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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend not giving me a lift ...

279 replies

crunchiebut · 17/04/2022 09:57

Last week it was my friends birthday and I organised a night away.
I paid for everything coach /hotel etc as it was her birthday.
The coach was a early 6 am coach.
I live 5 min (if that ) drive from coach station and a 15 min walk away.
I had to leave the house at 5.30 am to walk there and grab a coffee from greggs.
She got a lift from her husband.

That morning I woke up and it was chucking it down and cold.
I tried to get a taxi but no luck.
I text her saying the time I was leaving and that I couldn't get a taxi.
Her response
"Oh no your gonna get soaked,we are leaving soon,see you there"

Aibu to think she could of easily picked me up?
Literally 3-4 mins from town so would only have added less than 10 mins altogether.
I arrived soaked

OP posts:
TulaOfDarkWater · 17/04/2022 11:12

I text her saying the time I was leaving and that I couldn't get a taxi.
Her response
"Oh no your gonna get soaked,we are leaving soon,see you there"

As it was over text, it’s entirely possible she did ask her DH to give you a lift but he said no.

PollyPutTheKettleOnKettleOn · 17/04/2022 11:12

Perhaps she didn't offer because they didn't have time. At that time in the morning, I won't build extra time into getting ready, everything will be down to the wire.

Or maybe she thought her oh would get arsey.

You're hugely overthrowing this and I think you need to let it go.

user1471457751 · 17/04/2022 11:12

She probably wouldn't have had time to pick you up given you do not live directly on her way to the station. If you had asked earlier she could have made the time to give you a lift. If I'm up at the crack of dawn I give myself just enough time to get to where I am going, I don't make room for a 10-15 minute detour

Marynotsocontrary · 17/04/2022 11:13

I think you should have checked the weather forecast and arranged for her to pick you up beforehand.

Maybe she'd have been late for the coach if she took an extra (almost)10 minutes to collect you? A lot of people are in a rush in the mornings and are pressed for time. It's just not a good time to ask as it mightn't have been possible to accommodate you at that stage...

I've occasionally had people ringing asking for lifts to school in the morning for one reason or other. Usually good reasons, but it's not a time of day we have lots of extra time so a ten minute detour means we end up arriving a couple of minutes late. Which is okay as the school isn't going anywhere. Not the same for a coach.

Sorry you were soaked though, and I hope you enjoyed the rest of your trip. It was a nice thing to organise.

jytdtysrht · 17/04/2022 11:13

It sounds like you spent way too much on her.

prsphne · 17/04/2022 11:13

You should've asked.

I hate when people drop hints and then get upset when others don't pick up on them - it was a brief text that she took at face value when no doubt she was getting ready and had other stuff going on.

Some people just don't spend time reading between the lines of every message. I would most likely have done the same as your friend but been mortified to find out you actually wanted a lift as if you'd have asked I'd have picked you up without any hesitation.

That said, I've spent years training my husband that if you don't ask you don't get ... I'm not a mindreader, I don't know what you want unless you communicate that!

Natty13 · 17/04/2022 11:14

@crunchiebut

I didn't want to come out and ask for a lift. It was pretty obvious I wanted a lift as there was no taxis and I said the weathers awful I will get soaked.
God almighty I will never understand this British obsession with hinting and assuming things are "obvious" to others.

Unless you asked for a lift, YABU. All these threads where you didn't just ask, no matter the circumstances are YABU. You're a grown adult fgs.

Dixiechickonhols · 17/04/2022 11:15

It might not have dawned on her (especially at 5 am) or she might have not wanted to ask her husband for a last minute favour at 5am eg who knows if he was willingly giving her a lift or a reluctant one. I think you should have asked.

Fadeout83 · 17/04/2022 11:16

I find it a very strange dynamic to have a friendship close enough to pay for a holiday away but then be too polite to ask for a simple lift. I’d have just say “mate it’s pissing down and no cabs. Any chance you could swing by and pick me up?”

I mean yea it’s a bit shitty of her not to read between the lines but I’m no good at reading between the lines at 530 am either

Iliketeaagain · 17/04/2022 11:17

Honestly, I'd have probably answered the same way as she did at that time of the morning, then it would have hit me a few hours later (after a couple of cups of coffee and waking up properly) that I should have said we would pick you up on the way through / offered a lift.

If you want something, ask for it - "it's chucking it down, I can't seem to get a taxi this early, any chance you could pick me up on the way through?" Would have been a better text.

There's no point in being pissed off when people don't do exactly what you would do when you hint at something. If you had asked for a lift and she said no, then that's a reason to be pissed off. But you didn't, you assumed she understood your hinting text at 5:30am.

Cocomarine · 17/04/2022 11:17

Just ask her for a lift, FGS!

If you’d called her the night before and said, “forecast is rain, could you please give me a lift in the morning?” and she made excuses, I’d have called her every name under the sun!

But there you are contacting her not long before the coach leaves and not even asking… it might only add 10 mins, but if she was all planned to get there at 05:50, she didn’t have 10 mins. Sounds like you gave her no notice, didn’t even ask, and she assumed you’d take an umbrella.

Neemi1201 · 17/04/2022 11:18

Your friend had probably woken up according to her schedule as to when to leave, and adding on another 10mins at the last minute, could have made her too late/harassed for the 6am coach. Hopefully this didn’t ruin your night away.

LightSpeeds · 17/04/2022 11:18

Your friend sounds thoughtless.

ElenaSt · 17/04/2022 11:19

She wouldn’t have given you a lift though as it was her husband driving.

Maybe he was grumpy about giving her a lift so early in the morning that she felt she couldn’t ask him to pick you up as well.

WildfirePonie · 17/04/2022 11:22

Maybe she didn't have enough time to make a detour?! YABU.

OnaBegonia · 17/04/2022 11:22

The amount of posts on MN saying such as such was rude/disappointing when all it would take is a simple question.
Grown adults unable to make a request but happy to moan afterwards.

Puffalicious · 17/04/2022 11:24

@MJ123

Sorry, your friend isn't bound go offer you a lift because you pay for other things. It'd be nice for her to offer but it feels very entitled to expect it
OMG, a MN classic! Entitled? Don't make me laugh. OP is such good friends that they're spending the day together celebrating a birthday. My definition of friend is someone you care about- a few minutes out of your way is nothing for a friend. I don't understand half the people on here and think the Lord they're not my friends.
KylieCharlene · 17/04/2022 11:25

My first thought was that her dh wasn't thrilled at his wife going away for a couple of days and also not thrilled at getting up early to give her a lift.
If this is the case he certainly wouldn't have been thrilled to give the person who organized this trip a lift to the station and your friend didn't dare to ask him.
I'm guessing your friend felt awful but didn't want to rock the boat with her dh.

AllAmericanGirl · 17/04/2022 11:26

Some people don't get hints.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 17/04/2022 11:26

@Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious

I think it's pretty shitty she didn't offer a lift tbh. I would offer my friends a lift especially in bad weather if I knew they were walking and couldn't get a taxi.
Yes - I don’t think she’s much of a friend if she didn’t offer.
AfraidToRun · 17/04/2022 11:27

It sort of depends on her husband. If I had asked my ex to pick up a friend even at the end of the road I would have had to have listened to a 15 min monologue from him about how I used him as a fucking taxi service and who the fuck did I think I was then he would have dumped me on the street. It wasn't necessarily her decision to make but I agree it is the expected thing.

BurglerBill · 17/04/2022 11:27

I think it would have been nice of her to offer, but at the same time, her husband was the one giving her the lift - maybe she felt bad about asking him to go out of his way? Maybe they were running behind anyway and wouldn't have had the time? Or maybe, like me, her brain just doesn't function that well so early in the morning. Either way, it would have been easy enough to ask. But honestly, it's a 15 min walk - put on a good rain mac and take an umbrella - hard to see how you'd get that soaked. Think you're making a bit of a mountain out of a mole hill, sorry.

PatchworkElmer · 17/04/2022 11:30

I think YANBU. She should’ve offered.

couchparsnip · 17/04/2022 11:31

Maybe she doesn't have a great relationship with her husband and didn't feel like she could offer a lift on his behalf. You could have asked though.

BIWI · 17/04/2022 11:34

Where does she live in relation to you/the station though? If the journey would have taken them out of their way, logically I can see why they wouldn't offer.

But equally I can't understand why you didn't just ask!

So much wet lettucery on MN these days.

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