is simply a post for you to moan about your friend and we're all supposed to simply nod and agreed that she must just be a stone cold bitch? Ah right, got it.

ThreeLittleDots · 17/04/2022 10:21

It seems it would have been better to text friend to say

"Any chance of a lift please"

Instead of trying to drop a hint and now trying to build a case against her. You can't like her very much.

Oblomov22 · 17/04/2022 10:22

Why didn't you talk about all of this on your night away? I would've talked about it on the coach.

converseandjeans · 17/04/2022 10:22

Maybe it was already far too early for her DH to get her there on time? It would have added 10 mins on so I can see why that was difficult last minute as you may have ended up missing the coach.

BeyondMyWits · 17/04/2022 10:23

She was maybe a bit thoughtless, maybe thinking more of her husband, her trip than of you.

You were a bit of a martyr.

Just ask, but don't always expect a yes.

Move on.

Tohaveandtohold · 17/04/2022 10:23

This whole aibu would have been averted if when you called your friend, you said ‘it’s raining now and I can’t get a taxi, please can you ask your oh to give me a lift to the coach station’
If she says no, then you know. you’ll still get wet but that’ll be the last time you’ll be organising things for both of you.

AryaStarkWolf · 17/04/2022 10:24

Yeah it was shitty of her not to offer if it was only 10 mins on to the journey. What's her OH like? The only excuse I can think of is maybe he'd get annoyed with her?

EmmiJay · 17/04/2022 10:26

Eee😬 I personally would have asked my husband if he wouldn't mind picking you up. Maybe she had morning fog and didn't clock what you were saying. Idk but try not to dwell.

Sswhinesthebest · 17/04/2022 10:26

I’d be upset too.

BacklashBacklash · 17/04/2022 10:27

@luxxlisbon

It’s also a bit last minute to text her on the morning with barely any time to spare. If it would have added 10 minutes to their journey it could have been 15 mins in bad rain and they simply weren’t ready in time to leave early.

I don’t understand why you couldn’t have got a taxi.

Yes, this. When I'm up that early, everything is hectic because I've woken at the latest possible time in order to get some proper sleep in. I wouldn't have time to go five or ten minutes out of my way. Would only just have time to fit the planned stuff in.
Brefugee · 17/04/2022 10:27

Well now you know: next time use the actual words "can you give me a lift?"

And since she's not much of a friend (normal people would have offered, or would it mean her travelling 30 minutes in the wrong direction?) you won't worry about saying that you're disappointed that after what you did for her she didn't even think to offer you a lift.

L0stinCyberspace · 17/04/2022 10:28

I'm amazed at all the "you should have asked" replies!

What a thoughtless friend. Is she normally this selfish?

Quincythequince · 17/04/2022 10:29

@crunchiebut

Or she just couldn't be bothered to pick me up
Or you could have just asked.

All things considered and the fact that you were going away together, do you really think she wilfully decided not to give you a lift?

spotcheck · 17/04/2022 10:29

OP
If she is generally thoughtful, I'd try and put it behind you.
As pp said, it wasn't her you'd be asking, it was her husband.
Perhaps they'd had an argument, or he was picking up some extra slack in another part of their life for her to be able to go on the trip. There are many reasons that have nothing to do with you.
Or, she was rushing around like crazy, and didn't pay enough attention to your text.
Let it go.

WallaceinAnderland · 17/04/2022 10:31

Weird friendship that you can pay for everything for her but can't ask for a lift.

FairyCakeWings · 17/04/2022 10:31

It’s not selfish to not ask your partner to do your friend a favour at 5.30am.

Shinyandnew1 · 17/04/2022 10:31

How do you normally get to places when you go together? Do you aways assume her DH will take and collect you? Maybe he’s sick of it. More detail needed really.

ExplodingElephants · 17/04/2022 10:31

That’s so mean of your friend and I’d feel very pissed off too. However, some people are just completely oblivious so maybe you should have just asked her to collect you?

Quincythequince · 17/04/2022 10:32

@crunchiebut

I didn't ask because I felt crap Not because I couldn't be bothered I would have liked her to offer considering it was half 5 in the morning,chucking it down and cold and no taxis
What do you mean you felt crap?

Also, I see now you drive too.

Goodness woman, sort yourself out ane move on.

It was a short walk, you got a bit wet!

If this is such a heinous crime and there’s no possible way she could have not realised, then just drop her as a friend and move on with your life.

You clearly don’t think YABU so why even ask?

MinesATriple · 17/04/2022 10:33

With such an early start, I would assume they were just cutting it too fine themselves.

roundtable · 17/04/2022 10:33

I would have given a friend a lift op. I picked up someone I didn't know so they didn't have to get a taxi as her DH wasn't able to take her and we were going to the same club. She didn't ask - I offered as I was driving through that village.

Strange behaviour unless it genuinely didn't occur to her?

InFiveMins · 17/04/2022 10:36

YANBU, she's selfish and unkind and I wouldn't be making plans with her again. It would have been a mild inconvenience for her to have picked you up and you shouldn't need to even ask. Some people are just unbelievably rude.

Overthebow · 17/04/2022 10:36

If it was the morning so presumably before 5.30am that you messaged her, she probably just wouldn’t have had enough time to give you a lift too. That early a start and I plan down to the last second, I wouldn’t be able to fit in a 10 minute detour last minute.

Aprilx · 17/04/2022 10:37

I think you should have thought about how you are getting to the station a bit sooner, there are weather forecasts and I assume rain is always a possibility. If you do not have access to an umbrella then maybe you should have prebooked a taxi based on forecast / just in case.

I think ringing a friend at the last minute and expecting them to pick up on your hints and also have a spare ten minutes in the 5am schedule was hopeful. You also did have the option of driving yourself. Parking is usually cheap at the weekend.

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