AIBU to suggest a different film for 9yo DD? It started a massive argument

[HouseofPhotos]

Yesterday morning, my DW suggested we go to the cinema. She loves Harry Potter and there is a new Fantastic Beasts film out.
I have a 9yr old dd, and 12yr old ds, she has a 13yr old ds.
I suggested that dd doesn't like Harry Potter, and that is quite an adult film, she very much likes cartoons and is still nice and sweet and young in that way, and that I take her to see Sonic the Hedgehog at the same time.
This created such a big argument. I was in shock at how big a deal it became. I backed down almost instantly and said sorry, didn't realise it was going to upset you, it's OK, we'll all go to see the fantastic beasts film. She was so upset we didn't go to see anything. It had created too big a drama.

Her main points were:
My double standards as I've taken dd to see star wars in the past and she's not really into that either.
I'm creating a divide in the family.
She said this is child led parenting, and since when did we start doing that. (I've never given any thought to or had any discussions about child led parenting. I don't know the pros and cons) My only answer to that was that we often involve the children in conversations about days out and get them involved.

It was a horrible atmosphere in the house for the rest of the day. DW only spoke to me when she had to, and if I spoke to her, I got 1 word answers back

There aren’t that many reviews yet, so maybe it’ll shift over time, but interesting that Common Sense Media currently say the latest Fantastic Beasts is suitable for ages 14 and up.

www.commonsensemedia.org/movie-reviews/fantastic-beasts-the-secrets-of-dumbledore

Update - thank you all for your comments, thought i'd share with you all what happened next.

Separate films were watched. All had a great time. Although DW was and still is not happy about it.

We've discussed it and the upset is down to me applying double standards to things.

There are various examples given.

In the past we've all gone to see star wars films, which probably wasn't at the top of DD preferred list. But they were appropriate in terms of content.

There have also been times we have gone to do activities for DS, and DD has had to come.

Mostly of these occasions have been due to there not being an option for her to do something different, logistically. I was on my own for quite a while.

I think there are times when it may seem like double standards are being applied, but that will happen sometimes when you're trying to keep everyone happy.

My DW does not see it like this. Very upset that the one time she picks a film and suggests that we all go to see it as a family, i have made it difficult.

In the past we've all gone to see star wars films, which probably wasn't at the top of DD preferred list. But they were appropriate in terms of content.

Can't really see what would be in Fantastic Beasts that would be less 'appropriate' than Star Wars films.

The old Star Wars films are Us and PGs (although this actually surprises me given that the first one has scenes of the charred remains of Luke's aunt and uncle and a scene where an arm gets cut off, if I remember correctly). But the recent Star Wars films all seem to be rated 12, which means they aren't suitable for under 12s at all, while Fantastic Beasts is a 12A, which means under-12s can see it if accompanied by an adult.

In general there's something slightly weird about your insistence that your 9-year-old is too 'nice and sweet and young' for Fantastic Beasts because she only likes cartoons, but you don't think she's too nice and sweet and young for light-sabres, storm troopers and malevolent aliens, and if was your DW I would find it irritating and think you were just being precious for no reason.

Overall, though, you both sound like massive drama queens.

I agree the last Star Wars movie was very similar to the fantastic beasts - far more niche than the originals and Harry Potter and definitely not more appropriate- Star Wars have huge numbers of deaths - the Death Star takes out over a million people

the issue is @HouseofPhotos is that you apply the, to make you and your side happy not her

so should you be? That is the question with your DD

There's more going on here than the actual business of what film to see. Your comment was not unreasonable and the kind of conversation I have had with my partner about our two children and what films would be suitable for them both. There's obviously some kind of resentment or built up tension over "fairness" between all the children, and how that all works as a blended family compared to when you were on your own. That's something you need to discuss when the children aren't around and when you can do so without it turning into an argument.

The last few Star Wars films were 12A in the cinema too. There isn't a 12 rating at the cinema, hasn't been for 10 years or so. All 12 films are 12A, meaning Films rated 12A are suitable for children aged 12 and over However, people younger than 12 may see a 12A so long as they are accompanied by an adult. For home release (DVD, streaming etc.) it becomes a 12.

Personally, I think it's a daft system, just means that kids end up in films that aren't suitable for them.

OP, I think the issue here is that your wife feels like she's chosen a film for a choice, and you've ridden roughshod over her plans. Whether or not thats actually a valid reason to kick off depends on whether or not thats something you do frequently.