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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to suggest a different film for 9yo DD? It started a massive argument

181 replies

HouseofPhotos · 17/04/2022 08:11

Yesterday morning, my DW suggested we go to the cinema. She loves Harry Potter and there is a new Fantastic Beasts film out.
I have a 9yr old dd, and 12yr old ds, she has a 13yr old ds.
I suggested that dd doesn't like Harry Potter, and that is quite an adult film, she very much likes cartoons and is still nice and sweet and young in that way, and that I take her to see Sonic the Hedgehog at the same time.
This created such a big argument. I was in shock at how big a deal it became. I backed down almost instantly and said sorry, didn't realise it was going to upset you, it's OK, we'll all go to see the fantastic beasts film. She was so upset we didn't go to see anything. It had created too big a drama.

Her main points were:
My double standards as I've taken dd to see star wars in the past and she's not really into that either.
I'm creating a divide in the family.
She said this is child led parenting, and since when did we start doing that. (I've never given any thought to or had any discussions about child led parenting. I don't know the pros and cons) My only answer to that was that we often involve the children in conversations about days out and get them involved.

It was a horrible atmosphere in the house for the rest of the day. DW only spoke to me when she had to, and if I spoke to her, I got 1 word answers back

OP posts:
TweetTweetMF · 17/04/2022 08:13

Hmmif your DD wanted to see the fantastic beasts film then your wife is right. Not sure what the point of this post is.

SummerBluez · 17/04/2022 08:14

My children are 9 and 4 so obviously have different interests, we would absolutely do this rather than make one sit through a film they're not interested in. She is being ridiculously unreasonable.

AchillesPoirot · 17/04/2022 08:15

Would she not be nice or sweet anymore if she liked Harry Potter?

There’s something about the way you’ve written it here has got right up my nose. I can’t put my finger on it. That might be just the written word, or it might be something in how it came across in real life too

Your wife wanted to do something together. You didn’t. You do sound a bit like you don’t approve of her choice.

PonyPatter44 · 17/04/2022 08:16

At any point in this saga did anyone ask the kids what they wanted to see? If your 9yo really didn't fancy Fantastic Beasts, couldn't you have taken her to see Sonic, while your wife and the older kids saw FB?

SummerBluez · 17/04/2022 08:16

@TweetTweetMF

What are you reading? He literally said his wife wanted to see the HP film, his daughter wasn't interested.

I knew people would jump to the vagina owner being in the rightHmm

SummerBluez · 17/04/2022 08:17

@PonyPatter44

That was his suggestion, it's literally in the OP.

TweetTweetMF · 17/04/2022 08:17

[quote SummerBluez]@TweetTweetMF

What are you reading? He literally said his wife wanted to see the HP film, his daughter wasn't interested.

I knew people would jump to the vagina owner being in the rightHmm[/quote]
He said he suggested DD didn't like it... not that DD said she didn't like it.

Maybe you should read it correctly?

AllKnowingGerbil · 17/04/2022 08:18

Sounds like a huge overreaction from her. It's harmless to suggest a younger child might enjoy another film.

Maybe she felt disappointed that you'd not be all together but it's odd to not appreciate what you were thinking, and then to be cold for ages after. Sounds manipulative.

Elmo230885 · 17/04/2022 08:18

I suppose ot depends what DD wanted to watch. Seems reasonable to see different films. It's only sitting in the dark near each other it's not really a bonding activity.

Child led parenting? Is that just letting children do whatever they want?

Seems like your DW made a bigger deal out of it than was needed. Was there something else at play?

Theunamedcat · 17/04/2022 08:18

She was so upset you didn't go see anything at all? This sounds like a massive overreaction if you backed down almost immediately

SummerBluez · 17/04/2022 08:19

@TweetTweetMF
I assume he knows his daughter and whether she's ever expressed an interest in Harry Potter. What with being her father and everything.

endofthelinefinally · 17/04/2022 08:19

I think some 9 year olds might well not be ready for HP/ FB. There is a big difference between a 9 yr old and 12/ 13 yr old. IMO your suggestion was perfectly reasonable. I wonder if this is about more than a choice of film?

underneaththeash · 17/04/2022 08:19

Has she seen the previous two? If she hasn't there's no way she'll follow what's going on.

CarmenThePanda · 17/04/2022 08:19

[quote SummerBluez]@TweetTweetMF

What are you reading? He literally said his wife wanted to see the HP film, his daughter wasn't interested.

I knew people would jump to the vagina owner being in the rightHmm[/quote]
There is nothing in the OP to indicate whether the OP is a man or a woman.

aprilsunshine777 · 17/04/2022 08:20

[quote SummerBluez]@TweetTweetMF

What are you reading? He literally said his wife wanted to see the HP film, his daughter wasn't interested.

I knew people would jump to the vagina owner being in the rightHmm[/quote]
I think they could possibly both be 'vagina owners' in this scenario...

SummerBluez · 17/04/2022 08:21

@carmenthepanda
Absolutely. But we know the DW is a woman and people have immediately jumped to side with her. It's interesting.

JohannSebastianBach · 17/04/2022 08:21

What a load of drama over nothing.
Look on the brightside you got out of seeing yet another bloody boring HP film.

R0tational · 17/04/2022 08:21

How do we know OP is a man? Anyway she clearly has issues. Or your relationship does.

SummerBluez · 17/04/2022 08:23

I never said the OP was a man, but the D"W" is clearly a woman. Stop trying to prove how woke you are, we all know same sex marriage is a thing.

CarmenThePanda · 17/04/2022 08:23

OP, it sounds as if this was fuelled by some background agenda.

Once there has been some cooling off space, can you find an hour away from the kids (hard!) to say that seemed to you that you had done something to ignite a volatile response and is everything ok snd can she explain more about what upset her? And have a calm talk (and listen) about it all?

GayParis · 17/04/2022 08:23

Still likes cartoons and is "nice and sweet and young in that way".

Ew.

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 17/04/2022 08:23

Is there more to this? It's a massive overreaction from your wife!

aprilsunshine777 · 17/04/2022 08:23

It sounds like it was really difficult to have such an atmosphere afterwards.
Sometimes if there is a massive overreaction which seems disproportionate to what's going on, there's usually something else happening.

Is this sort of reaction what usually happens?
Is it that you haven't spent as much time together as a family?
Do you usually make most of the decisions regarding the children and what you do with them/do together?
Do you usually consider the things that she likes to do?
Is something else underlying this and this tipped her over the edge a bit?

I'm not excusing her behaviour - I just wonder if something else is going on.

NoSquirrels · 17/04/2022 08:24

So your DW saw the rejection of the FB/HP world film as a fundamental snub to her identity, is what I’m getting here. All the child-led parenting gubbins is irrelevant- the Star Wars thing is relevant because that’s a similar fandom that’s your thing that you’ve taken all the DC to.

Had the 9 year old watched the other FB movies? (Had the other 2?)

CarmenThePanda · 17/04/2022 08:24

@SummerBluez

I never said the OP was a man, but the D"W" is clearly a woman. Stop trying to prove how woke you are, we all know same sex marriage is a thing.
Erm, there was a discussion breaking out about bias over responses to men or ‘vagina havers’ on the thread.

I was just pointing out that we don’t even know if there is a man on the thread….

Hey Ho.

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