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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend not giving me a lift ...

279 replies

crunchiebut · 17/04/2022 09:57

Last week it was my friends birthday and I organised a night away.
I paid for everything coach /hotel etc as it was her birthday.
The coach was a early 6 am coach.
I live 5 min (if that ) drive from coach station and a 15 min walk away.
I had to leave the house at 5.30 am to walk there and grab a coffee from greggs.
She got a lift from her husband.

That morning I woke up and it was chucking it down and cold.
I tried to get a taxi but no luck.
I text her saying the time I was leaving and that I couldn't get a taxi.
Her response
"Oh no your gonna get soaked,we are leaving soon,see you there"

Aibu to think she could of easily picked me up?
Literally 3-4 mins from town so would only have added less than 10 mins altogether.
I arrived soaked

OP posts:
Kennykenkencat · 17/04/2022 15:24

Or it could be because I am ND

woodhill · 17/04/2022 15:24

Who needs friends like her tbh

LadyEloise1 · 17/04/2022 15:36

She's not a very nice friend @crunchiebut.

I too would be hurt by her lack of thoughtfulness.
Is she normally kinder ?
How did the rest of the break go with her ?

OatmilkandCookies · 17/04/2022 15:41

To be fair to your friend, it was early morning, she was probably half asleep. Had you asked, I'm sure she would have picked you up

sophienelisse · 17/04/2022 15:43

Terrible friend sorry but she should of offered!

TreatTrimTame · 17/04/2022 16:27

i think youre friend is either very selfish or not very good at picking up hints

LovePoppy · 17/04/2022 18:27

@GrandRapids

Omg for those saying 'use your words' the OP isn't 3 yrs old Hmm

Her response should have been 'we'll pick you up' not 'oh no you're going to get soaked' - what an awful fucking response! She's a self centred arse

Exactly She’s not three. So she should have learned how to communicate so that people understand her without guessing and hoop jumping.
shortbob · 17/04/2022 18:53

She's not much of a friend and I would probably have expected her to offer in advance, so the rain is irrelevant.
'My DH is dropping me down there, he can give us both a lift so we'll pick you up at XX.'

Do not go out of your way for this person again, I hope you get treated well by her on your birthday

steff13 · 17/04/2022 19:04

If she's a friend she would realise you may be like that and offer.

But some people just aren't good at that.

Evilcountspatula · 17/04/2022 19:22

To all those saying YANBU and that the friend is variously thoughtless, a self arse, a cunt and the like, can you imagine the chaos and confusion that would be unleashed if everyone expected everyone else to pick up on hints, cues and undercurrents without actually expressing what was required in, as an example, the workplace. Is it not just basic common sense to state what you want or need? I'd be pretty aggrieved if at work my line manager just expected me to "know" based on the assumption that I should (and because we get on well, have worked together for years etc etc).

Giraffesandbottoms · 17/04/2022 19:26

I always hate it when my friends hint that they want a lift but never actually ask for it. Ask outright and she's more likely to say yes

This. If you’re annoying and simply hint at shit all the time rather than asking like an adult, maybe she has had enough and doesn’t pander to it.

Benjispruce4 · 17/04/2022 19:30

Yeah as she’s on her way to a trip paid for by said annoying friend. Righto Hmm

Giraffesandbottoms · 17/04/2022 19:34

@Benjispruce4

her friend paying for her doesn’t mean she has to automatically do whatever she wants

rookiemere · 17/04/2022 19:36

Well exactly @Evilcountspatula .

Friends DH may well have been unhappy about having to get up early and therefore friend didn't feel she could offer lift and/or assumed OP was going with her DH.

In the morning when she got the text it was I think 5.30am already for a bus at 6. Not ideal circumstances for adding an additional 10 minutes to the journey when she knew OP could walk there in 15 minutes .

OP should either have asked in advance or - if worried about rain in the morning- book a taxi the night before. If I'm doing an early morning start I always book the night before.

Benjispruce4 · 17/04/2022 19:39

I of course but come on, your friend who is generously paying for you to go away on your birthday and you can’t go out of your way 4 mins for a lift in the pouring rain? Would no longer be a friend of mine.

Benjispruce4 · 17/04/2022 19:41

OP any decent human being would have asked you if you wanted picking up long before the day of the trip. It’s not you, your ‘friend’ is selfish and thoughtless. What has she done for your birthday?

Whatsmyname100 · 17/04/2022 20:00

How is it that you are good enough friends for you to book a trip for her, yet scared to ask for a lift. Are you trying to win a friendship with her but don't want to bother her at the same time? It doesn't make sense. She could have been 5 minutes to spare to make it in time and that's why she didn't offer. It really was up to you to ask. As far as she knew you were all making your own way there. At that time of the morning, I can see myself literally leaving at the last second to make it in time.

Giraffesandbottoms · 17/04/2022 20:03

But she asked her sooooo late in the day for a lift? And she didn’t even ask she just gave an irritating hint

Mooshering · 17/04/2022 20:10

You live a 5 minute walk away?

Or 5 miles away?

NerrSnerr · 17/04/2022 20:12

I bet the friend was running around trying to get ready and didn't think too much about the text as it was 5.30am.

silverpinecones · 17/04/2022 20:14

Does she have children? Might there have been a reason why she didn't offer eg car seats or something else in the car meaning she couldn't offer?

TyrannosaurusRegina · 17/04/2022 20:32

She's a shit friend.

Clumsyvolcano · 17/04/2022 20:45

YANBU OP, personally I wouldn’t have thought twice about offering a good friend a lift in that situation, it’s common decency.

I can’t fathom why a decent person wouldn’t offer.

Trampitt · 17/04/2022 22:02

You didn't get the lift you didn't ask for.

Hardly surprising, is it?

proudbrows · 18/04/2022 21:12

@FrydayFish

or your friend is a selfish, thoughtless cunt who I'd be getting rid of asap
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