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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to suggest a different film for 9yo DD? It started a massive argument

181 replies

HouseofPhotos · 17/04/2022 08:11

Yesterday morning, my DW suggested we go to the cinema. She loves Harry Potter and there is a new Fantastic Beasts film out.
I have a 9yr old dd, and 12yr old ds, she has a 13yr old ds.
I suggested that dd doesn't like Harry Potter, and that is quite an adult film, she very much likes cartoons and is still nice and sweet and young in that way, and that I take her to see Sonic the Hedgehog at the same time.
This created such a big argument. I was in shock at how big a deal it became. I backed down almost instantly and said sorry, didn't realise it was going to upset you, it's OK, we'll all go to see the fantastic beasts film. She was so upset we didn't go to see anything. It had created too big a drama.

Her main points were:
My double standards as I've taken dd to see star wars in the past and she's not really into that either.
I'm creating a divide in the family.
She said this is child led parenting, and since when did we start doing that. (I've never given any thought to or had any discussions about child led parenting. I don't know the pros and cons) My only answer to that was that we often involve the children in conversations about days out and get them involved.

It was a horrible atmosphere in the house for the rest of the day. DW only spoke to me when she had to, and if I spoke to her, I got 1 word answers back

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 17/04/2022 18:06

Where are you getting She can't be a tomboy, being kept young because she's bloody 9 and would rather see a cartoon?

Suzi888 · 17/04/2022 18:06

[quote SummerBluez]@TweetTweetMF

What are you reading? He literally said his wife wanted to see the HP film, his daughter wasn't interested.

I knew people would jump to the vagina owner being in the rightHmm[/quote]
^🤣🤣🤣🤣called it.
YANBU OP
It’s what we do, just each see the film you want to. Problem solved…

AchillesPoirot · 17/04/2022 18:07

I’m getting it from

she very much likes cartoons and is still nice and sweet and young in that way,

JulesRimetStillGleaming · 17/04/2022 18:09

@HouseofPhotos

Update

DW just asked DD if she wants to go and see it next weekend. DD said yes.

I did watch the trailer last night with DD to check if it was something she'd like and maybe I was wrong. She wasn't keen.

Did she do it in a neutral way or did she do it in a 'you'd better say yes or mummy will be angry again' way?

A PP said about adults dragging children into their arguments and that's what my parents did and it was shit. My childhood was very unhappy and stressful.

And for the hard of thinking, the same sex stuff was because several early posters assumed he was a man and then assumed that because he was a man he must be wrong.

JulesRimetStillGleaming · 17/04/2022 18:11

What is going on on Mumsnet lately? Everyone is either ripping the shit out of each other or projecting wildly. Is some kind of institution closed for Easter?

Mayorquimby2 · 17/04/2022 18:13

Your wife sounds like a cunt

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 17/04/2022 18:24

Its a trivial thing but I find it quite worrying that this couldn't be discussed calmly and it resulted in not going and then sulking/anger the entire day.
It seems like a vast over reaction and quite honestly a red flag.

EyePeeEh · 17/04/2022 18:31

Sounds like your wife was and is behaving like an ass. Is she often like this?

Incidentally, as an adult I’d rather watch Sonic 2 than the latest Fantastic Beasts. The former looks like disposable fun and the latter boring/grim and not a stand-alone story.

Hwory · 17/04/2022 18:32

Has anyone even seen the first two fantastic beast films in your household? Are you / your DW aware that it’s the final in a trilogy?

bellac11 · 17/04/2022 18:43

@AchillesPoirot

I’m not implying any sinister thoughts at all.

I feel she’s being kept babyish and not allowed to just be. She has to be sweet and nice. And girly.

But I most certainly do not mean anything more than that. As I’ve said now more than once

You know this child then I take it?
EyePeeEh · 17/04/2022 18:45

Its a trivial thing but I find it quite worrying that this couldn't be discussed calmly and it resulted in not going and then sulking/anger the entire day.
It seems like a vast over reaction and quite honestly a red flag.
This really. Your wife’s behaviour today sounds abusive and toxic. Has similar happened previously?

fortifiedwithtea · 17/04/2022 18:46

@Hwory its not a trilogy. Its a 5 part series

Persephonegoddess · 17/04/2022 18:50

The FB film is a 12 is it even okay to take the 9yr old too? You were right to suggest, watching films is not a group activity unless you are going to talk all the way through so suggesting a split was fine.

BeautifulDragon · 17/04/2022 19:07

My DD who is 10 now only really stopped enjoying The Julia Donaldson books when she was 7/8, still liked Peter Rabbit

Parents want their children to read HP as young as possible so they can brag about it, regardless of how suitable it is. I never realised this until I was introduced via MN. I don't understand about having 'rules' around reading the books before watching films either. People don't seem to say this about Roald Dahl films, just HP.

I let my children choose what they watch/ read, as long as it's suitable.

Goldbar · 17/04/2022 19:12

If the film is 12A rated, it doesn't sound like it's suitable for the average 9 year old. You as your DD's parent get to decide whether it is suitable for your DD, not your wife.

SoggyPaper · 17/04/2022 19:15

‘is still nice and sweet and young’

Still nice and sweet and young. Because growing up at all would nahe her less nice.

That’s telling.

SoggyPaper · 17/04/2022 19:16

Presumably the boys are not nice and sweet and young.

BadNomad · 17/04/2022 19:33

God. I would have left huffy bollocks at home and taken all the kids by myself to see Sonic.

But I'm guessing there is more to it than this.

EyePeeEh · 17/04/2022 20:16

Presumably the boys are not nice and sweet and young.
The ‘gotcha’ over this is tiresome.

The OP said that DD was ‘nice and sweet and young’ specifically in regard to her viewing preferences (basically that she does not enjoy more mature content).

The boys are older and, by the sounds of things, are more likely to enjoy a dark/disturbing movie.

OP could have worded it better but this nit-picking seems pretty unhelpful and irrelevant to the thread.

SummerBluez · 17/04/2022 20:24

Sonic is hardly a stereotypical girly choice for the poster bizarrely insisting the child is being forced to stay a young girly girl.

Sometimeswinning · 17/04/2022 20:38

Still nice and sweet and young. Because growing up at all would nahe her less nice.

Yes! My 6 year old is a bloody delight. My 12 year old is lovely but a bit off at times. Knows far too much and is always, always right regardless of anyone else's opinion.

Partyatnumber10 · 17/04/2022 20:52

Fascinating thread, if it had been about a "dh" instead of a "dw" there would have been a flood of
Ltb
He is emotionally abusing you
Type comments.

JaninaDuszejko · 17/04/2022 20:53

I don't understand about having 'rules' around reading the books before watching films either. People don't seem to say this about Roald Dahl films, just HP.

Can't speak for others but as a general principle if I'm planning to read a book I prefer to read it before watching the film so I don't imagine the actors when reading. As far as my DC goes there is so much social pressure for young children to watch 12 rated shows, particularly around Harry Potter and MCU. Mine didn't get to watch Marvel until they were 12 (I don't like the cartoon violence) and the 'read the book before watching the film' rule for HP was a way of delaying them seeing the 12 rated films. Roald Dahl books are PG rated films so not the same need to delay.

Gowithme · 17/04/2022 20:54

Has she seen the first two fantastic beasts films? If not she won't have a frigging clue what's going on. I wouldn't take her, these films are very different from the HP ones (especially the earlier HP ones).

bellac11 · 17/04/2022 20:55

@Partyatnumber10

Fascinating thread, if it had been about a "dh" instead of a "dw" there would have been a flood of Ltb He is emotionally abusing you Type comments.
Absolutely and because some posters assume the OP is a man (they might be, they might not), some posters blamed the OP and others tried to make out theres something creepy or inappropriate in the 'language used'.

What a joke some people are.