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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sneak away in the night from neighbours

207 replies

Ohnonevermind · 16/04/2022 09:51

We’ve had a hard few years with difficult neighbours. We’ve kept our heads down but unfortunately they’ve suffered some really bad luck in the last few years and are projecting onto me in particular. I have had some unwarranted abuse hurled at me over the last few years. It was mainly low level stuff but it drags you slowly down.
I don’t walk out of my house any more
and drive past theirs (detached houses in the countryside) so covid has been fun.

During the last year they’ve escalated it massively including them wanting to speak to me to tell me what they think of me 🤷‍♀️ I would explain further but it’s massively outing (I know that phrase is maddening)

But a fabulous house has come up 6 miles away. It’s perfect for us and we don’t have to sell our house to finance it. It’s got all the stuff we put into our house (a forever home) too

The amazing thing is secretly we’re signing next week (10 minute viewing was enough) it’s nearer family. We’ve just checked with family if they’d be happy (they’re delighted) but we’re keeping it low key until the deal is done.

AIBU to slip away in the night, part of me thinks I should tell my neighbours we are leaving but I worry it might escalate issues on their side.

I’m so secretly happy, every time I looked out my window and saw their house it dragged me down, now it makes me smile.

OP posts:
Herejustforthisone · 16/04/2022 13:12

[quote Ohnonevermind]@100problems

My brother is housing 3 Ukrainian refugees in his house, how many are you housing ?
We will investigate doing the same here
once we’ve moved[/quote]
Seriously, what is going on?

FavouritePi · 16/04/2022 13:13

Just don't tell them. We had the same with our last neighbours and just packed and left one day. Very satisfying leaving all of that behind.

WakeMeUpWhenTheyHaveGone · 16/04/2022 13:14

@Herejustforthisone
“Seriously, what is going on?”

Exactly 🙄

CambsAlways · 16/04/2022 13:15

I wouldn’t tell them a thing! None of their buisness you e found a new home and go hope you be very happy in it op

100problems · 16/04/2022 13:16

*@100problems

My brother is housing 3 Ukrainian refugees in his house, how many are you housing ?
We will investigate doing the same here
once we’ve moved*

Read it again, I was posting in your favour silly.

Alas I do not have three spare rooms, let alone a whole spare house.

Meatshake · 16/04/2022 13:21

Why on earth are you being so nice? If it comes up I'd just tell them "We're leaving because you've been utter fucktards over the past year. We're turning our old house into a HMO half way house for people leaving prison".

Honestly harden your she'll and don't be so wet and accommodating to people who are causing issues. Draw yourself some boundaries.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/04/2022 13:22

Are you unreasonable for not telling people you dislike something which has nothing to do with them.

Obviously yes, of course 🙄

RedHelenB · 16/04/2022 13:26

@Gazelda

I don't understand why you think you should tell them? If they've been so unpleasant to you, you owe them nothing.
This. I wouldn't speak to them at all. Mind , if you're not moving far they could still bump into you.
WomanStanleyWoman · 16/04/2022 13:38

@JulesRimetStillGleaming

What I have learnt from reading Mumsnet today is that most people lack any empathy whatsoever. This must've been hell for you and I understand that you don't want to antagonise them further especially when you need to either sell or let this house and don't want to escalate it.

Congrats on the new place and fingers crossed all goes through.

You can empathise with people having problems with their neighbours, without thinking moving away doesn’t have to be a choice between a big goodbye or a moonlight flit.
hopperrock · 16/04/2022 13:44

Does no one else question the ethics of owning 2 houses outright and leaving one empty and coming on a public forum to bemoan their lot in life?!

Which bit is unethical?

WakeMeUpWhenTheyHaveGone · 16/04/2022 13:47

“Does no one else question the ethics of owning 2 houses outright and leaving one empty and coming on a public forum to bemoan their lot in life?!”

I chose to ignore that part, as it’s none of our business and I think the OP just wants to show off about it, which is sad and very insecure. Just be glad you’re not the OP.

hopperrock · 16/04/2022 14:04

I'm just not sure whether the PP feels that owning more than one property is unethical, or is it that the OP is buying and moving to a new property before selling the current one? Or is it posting on a forum which is unethical?

1forAll74 · 16/04/2022 14:07

Why do you have so many issues with neighbours,, just leave without much ado anyway.

LookItsMeAgain · 16/04/2022 14:14

Congratulations!!!!

What I would do is, once you own the other property, box up personal belongings and take them over bit by bit.
Start going for daily 'drives' and you're bringing the stuff that you want from the old house (where you're currently living) to the new one.

Decide what furniture you want to bring with you. Small stuff can be moved by you.

If you're going to rent your current home, decide if you're doing that furnished and whether you'll be buying new furniture for the new home and be there to accept delivery of same.

Clothes - pack a few suitcases or black sacks as though you would be going to a charity shop/clothes recycling bin but you're bringing them to your new home instead.

Then you have very little to actually 'move' when you want to sneak out.

They don't deserve to know anything about where you've moved to. If you wanted to let someone know, is there another neighbour that you do get along with, that could let you know if your home alarm was going off by any chance? I'd leave my contact number with that neighbour instead. Just say to them that you're going away for a bit and if your alarm goes off, can they send you a quick text or phone you to let you know and you'll get it sorted as quickly as possible.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 16/04/2022 14:19

Oh just to let you know MrsArseHoleNeighour I;m renting my house out , couple of peole comomg to view ......

To sneak away in the night from neighbours
To sneak away in the night from neighbours
SunshineCake · 16/04/2022 15:03

Why do you think it is nice to tell people who are mean to you that you leaving ? Stop being a people pleaser. Be a strong woman and own your own life !

Rewis · 16/04/2022 15:14

Really? Would you not just knock and say you were leaving and wish them luck in life? Or just tell them out of good manners ? What if they see a bunch of strangers around your old property and wonder what they are doing there and if you are ok or on holiday? Don't you care about people around you at all?

I wish all the best to my neighbours. Hope they live a happy and healthy life. If we see each other we nod politely. Took me 5 years to even see the neighbour across from me. Never made any introductions. I doubt none of them waste a through towards me if they see someone on my property, would just assume I'd have moved. I don't have anything against communicating with neighbours but if you don't have a relationship, I don't see the need to inform about moving.

SuchAsSeals · 16/04/2022 15:15

I live rurally and have neighbours. They're perfectly nice people, but we rarely even speak. I honestly don't know if it would even occur to me to tell them I was moving, if we didn't happen to bump into one another just before the move. I certainly wouldn't bother with neighbours who had made my life difficult. I'd ignore their existence entirely, neither telling them I was moving nor sneaking away like I had something to be ashamed of.

VickyEadieofThigh · 16/04/2022 15:25

We moved without saying a word to our unpleasant neighbour. Didn't bother me - we knew we'd never see her again.

RachelGreeneGreep · 16/04/2022 15:32

@VickyEadieofThigh

We moved without saying a word to our unpleasant neighbour. Didn't bother me - we knew we'd never see her again.
I would do likewise, if I ever was to move.

I would love if I didn't even have a sale sign outside so that she wouldn't have a clue Grin

PrettyVacancy · 16/04/2022 15:45

OP, I’m sorry to say this, but you sound as though you’re the one behaving oddly, not the neighbours. Why did you leave your house unlocked? Was the delivery driver meant to come in? What does cruising past your house involve? Lots of slow, pointless journeys back and forth, just to look at your wondrous visage?

Like I say, your behaviour and way of thinking seem odd, paranoid really. There again there are lots of oddballs on MN who run away and hide when anyone sets foot on their drive, so you’re in good company here!

Optimisiticcautiouslyso · 16/04/2022 15:49

So many questions
No likelihood OP will be back

I think we can all be fairly confident these neighbours are going to be delighted and relieved the OP is moving

JudgeJ · 16/04/2022 15:57

[quote NorthSouthcatlady]@Hoppinggreen good spot. Plus no mention of being grateful, reading the room, blah blah blah![/quote]
There are lots of twee phrases to demonstrate the writer's superior morals etc that I've only ever seen on MN, it can be quite entertaining!

Thesheerrelief · 16/04/2022 16:01

Are you worried they might follow you and keep up their campaign? If so, then yes, I'd leave discreetly! Given your house will be empty a lot of the time while you get it ready to rent I'd invest in a good alarm and cameras

Tigertigertigertiger · 16/04/2022 16:12

This is a non problem . Congratulations on your new home !